Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Jennifer Aniston

Jennifer Aniston’s New Hair Makes Her Look Like Jennifer Grey

jennifer aniston jennifer grey comparison

Jennifer Aniston‘s new hair makes her look like an older version of pre-nose job Jennifer Grey. That’s not a bad thing! Don’t worry, Aniston fans, it’s a wig for her upcoming film, Squirrels to the Nuts, the one she did with Will Forte who gushed all over the place about how great she was at giving him relationship advice. Here’s how that went:

Will Forte: I don’t know what to do, I think my girlfriend is going to break up with me and she’s going to take the dog and I really don’t want her to because it’s jus—
Jennifer Aniston: (Who the f-ck is this guy? Why is he talking to me? Does he work here? Say something.) Uh oh, sweetie, I’m sorry. (He’s still talking. Who is this person? Is this my new assistant? Is he–GOT IT. He’s in the movie. With me. Okay, why is he telling me this?) Ohh, honey, that’s terrible. (Did I say something to him? Oh crap I think I asked him if he had a girlfriend. I was just trying to be polite! Okay, just sit here and say things and text your assistant to save you.)

But who knows.

Jennifer Grey is an actress best known for being in the car with Matthew Broderick when he fell asleep at the wheel and hit another car, head-on, killing both passengers inside. (More on this story from an archived 1987 article from People.) He and Grey remained unscathed and he did not go to jail. He was charged with careless driving and fined $175 and that was it (Wikipedia).

I’m sorry, that’s not what she’s known for at all. What I meant to say was Jennifer Grey is an actress best known for Dirty Dancing and then getting a nose job and ruining her career.

I ALWAYS get those two stories mixed up!

jennifer aniston wig new movie

Come on, guys, I see it. Can you? Just a little?

Suck It, Aniston: Beyonce Enjoys Fast Food, Posts Proof

beyonce performing

Jennifer Aniston recently went all, “waaah I can’t handle a Big Mac, even though I ate a cobb salad every day on the set of Friends, waaaahh wah wah.” Well, Beyoncé is nothing like that, everyone. Not only does she enjoy a fast food cheeseburger, but she enjoyes it with champagne. THAT’S HOW YOU DO IT, ANISTON. Bey posted this photo on her Instagram:

beyonce fast food

Looks like that’s a bellini she’s drinking. Either someone was joining her or she really loves champagne. Oh God that looks so good. Even though In-N-Out’s fries are ass.

And listen up: yes, being a native LA douche, I realize that In-N-Out’s food is way better than McDonald’s. However, the Big Mac is delicious and compared to a cheeseburger at In-N-Out, as opposed to comparing it to a Gwyneth Paltrow happy meal, the two are equally “bad” for you. Point being, if Beyoncé can handle a fast food cheeseburger, anyone can. That includes you, Aniston. And I think Mrs. Carter looks pretty damn great.

What’s your favorite fast food?

Jennifer Aniston Is Too Delicate For Big Macs

Spike TV's Guys Choice 2013 jennifer aniston

Jennifer Aniston gave me serious Gwyneth feelings when she told NY Mag’s The Cut (via Daily Mail) how awful it felt to eat a Big Mac. Okay, look, I don’t feel like wearing a bikini and running in a field after I eat a Big Mac, but I don’t all get smarmy and high and mighty over it either. You eat it, it’s delicious, you hate yourself, you get over it, you do it again. This is the ritual, Aniston.

I’ll never forget when Justin and I were on a road trip and we were so hungry. [False, this so never happened, come on. You went on a road trip? When the hell did you have time to go on a road trip? I'm sorry, I'll let her continue.] The only thing around was McDonald’s. I think I ordered a Big Mac. Wow, my body did not react well to that! It was like putting gasoline in a purified system. I am always trying to eat organic and natural foods, so that just made my stomach turn and made me feel terrible. And I think what you put in your body, as well as stress, is reflected in the quality of your skin.

DON’T GO FULL GWYNETH, JENNIFER. YOU NEVER GO FULL GWYNETH.

I really want a f-cking Big Mac now, goddamn you Aniston.

Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux Have Stopped Talking About Their Wedding

jennifer aniston justin theroux

Oh, God. Can we just get this over with already? Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux have apparently completely stopped planning their wedding after a major fight about where they’ll eventually live. Apparently Justin wants to spend his time between LA and New York City, and Jen gave that idea a big “HELL NO” and wants to stay in SoCa full time.

From Radar Online:

As Radar reported, Thoreaux has been miserable living in sunny Los Angeles. But Jen has refused to move to New York.

In an attempt to break the impasse and formalize the start of their new life together Justin proposed a bi-coastal solution.

“He suggested the couple could live in New York City part-time, no more than six months a year (and L.A. the rest of the time),” the source said. “Justin misses the Big Apple, and his friends. His entire life was in New York, and he uprooted his entire life to move to LA to be with Jen.

“He thinks it’s time Jen start to compromise, but she is absolutely refusing to live on the East Coast, even part-time.”

That refusal by Jen has led to the delay in marriage by a couple that seemed quickly headed down the altar. Jen has settled in Los Angeles and even spent a significant sum fixing up her house, where she expects to live with Justin.

I don’t blame Justin on this one – I’d HATE living in LA. Every time I’m out there, I can’t wait to NOT be there again. Then again, it’s one of those places you feel nostalgic for once you’ve left. Still, the traffic, weather, traffic, shitty people, traffic, weather and shitty people (so bad they have to be named twice) are enough to keep me away for life.

So what will happen? Will a compromise be reached? Is this wedding going to happen or is Jen going to gain official Cat Lady status (in the eyes of SOCIETY, people) soon?

