Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Jennifer Aniston

Jennifer Aniston Isn’t Pregnant, For the 9,000th Time

jennifer aniston

If Jennifer Aniston was pregnant every time a magazine speculated she is, she’d have roughly 9,000 kids by now. Seriously, people – lay off it. Lately Jen’s been sporting a “baby bump” (read: Big Mac belly after lunch) and the press has taken that as a sure sign that THIS TIME, by God, she’s going to spawn a child! It’s finally happening! it’s getting real! Except… totally not.

Jennifer was forced to clear up the “rumours” on Australia’s Kyle and Jackie O Show on Monday:

“There’s nothing to announce. That’s just a couple of pounds.”

Yeah, I mean, damn. Let the girl breathe (and eat, apparently). She had to near on starve herself for We’re The Millers (and, well, for her entire life as an actress) and now that she’s chillin’ and is in a happy relationship (sure cause of weight gain), she’s put on like, what, 5 lbs? Give me a break.

Frankly, I think it’s unlikely Jennifer Aniston will ever have kids, and here’s a newsflash: THAT’S TOTALLY OKAY. Not all women are sitting there pining for a tiny squirming human to look after. Let’s all follow our own paths, etc.


Aw, Jennifer Aniston Threw Justin Theroux a Party

jennifer aniston justin theroux

They should probably be having a wedding party by now, but instead Jennifer Aniston threw forever fiancé Justin Theroux a super “casual” (read: probably boring?) birthday party at their “$21 million Bel Air mansion” on Saturday. Plenty of stars were in attendance, including Ben Stiller (why?), Dax Shepard, Emily Blunt and Ellen & Portia. Sounds like a hoot.

Here’s the scoop from US Weekly:

Pre-party, a source tells Us Weekly that the ladies got ready inside (Aniston’s hair stylist Chris McMillan was on hand to style the We’re The Millers star), while Theroux, an actor-screenwriter, hung out with his guys outside.

“Several of Justin’s friends spent the afternoon at the house hanging out by the pool with him and celebrating his birthday,” an eyewitness shares. “It was a relaxed afternoon and they were all in the cabana area having drinks and listening to music like Kanye West and The Kinks.”

“Most people were dressed casually in jeans and T-shirts,” a source tells Us. “Justin was dressed casually in a black T-shirt and black jeans, and Jen had on a short green skirt and long sleeved top.”

While the actress, 44, chatted with her friends, mostly sticking to gal pals Fisher and Meyer, the birthday boy — who received gifts from Cartier and Barney’s — spent a majority of the night with Shepard and Kimmel.

There was also an indoor BBQ, a fire pit and awesome sunset views, I guess. I have to laugh at the people who sold this story to US Weekly. Is it even true? Sure, the party happened, but anyone could make up shit like the fire pit and whatnot. I dunno, whatever. Happy birthday, Justin Theroux? Oh, and one more question: what did they do with all the chickens?

Best And Worst Celebrity Looks Of The Week

Dear Jennifer Hudson, this is awful. Sorry. Sincerely, me.

Dear Jennifer Hudson, this is awful. Sorry. Sincerely, me.

Time for the Best And Worst Celebrity Looks Of The Week. We’re covering late July and very early August. In case you didn’t know. And now you do. And learning is fun. Obviously, Courtney Stodden’s lettuce bikini is included in here.

BEST: Dita Von Teese

WORST: Bachelor Sean Lowe

WTF?!?: Click to find out! (It’s a doozy.)

courtney stodden lettuce bikini peta

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Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux Aren’t Nudists, But They Do Raise Chickens

jennifer aniston chelsea lately

Not really sure what to make of this interview, but Jennifer Aniston turned up on her friend Chelsea Handler‘s talkshow, Chelsea Lately, for a little chit chat. While there, Chelsea asked Jen to comment on rumours that she and forever fiancé Justin Theroux are nudists. Turns out, they’re not but they do raise chickens? I don’t know, but here’s People‘s recap of the episode:

“We don’t walk around nude, darling,” she told good friend Chelsea Handler. “I mean, we do when it’s appropriate. He’s comfortable enough in his skin.”

“No, that’s not true. That’s absolute B.S.,” she said of the nudism rumor.

If they were nudists, she pointed out, how would they raise their chickens? “Are we, like, collecting eggs naked and walking the lawns naked?” she asked.

Wait, chickens?

“I’m not raising them. We inherited them,” she said. “Well, I guess we are keeping them alive, yes.”

Amateur chicken farming does have its upsides, though. “We have so many eggs,” Aniston said. “People are getting so sick of getting eggs. It’s like, here, we didn’t bring wine, but here’s a carton of eggs!”

