Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Jennifer Garner

Crazed Jennifer Garner Fan Charged With Stalking

Jennifer Garner and Violet Affleck

I guess technically I don’t know if he’s “crazed” like the headline reads, but the man who was charged for stalking Jennifer Garner is definitely creepy looking. And stalking generally isn’t sane behavior, so I would think that it’s fair to call him crazed. I don’t want to get sued or something. He’s probably a fine guy who just happens to loiter outside of the elementary school that his favorite celebrity’s child attends. Whatever, no judgement.

From TMZ:

The L.A. District Attorney has charged Steven Burky with two counts of felony stalking and two misdemeanor counts of disobeying a court order — for allegedly breaking a restraining order the couple filed against him last year.

Garner has claimed in court documents that Burky has been stalking her since 2002. She was granted the restraining order last year after Burky sent her “packages and letters containing delusional and paranoid thoughts.”

Now, if convicted on stalking charges, Burky — who’s currently in police custody — could face up to four years in prison.

Four years seems like an awfully short period of time to spend in prison for breaking a restraining order and potentially putting the life of a child (a beautiful celebrity child, right guys!?!) in danger. Let’s hope this whackjob gets some heeee-eeelllllp.

Absolutely. Insane. Adorableness.

Jennifer Garner and Baby Seraphina Getting Into the Car Pictures Photos

You guys, I think I just spontaneously got pregnant. These photos of Jen Garner running errands with Violet and Seraphina are pretty much as effective as actual semen when it comes to knocking up a 20-something woman. I can’t tell if I have morning sickness or I’m just nauseous from the cuteness overdose.

Either way, I’m going to name my unborn child Gigli.

Jennifer Garner is the Best Mother in The World

Seraphina Affleck: Possibly the Happiest Baby On Earth

OK, maybe the headline is a bit much, but what the hell is Jennifer Garner doing with her babies that makes them little smile-machines? Garner and her hubby Ben Affleck took their older daughter Violet and baby Seraphina out to brunch in Cambridge, MA this morning and little Seraphina was smiling the entire time, just like her big sis is always seen doing. Perhaps they’ve paid off their children to be two of the happiest looking celeb kids out there (Suri can barely be bothered to grin) or they’re just feeding them candy and taking them on unicorn rides all day, but whatever it is, they’re doing something right…

The Invention of Lying Premiere

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Last night was the premiere of The Invention of Lying or as I see it, last night was was the night that Jennifer Garner let everyone know that she does like Ricky Gervais but does not like Rob Lowe.

Clearly, Jennifer has her pre-baby body back into fighting form.  She wore an absolutely beautiful sheath dress by Gucci that is hand-embroidered and beaded.  Speaking of looking svelte, check out Ricky Gervais, huh?  Though he’s been known for pissing off fat people everywhere, he was always a little stout himself.  Not so much anymore.  Oh,  and he may spent too much time wagging his scrotum in his nannies faces, but Rob Lowe is still really, really hot.

Also there:  Jonah Hill, Kenny G, Jay Manuel and Paris Latsis.  If you don’t remember, Paris is the shipping heir who was engaged to the other Paris — Paris Hilton — for a short period of time in 2005.  The photo agencies are tagging him as an Executive Producer.  I wonder if he has a better grasp of the “producer” job description than his ex-fiancee?

This Is What It Looks Like When Jennifer Garner and Ashton Kutcher Make Out

Kissing Kutcher

Tough life for Jennifer Garner. At home she gets to make out with Ben Affleck and at work she gets to do the same with Ashton Kutcher. The two locked lips while filming a scene for their new movie Valentine’s Day, in which Kutcher’s character proposes to Garner’s on a romantic bridge. While it doesn’t exactly seem like the two have much chemistry, I’m really envious of what a hard day’s work means for the two of them.

Violet Affleck is the Cutest Kid Ever

Violet Affleck Hogs All The Adorable

Before there was Suri, before there was Shiloh, there was just one insanely cute celebrity child stealing our hearts: Violet Affleck. This morning Vi and her mom, Jennifer Garner, went out in a pyjamies-clad Starbucks run in Brentwood. Hitching a ride on her mom’s hip, the three year old also wore her smile for the paps and the barista.

Quotables

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“Jennifer does not share the same sense of humor as me — she did not like my jokes.  I was picking on [Jen’s husband] Ben Affleck and making fun of him because I’ve known him for a really long time — I was talking smack — and Jennifer goes, ‘You know, if you keep saying stuff about him, I’m going to kick your a—.’ And she could — I’ve seen ‘Alias.’ She has a real girly sense of humor and didn’t understand that I was kidding.  I remember talking to Ben and being like, ‘I know your lady is not finding me amusing. Ben, I’ve known you for years, and you are far sicker than I am!’ His jokes are way dirtier than mine. He’s made jokes to me, and I’ve been like, ‘Ben, you need to go to church.’”

Director Kevin Smith talking about the humorless Jennifer Garner and his experiences with her on the set of Catch and Release in 2006.  As an aside, Smith is currently directing A Couple of Dicks — sounds appropriate.