Jennifer Aniston Is Jealous of Kate Middleton’s Hair

jennifer aniston kate middleton

She may have been the head behind The Rachel, but Jennifer Aniston is not all that thrilled with her own hair – even though most women think it always looks amazing and she’s co-owner of the Living Proof brand now. Turns out, she actually wishes she had Kate Middleton‘s hair instead of her own. Sigh. No one’s ever happy with what they’ve got, are they? ARE THEY?!

From Marie Claire:

MC: Does anyone give you hair envy?
JA: Kate Middleton. Does she do her hair herself? She’s got a hard job, being scrutinized like that. When I have a bad hair day, my hair just goes in a clip.

I do agree that Kate – ahem, Catherine – has amazing hair, but she’s got tons of people to style it and make it look good for her, too. She doesn’t just roll out of bed with it looking like that.

Wanna know more about how great Jennifer’s hair ISN’T? Well, okay, since you asked nicely:

MARIE CLAIRE: You’ve always had great hair. Is it genetics or styling?
JENNIFER ANISTON: I have naturally wavy, frizzy Greek hair, and over the years it’s taken a beating from blow-dryers, flatirons, curlers, and extensions, which I think are the most damaging. I couldn’t get it to grow because it just kept breaking. Even when it was longer, it didn’t look long because the ends were so thin. I ended up using clip-in pieces just to fill it out.

MC: You’ve used hair extensions?
JA: Yes. There’s only so much hair can take. Mine was really brittle, dry, and dull, but the Living Proof Restore Mask Treatment brought it back to life.

I love it – nice bit of product placement there, Jen. Also, I hope women read this and take it to heart when they stare at magazines and think, “Ugh, she always looks so perfect!” Yeah, until she’s not got a team of make-up and hair artists to make her look like that. I mean, Jennifer Aniston is a pretty lady anyway, but that whole ~media perpetuation of the perfect woman~ thing is just ridiculous. And women still believe it’s true/what they should aspire to! Lord almighty.

Anyhow, glad Jen got that mop sorted out before the wedding that may never be

BREAKING: JENNIFER ANISTON STILL NOT MARRIED

justin theroux jennifer aniston

Jennifer Aniston is engaged to Justin Theoefwrox Theoreusxz Theroux but they haven’t yet married. I’m really bad at spelling Theroux on the first try. But I try, and I like to show you that I try. Teamwork, everyone.

So what’s the holdup, Jennifer Aniston? Please tell us about something that has absolutely nothing to do with us and explain right now why you’re not a wife. From People:

As fans eagerly wait for her to become Mrs. Theroux [LOL PEOPLE CALM DOWN, THIS SOUNDS LIKE NARRATION IN THE BEGINNING OF A DISNEY MOVIE], multiple sources tell PEOPLE that plans for the much-anticipated nuptials have slowed down.

A few months ago, arrangements were in full swing, says a source who speaks to Aniston often. “Wedding bands were designed and Jen was deciding on a dress,” says the source. The actress had a date in mind, too – this spring.

Now, with both Aniston, 44, and Theroux, 41, overloaded with work commitments and a massive house renovation, “wedding talk has stopped.”

[...] With their packed schedules and the challenges of combining their lifestyles, “they need to figure out a way to create a life that makes them both happy,” says the first source. Still, “Jen can’t wait to be [Justin's] wife.”

Oh, okay, good. I was worried there.

I don’t see them getting married. I’m not sure why. But when I close my eyes, the beautiful yet incredibly boring Aniston-Theroux wedding isn’t swimming into focus. What do you think?

Debbie Reynolds Tells Jennifer Aniston How It Really Is

debbie reynolds book signing 2013

Jennifer Aniston will be forever linked to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, so I hope she and the soon-to-be Mr. Aniston are okay with that. Even Debbie Reynolds brought up the legendary love triangle in an interview she did with The Sun. She likes the Anison/Pitt/Jolie mess to her own legendary love triangle. From The Sun:

I wish I could have been more enlightened at 18 and learned more about men because I could have avoided all the traps.

My first husband ran off with Elizabeth Taylor. A light suddenly dawned. He was away working in New York and staying at the same hotel as Elizabeth. So I phoned her room — not his.

He picked up the phone so I said: “Eddie, do you mind rolling over and telling Elizabeth I want to talk?”

He started denying it, saying: “Don’t be silly.” Then I heard her say in the background: “Who is it, Eddie, darling?”

I stood no chance against her. I was just like Jennifer Aniston with Brad Pitt when he fell in love with Angelina Jolie. If Angelina wants someone, then that is that. Certain women have that power. What chance did I have against Elizabeth, a woman of great womanly experience, when I had no experience at all?

… Men cheat in all sorts of ways that I could never have imagined.

Ouch. I get what she’s saying though. But ouch to her and ouch to bringing Jennifer Aniston into it, even though it’s totally the modern day retelling of the Reynolds/Fisher/Taylor mess. Jolie is sooooooo Taylor in so many ways. Just total movie star glam. Oh and Debbie Reynolds also talks about f-cking:

I wish I had enjoyed more sex. I have only ever slept with my three husbands and one friend — and he was my one and only good lover. I was a virgin when I married my first husband, Eddie Fisher, and I was stupid and innocent. You did not get pregnant, you did not screw anyone, you did not have affairs. I was raised to think that if you behaved badly with men, you went to hell. I realize now it is puritanical and not very adult.

What a bummer to live like that.

elizabeth taylor debbie reynolds

(L to R: Eddie Fisher, Elizabeth Taylor, Debbie Reynolds.)