The last we reported on Jeremy Renner, he was having a baby with his ex-girlfriend, Sonni Pacheco. That was all the way back in 2013, and since then, he actually married her. I’m sure it was true love that was meant to last forever, right? Well, incidentally, Sonni wants out of the marriage less than a year after it started. Uh oh!
According to docs filed earlier this month, Renner’s wife Sonni Pacheco is seeking the split over irreconcilable differences — but get this … she’s demanding he return her stolen passport, birth certificate and SS card.
The couple just copped to their secret marriage back in September … and every indication is the break-up will be nasty.
In her divorce docs … Pacheco says they have a prenup, but adds it should be torn up because it was based on fraud. There’s no further detail about what she means by “fraud.”
Pacheco wants the moon … she’s asking for spousal support and physical custody of their 1-year-old daughter, Ava Berlin. She’s also looking to use the Range Rover until the smoke clears, and for Renner to pony up her rent and moving expenses.
Huh, well that seems a bit crazy. Where the hell is the girl’s passport, birth certificate and social security card? What’s the “fraud” situation all about? What’s with Jeremy Renner’s hair… like, seriously? So many unanswered questions…
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Jeremy Renner and Sonni Pacheco – a woman with whom he certainly had sex but may or may not have ever actually otherwise been involved with – have had a baby! Hurrah! It was announced on Friday that the pair had become parents to a little girl named Ava Berlin Renner on March 28, with Renner’s publicist issuing the following statement:
“They are beyond thrilled. Mother and daughter are doing great.”
The only thing that’s missing here is an “over the moon” and I think the circle would be complete.
Jeremy’s not the first star to knock a lady up that he’s not actually with, and it’s no surprise, given his penchant for popping Viagra. An “insider” told US Weekly that he’s going to be a “great dad” and added at the time that Renner was trying to keep shit under wraps but Sonni wasn’t hiding the fact that she was expecting a child. Would be kind of hard to hide the fact that you’re growing a person inside you, but whatever. I guess it would upset him since this is the same guy who broke up with girlfriend Jess Macallan because she wanted to be an actress and took all the attention off wittle bitty Jeremy:
“That was part of the issue,” Renner explained of Macallan, who is now married. “I was going through the Hurt Locker campaign and she’s like, ‘Where do I get headshots?’”
Anyway, here’s to the “thrilled” non-couple!
“Oh, all those ridiculous people with zero talent who spend their lives making sure everybody knows their name. Those stupid, stupid people.”
This would be, yes, the very same Jeremy Renner who takes Viagra when he clearly means to take Ambien, and who has been rumored to be one of Tom Cruise’s alleged many gay partners. And this statement, guys, makes up for all of the silliness of “accidentally” taking a penis-engorging drug on international flights, and *almost* makes up for the indubitably poor taste in men if he did, indeed, have a hot, sexual tryst with … ugh, Tom Cruise.
He hates the Kardashians, guys, and that makes up for almost anything*.
*Almost. The Tom Cruise thing? There are way, way hotter and more appealing closeted gay men out there than the allegedly-gay Tom Cruise, come on.
During an appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live! July 24, The Bourne Legacy actor, 41, regaled the audience with an unforgettable tale about his recent travel troubles.
“A lot of times when I’m on the plane, I have to sleep. And I’m not a good sleeper on the plane,” the single star admitted. “I had to fly from London to Los Angeles for dinner, and then get right back on a plane to London. That’s 10 to 12 hours. I had to get off the plane go to work, so I had to sleep on the plane.”
To help him rest, “somebody gave me some pills, like Ambien. So I took a little sleeping pill, popped it and realized nothing’s happening — but something else was happening!” Renner recalled. “I realized very quickly that the ‘A’ was actually a little ‘V’ on the pill. Not only did I not sleep the entire flight, but there was. . . ‘camping’ . . . happening!”
“Somebody gave you a Viagra instead of Ambien?” host Jimmy Kimmel, 44, asked in disbelief. “First of all, you need a new doctor or new friends.”
Renner admitted that he “was really embarrassed” by the incident, but luckily, most of the other passengers “were sleeping.”
“The flight attendants were sort of in on the joke,” Renner added. “They were like, ‘Can we get you anything, Mr. Renner?’ ‘Yeah, funny,’” he told them. “‘Ice! Ice!’”
So, um. That’s Jeremy Renner’s really awkward penis airline story.