Jeremy Renner and Sonni Pacheco – a woman with whom he certainly had sex but may or may not have ever actually otherwise been involved with – have had a baby! Hurrah! It was announced on Friday that the pair had become parents to a little girl named Ava Berlin Renner on March 28, with Renner’s publicist issuing the following statement:
“They are beyond thrilled. Mother and daughter are doing great.”
The only thing that’s missing here is an “over the moon” and I think the circle would be complete.
Jeremy’s not the first star to knock a lady up that he’s not actually with, and it’s no surprise, given his penchant for popping Viagra. An “insider” told US Weekly that he’s going to be a “great dad” and added at the time that Renner was trying to keep shit under wraps but Sonni wasn’t hiding the fact that she was expecting a child. Would be kind of hard to hide the fact that you’re growing a person inside you, but whatever. I guess it would upset him since this is the same guy who broke up with girlfriend Jess Macallan because she wanted to be an actress and took all the attention off wittle bitty Jeremy:
“That was part of the issue,” Renner explained of Macallan, who is now married. “I was going through the Hurt Locker campaign and she’s like, ‘Where do I get headshots?’”
Anyway, here’s to the “thrilled” non-couple!
“Oh, all those ridiculous people with zero talent who spend their lives making sure everybody knows their name. Those stupid, stupid people.”
This would be, yes, the very same Jeremy Renner who takes Viagra when he clearly means to take Ambien, and who has been rumored to be one of Tom Cruise’s alleged many gay partners. And this statement, guys, makes up for all of the silliness of “accidentally” taking a penis-engorging drug on international flights, and *almost* makes up for the indubitably poor taste in men if he did, indeed, have a hot, sexual tryst with … ugh, Tom Cruise.
He hates the Kardashians, guys, and that makes up for almost anything*.
*Almost. The Tom Cruise thing? There are way, way hotter and more appealing closeted gay men out there than the allegedly-gay Tom Cruise, come on.
During an appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live! July 24, The Bourne Legacy actor, 41, regaled the audience with an unforgettable tale about his recent travel troubles.
“A lot of times when I’m on the plane, I have to sleep. And I’m not a good sleeper on the plane,” the single star admitted. “I had to fly from London to Los Angeles for dinner, and then get right back on a plane to London. That’s 10 to 12 hours. I had to get off the plane go to work, so I had to sleep on the plane.”
To help him rest, “somebody gave me some pills, like Ambien. So I took a little sleeping pill, popped it and realized nothing’s happening — but something else was happening!” Renner recalled. “I realized very quickly that the ‘A’ was actually a little ‘V’ on the pill. Not only did I not sleep the entire flight, but there was. . . ‘camping’ . . . happening!”
“Somebody gave you a Viagra instead of Ambien?” host Jimmy Kimmel, 44, asked in disbelief. “First of all, you need a new doctor or new friends.”
Renner admitted that he “was really embarrassed” by the incident, but luckily, most of the other passengers “were sleeping.”
“The flight attendants were sort of in on the joke,” Renner added. “They were like, ‘Can we get you anything, Mr. Renner?’ ‘Yeah, funny,’” he told them. “‘Ice! Ice!’”
So, um. That’s Jeremy Renner’s really awkward penis airline story.