Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Jennifer Aniston

Jennifer Aniston Has Just Been Handed New Material For The Next Two Years Worth Of Interviews

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Okay, I’m just kidding.  Sort of.

Now, it’s totally just a widely-reported rumor at this point, but it’s a rumor I believe:  Jennifer Aniston got dumped by John Mayer when she returned from her European Marley & Me tour.  It’s classic commitment-phobe behavior; they took it to the next level and he freaked out.  And really, doesn’t this picture just say it all?  Sure, a few pictures of them on Oscar night showed more reciprocal affection, but seriously, most of them were of Jen looking like one of those clip-on plush Koala toys you put on your pencil in 1984.  Does anyone remember those?

I guess we’ll just have to stay tuned on this one.  John Mayer is working on an album right now and Aniston is set to start filming her sure-fire flop, The Baster.  And yes, I am predicting its failure based solely on the name of the flick.  How very shallow.

Jennifer Aniston: “Attention Everyone! I Was Married To Brad Pitt!”

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Surely you remember, it was only two weeks ago, that Jennifer Aniston didn’t want to discuss her marriage with Brad Pitt?  You know, the marriage that ended years ago.

Now Jen is doing promo work for Marley & Me in the UK and talked with Hello! magazine:

You were with Brad Pitt for seven years – and married for five. It must have been very intense, in the public eye? [sic] “It was. But I don’t regret any of that time with Brad and I’m not here to beat myself up about it. They were seven very intense years together, and it was a beautiful and complicated relationship. I will love Brad for the rest of my life – you can’t take away good memories. I really do hope that we’ll be good friends again at some point. You can survive anything – human endurance is unbelievable. But yes, it’s sad coming to the end of something special. You try to avoid all the pain but that somehow causes even more. I’m a human being, have human experiences.”

I know Jen says that humans are durable and can survive anything but I really do not know if I can overcome one more fucking interview about her marriage that lasted four and a half years, has been over for four years, and is still the only topic she has to talk about.

Quotables

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“I don’t owe anybody my side of the story.There are no sides! There is no bad guy and there is no good guy.  There are no villains and there is no heroine in this story.”

Jennifer Aniston in April’s issue of Elle UK discussing how she isn’t going to talk about her split from Brad.  Which I find ironic since I feel like she is always talking about her “husband.”

Advice to Jen?  If you don’t feel that you owe anyone your side of the story, stop sharing your side of the story with everyone.

Jen & John: Has It Really Been a Year?

John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston at the Oscars Pictures Photos

Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer made their first public appearance as a couple at the Oscars last weekend, and People magazine points out that the two have been dating for a whole year now!

Where does the time go??? It feels like just yesterday John was out and about making Jessica Simpson’s life a living hell. I’m getting so old.

“At some point, you feel comfortable and say, ‘This is the choice I want to make,’” Mayer told Ryan Seacrest on his KIIS-FM morning radio show Wednesday, referring to the couple’s decision to “out” themselves.

What do you guys think? Is this thing for real? Is John Mayer finally ready to settle down?

I’ve Never Been A Huge Drew Barrymore Fan; I’m Reconsidering.

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I know this story comes from The Enquirer, but I have a feeling it’s true.  Or I’m just projecting and hope it’s true.  Though Drew’s sweet potato face (not to be confused with sweet, potato face) on those Cover Girl ads annoys me, she can’t stand John Mayer.  That is a stance I can support.

Drew Barrymore is begging Jennifer Aniston to dump John Mayer, telling her: “You can do better!” says a friend of the actresses.

The two beauties – recent co-stars in the hit He’s Just Not That Into You – had a recent heart-to-heart talk about the commitment-phobic rocker, pals say, with Drew urging Jen to keep looking because John’s using her to boost his career.

“Drew told Jen she could do way better and she’d be a fool to settle for him,” a close pal told The ENQUIRER.

“The first time Jen introduced twice-divorced Drew to John, they clashed,” added the source.

“They bickered for so long that Jen had to step in and change the subject.”

Over the past 10 months, Drew has heard all of Jen’s horror stories about 31-year-old John’s roving eye, how he blabs about his love life and how he refuses to discuss marriage or children, added the source.

When quizzed recently about what dating advice she gives to girlfriends, Drew revealed: “Don’t coddle your friends, help them grow. Stop repeating those bad patterns. If he doesn’t make you feel good, get out!”

“And even though Jen is crazy in love with John, I think a part of her is worried that Drew may be right.”

Danica Patrick Thinks Jennifer Aniston Is Old And Angelina Jolie Is Perfect

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Race car driver Danica Patrick pondered the question of the ages (literally) with US Magazine:  What actress would you want to play you in a movie about your life?

“I’ve always said Angelina Jolie would be great because she’s an action star,” Patrick, 26, told a group of Canadian bloggers. “Although I don’t quite look like her,” Patrick goes on. What about Jennifer Aniston? “I don’t think that’d be age appropriate,” she says of the He’s Just Not That Into You star, who just celebrated her 40th birthday. “She’s older than me!”

Hard to picture either of them clamoring for that role.

Isn’t it unfortunate when a celeb is tragically positioned in front of a movie poster?  She looks like she went ballistic with Ken Paves/Jessica Simpson hair extensions.  Oh well!

Ah, and not that anyone will be doing a biopic of me, but if I had to pick for myself, hmmm….Janeane Garofalo, maybe?  I asked my mother who she would cast as me and she came up with Emily Blunt.  Pass me a bottle of pills, please.  A big one.

The Aniston Audio Library

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 In the upcoming issue of Marie Claire magazine during a group interview with her He’s Just Not That Into You co-stars Jennifer Aniston admits to keeping an odd memento from each of her major relationships.

“I still have the cassette tapes of messages from my first boyfriend, my second boyfriend, my husband . . . It’s like saving love letters.” 

I’m really glad that she’s a self-sufficient woman who is totally over her ex and doesn’t need a man to complete her because if I were a dude and heard this I’d run in the other direction. Actual love letters are one thing. Small trinkets or stuffed animals are totally acceptable. But to admit that you keep old phone messages in an obsolete media format is a wee bit disturbing, no? 

I wonder if Mayer is going to go through all her shit searching for his tape. He’ll pretend not to care, but you know he’s a vulnerable, gawky nerd boy on the inside and it would tear him apart to know he didn’t make the Aniston Archives.