Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Jennifer Aniston

Let’s Check Out That Aniston/Moore/Keys Lifetime Movie, Shall We?

Let’s just be real, if it’s a Lifetime movie, I’ll watch it. A cheesy William and Kate movie? I’m on it. A film featuring Jennifer Love Hewitt? I’ll be there. So really, when I heard that Jennifer Aniston, Demi Moore, and Alicia Keys (and Penelope Spheeris and Patty Jenkins) were going to be directing some tearjerker about breast cancer? I cried a little just thinking about it.

And now we hear that this Five business also features the talents of Rosario Dawson, Tony Shalhoub, Josh Holloway, Jennifer Morrison, and Jeffrey Tambor? Forget about it, I’m all over it, let’s do this already.

Will any of you be tuning in as well?

Jennifer Aniston, Demi Moore, and Alicia Keys Team Up for Glamour

photo of jennifer aniston, demi moore and alicia keys on the cover of glamour magazine pics

You know what’s real nice? Celebrities who spend their time doing stuff to raise awareness about something important, while investing their finances in a project that’s going to help save lives, unlike the antics of vapid twat gnats like those on shows such as Real Housewives and Jersey Shore. It’s positively refreshing, isn’t it?

From Glamour:

This month the three friends team up to help launch the women’s advocacy project of the year: Five, a series of films about women and breast cancer that, stitched together in a two-hour block airing on Lifetime on October 10, powerfully show how breast cancer affects women’s lives, families and friendships.

What Jennifer Aniston had to say to Glamour about the Five project:

“We were intrigued by the challenge of creating short stories that would defy audiences’ expectation of the subject. We wanted to balance the drama with humor and irreverence because that’s what’s helped our friends who’ve faced this get through their treatment. We wanted stories that were informative without being heavy-handed. Oh, and they needed to be brilliantly written. Other than that, our goals were small. [Laughs.]”

On those pesky Angelina-voodoo rumors:

“There’s not nearly as much stealing and obsessing and middle-of-the-night secret calls to ex-boyfriends and scheming and cheating [as they lead you to believe]. Most of it’s just bullshit, however entertaining.”

What Demi Moore had to say to Glamour about the Five project:

“I think that so often there is that ‘out of sight, out of mind’ feeling, like breast cancer is happening to other people, not you. Before this project came up. Even I really didn’t want to pay attention. I feel that this came to me to make me pay attention.”

On keeping the fires burning at home:

“I’m an old-school romantic, so I get giddy when Ashton shows me another way of saying ‘I love you’—any little thought or gesture that’s playful or sweet. We leave Post-it notes for each other; some have been sticking up for five or six years! For me, it’s the small things.”

What Alicia Keys had to say to Glamour about the Five project:

“After I read the scripts, I felt like this was something important, and I wanted to be a part of it. I chose Lili because she’s close to my age and I understood the family dynamic. I had an immediate idea of what I could bring to it.”

On waking up to find the important things in life:

“… There were certain people [I was working with] who weren’t right. I had friends who weren’t right anymore. I was tired and I had overworked myself and burnt myself out. So I went to Egypt by myself. When I saw what was built there, it made me understand how powerful we are, that we can create anything. And I felt like I needed to create things that were timeless too.”

What lovely ladies. Seriously.

For the full, in-depth interview, check out Glamour‘s site here.

Jennifer Aniston Might Get Married by The End of The Year!

A photo of Jennifer Aniston

Oh, Jennifer Aniston. You’ve come a long way, baby. It’s been a rough ride, but word on the street is that things are finally working out for you. You’re moving in with your boyfriend, Justin Theroux, and nobody really cares about that 14 year fling he had right before he met you. There’s some talk of motherhood in the future! And you know what would be the icing on the cake here? A WEDDING!

Star is reporting that Jennifer wants to marry Justin before 2012 in a small, private ceremony in Mexico. Sources are saying that Jen “feels there’s no reason to wait” and that “she’s never felt more comfortable nor felt she had so much in common with a man as she does with Justin.” And what would the hottest woman of the decade wear to such an event? A “short off-white” or “pastel” dress, natch!

Well, we’ll see, I suppose. I honestly think that after all this time, Jennifer has a pretty solid idea out of what she wants out of a relationship, but what’s the rush? Wouldn’t it be more fun to savor all the stages of a relationship than to jump ahead so far?