So, what have we learned here today, folks? Jennifer Aniston raises chickens, brings eggs instead of wine to dinner parties and is generally always wearing clothes. All important facts to add to her Wikipedia page, no doubt. I’ve never even heard rumours about them being nudists, but maybe I’m just out of touch.

Jennifer Aniston Is In No Rush To Get Married

American Cinematheque 26th Annual Award Presentation To Ben Stiller 2012

Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux may have stopped talking about their wedding, but that’s only just because Jennifer doesn’t really care about getting married. Sure, it’ll happen eventually, but what’s the rush? Some couples stay engaged for years! Maybe even decades! Maybe they’ll just never have a wedding and why does it matter because it’s just a silly wedding!!!!!!!

Anyway, Jennifer basically told E News (via Metro) that there’s no hurry for a ceremony since the pair “already feel married” and are just chillin’ in their non-married married life.

‘We just want to do it when it’s perfect, and we’re not rushed, and no one is rushing from a job or rushing to a job,’ the 44-year-old Friends star said, despite anticipation the pair were to wed this summer after announcing their engagement.

‘And, you know, we already feel married,’ she said at the premiere of her new flick We Are The Millers.

That’s fair enough – I’m sure lots of people feel that way. Marriage is a really outdated idea. Of course, I think anyone who wants to get married should absolutely go for it, but I don’t think couples who DON’T get married are any less committed to one another in the slightest (RIP, Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins‘ relationship!) but it is a little dicey when you’re a celebrity who announced your engagement and made a big to-do about tying the knot and don’t do it when everyone’s waiting on it. Not that they owe anything to the public or whatever. GOD, I HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS, OKAY.

Jennifer Aniston’s New Hair Makes Her Look Like Jennifer Grey

jennifer aniston jennifer grey comparison

Jennifer Aniston‘s new hair makes her look like an older version of pre-nose job Jennifer Grey. That’s not a bad thing! Don’t worry, Aniston fans, it’s a wig for her upcoming film, Squirrels to the Nuts, the one she did with Will Forte who gushed all over the place about how great she was at giving him relationship advice. Here’s how that went:

Will Forte: I don’t know what to do, I think my girlfriend is going to break up with me and she’s going to take the dog and I really don’t want her to because it’s jus—
Jennifer Aniston: (Who the f-ck is this guy? Why is he talking to me? Does he work here? Say something.) Uh oh, sweetie, I’m sorry. (He’s still talking. Who is this person? Is this my new assistant? Is he–GOT IT. He’s in the movie. With me. Okay, why is he telling me this?) Ohh, honey, that’s terrible. (Did I say something to him? Oh crap I think I asked him if he had a girlfriend. I was just trying to be polite! Okay, just sit here and say things and text your assistant to save you.)

But who knows.

Jennifer Grey is an actress best known for being in the car with Matthew Broderick when he fell asleep at the wheel and hit another car, head-on, killing both passengers inside. (More on this story from an archived 1987 article from People.) He and Grey remained unscathed and he did not go to jail. He was charged with careless driving and fined $175 and that was it (Wikipedia).

I’m sorry, that’s not what she’s known for at all. What I meant to say was Jennifer Grey is an actress best known for Dirty Dancing and then getting a nose job and ruining her career.

I ALWAYS get those two stories mixed up!

jennifer aniston wig new movie

Come on, guys, I see it. Can you? Just a little?

Suck It, Aniston: Beyonce Enjoys Fast Food, Posts Proof

beyonce performing

Jennifer Aniston recently went all, “waaah I can’t handle a Big Mac, even though I ate a cobb salad every day on the set of Friends, waaaahh wah wah.” Well, Beyoncé is nothing like that, everyone. Not only does she enjoy a fast food cheeseburger, but she enjoyes it with champagne. THAT’S HOW YOU DO IT, ANISTON. Bey posted this photo on her Instagram:

beyonce fast food

Looks like that’s a bellini she’s drinking. Either someone was joining her or she really loves champagne. Oh God that looks so good. Even though In-N-Out’s fries are ass.

And listen up: yes, being a native LA douche, I realize that In-N-Out’s food is way better than McDonald’s. However, the Big Mac is delicious and compared to a cheeseburger at In-N-Out, as opposed to comparing it to a Gwyneth Paltrow happy meal, the two are equally “bad” for you. Point being, if Beyoncé can handle a fast food cheeseburger, anyone can. That includes you, Aniston. And I think Mrs. Carter looks pretty damn great.

What’s your favorite fast food?