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“Justifer” Is Thinking About Buying a House

Justin Theroux and Jennifer Aniston at Heathrow Airport, July 21 (Bauer Griffin)

First Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux were “pre-engaged,” which, OK, you two serial monogamists, throw yourselves into the folly of love. Be silly; have fun with it; shine on, you crazy diamonds. Fine.

Then, on Wednesday, the couple visited London for the premiere of Horrible Bosses, and they went out for drinks with Louis Theroux. Which, OK, certainly, at the three-month mark, it is normal to start introducing your new pookie to your famous relatives. This is a totally normal relationship trajectory.

Now, People—which is a cheesy outlet, sure, but seldom publishes a lie—is reporting that the new couple is house-hunting. NO. NOT OK. Ugh, I cannot even.

Listen, I know how it is. You go, “Oh, we’re practically living together anyway, so this’ll be easier on everyone.” You go, “Oh, my lease is up in two months, so we’ll just go look for an apartment together.” Or you’re checking your bank account, thinking, “Well, there was that economic recession, so I’m sure I can convince my mother of the wise frugality of this new living arrangement.” In the words of your mother, WRONG. Moving in too soon is the fastest way to kill the tender bud of a new relationship. You might as well say, “Well, I’m tired of being wined and dined; I’d like to cut straight to the needless bickering.”

This is the opposite of a Whirlwind Romance. *puts on spectacles* Ahem. Moving-too-fast can actually be a defensive tactic: instead of letting a relationship organically unfold, you demand to know whether this relationship is going to work out, like, yesterday. No time for romantic frivolity! We’re all getting older! The clock is ticking! Go! Go! And that’s a lot of undue stress, because no one can live up to those expectations. (I know! I should be Aniston’s marriage counselor!)

And although I have never claimed to be “for” the Justifer coupling, they are so adamant (and their getting-together, so messy) that I just hope they don’t screw anything up.

Ok, Jennifer Aniston Is Definitely Going to Be A Mom, GOSH!

A photo of Jennifer Aniston

Let me just tell you, girlfriend CANNOT get a break. First, Jennifer got herself a shiny new boyfriend, but wait, he’s been in a relationship for 14 years! Then when she gets over that hump, she gets photographed looking silly and plastic and then just a little frumpy. And THEN we learned about her solo ride through couple’s therapy. And you know what underscored all these recent rocky moments, and indeed, all these rocky years? The notion that Jen might never have that baby that she’s wanted for all this time.

But it’s ok! It’s fine, you guys! She’s totally going to be a mom:

“I’d love to have children one day. And it’ll happen. I am open to being a single mother, to adopting. I’m just fine with it.”

See? Nobody has to worry about Jennifer anymore, because even if her new man doesn’t work out, and even if no relationship works out again, it’s going to happen. And secretly? I’m kind of happy for her.

Jennifer Aniston Goes to Couple’s Therapy …

A photo of Jennifer Aniston

Are you ready for this?  Are you ready for the end of that sentence?  Ok …

By herself. Jennifer Aniston is going to couple’s therapy BY HERSELF. Is that not just the saddest thing you’ve ever heard?

Heres’s the full quote:

“She’s been doing a really intensive form of couples’ therapy on her own. She’s conquered the crippling trust issues she had,” a source told British magazine Look.

“They [she and Justin Theroux] are so, so madly in love. He makes her feel happier than she has ever done in her whole life. Justin isn’t like the other guys she has met, he doesn’t pretend not to be into her, he tells her how much he loves her and all he asks for is honesty in return.

“Jen says Justin completes her and that if she hadn’t had therapy, she may have driven him away.”

Is this a thing people do, go to couple’s therapy alone?  If it is, then I’m sorry, I take it all back and I respect and admire all you do, Jennifer. But if it’s not a thing people do, then geez, what state do you have to be in to require that kind of action?

Love It or Leave It: What in God’s Name Does Jennifer Aniston Have Going on These Days

photo of jennifer aniston photos fat weight gain pregnancy pics

This is the woman who’s had a decade of hotness? This? The newly-swollen Jennifer Aniston who might have intentionally put a few pounds on and started dressing like she’s six months pregnant in order to fuel those “FINALLY! A BABY” rumors that she’s so good at finding on the covers of grocery store magazines?

I know you’re really excited about your new boyfriend and stuff, but give it about six months before you go starting this kind of stuff. It’s, like, bad luck to pretend you’re pregnant in the first few weeks of dating, haven’t you heard?