11Quotables: Jennifer Aniston Called Perez Hilton Out

“I ran into Perez Hilton in a garage. One of those moments you just never expect to happen. I had finished dinner with a girlfriend and we were driving out and I saw this tall, long, lean person and I say, ‘Who is that?’ And she says, ‘I think that’s Perez Hilton.’ I said, ‘No, I have to say something to him. I have to.’ I pulled up and we were sort of scoping each other out as I was pulling the car up. I just rolled down the window and I was like, ‘Hi.’ And he went, ‘Hi.’ We stood there like two deer in headlights and I just said, ‘Come here. Just talk to me for a second.’ It was one of those great moments. It was a lovely meeting and I was just like, ‘Why are you so mean?’ There’s something really great about putting a human being in front of another human being and then the reality that those words, even if it’s for humor or effect or whatever, there’s a human being behind all of that… And he’s kept it up too which is good.”

- Jennifer Aniston explains on Ellen how she got Perez Hilton to ease up on her/everyone.

Can you believe that sweet little Jenny Aniston was the one who finally got Perez to realize he was a bully and to quit being so mean all the time?

February 2, 2011 at 1:00 pm by Molls

1If Jennifer Aniston is Dating Adrien Brody Like It’s Being Rumored, I’m Going to Have to End Her Career

I haven’t thought of just how yet, but this bitch will be done.  Ruination by cheap, imitation flat iron or even an embarrassing eHarmony exposé.  Something.  Something, we’ll see.  It’s on.

I know that I kind of explode a little bit when I find out that my very own Brody is rumored to be dating anyone, but for him to be dating my Hollywood nemesis, the object of all my celebrity-related snarky mocking? It’s not the type of news that I wanted to wake up to – in fact, this makes for a really fucking bad Tuesday morning.

According to Showbiz Spy, Brody and Aniston were caught getting cozy with one another – probably at a launch of another stupid, sparkly Jennifer Aniston-themed perfume that fucking no one’s gonna wear, because who the hell wants to smell like desperation and salty unshed tears anyway? – but that’s aside from the point:

“Jen and Adrien were flirting with each other outrageously — you could totally tell that they’re an item. At one point, Adrien was leading Jen away in hand. She was rubbing her hands down his back and gazing into his eyes like she was totally smitten. Jen is definitely very taken by Adrien, who has been a close acquaintance of hers for a long time. He’s a charming, intelligent guy who has no pretensions about him whatsoever, so Jen always feels at ease in his company. And besides the fact he isn’t insecure about her success, she loves the dangerous, edgy side to him. He exudes this rugged sex appeal that Jen gravitates towards. But she needs to be careful.”

First of all, Jen gives that ‘smitten’ look to any male that makes eye contact with her.  I heard her mailman had to be reassigned to a different route because she creeped him out so bad.  And that was a mailman.  Come on, Adrien! Like, it’s actually pretty simple. If you’re not going to cave, meet my incessant demands and contacts to your agent to start sharing my bed (even for a few minutes, I promise thatsallineed) stat, then at least pick a cool chick to bone. Because Jennifer Aniston, man. That’s just embarrassing for you, and frankly, I don’t know how much more disappointment I can take today.

January 4, 2011 at 6:30 am by Sarah

0David Schwimmer and Wife Announce Pregnancy

If Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie procreating didn’t send Jennifer Aniston over the edge, you know this shit will.  Yeah, I know that Jen never had an actual romantic relationship with David Schwimmer, but come on. This is so something that Jennifer would privately bellyache about, even if she had no prior claim to him. Why? I don’t know.  It’s just what she does.  Please don’t ask me to fathom the brittle mind of a spurned rom-com addict like Jennifer Aniston. I just can’t go there today. It’s too close to the holidays.

Schwimmer, who is newly wed to actress Zoe Buckman, announced yesterday afternoon that they are having a baby.

This, by the way, was Jen’s response to her old friend’s good news:

(more…)

December 23, 2010 at 8:00 am by Sarah

6Quotables: Chelsea Handler Claims She Ain’t Got Nothin’ on Jennifer Aniston, But Is Sleeping With 50 Cent

“I was trying not to get photographed next to her in a bathing suit, for obvious reasons. So I did a lot of stuff on my own. I can’t bring 50 Cent with me, ’cause he’s not a strong swimmer. … I call him Curtis when we’re having sex. … [But] he does have a real name. His name is Curtis. Curtis…I don’t know, I should find out.”

The ever-amusing Chelsea Handler speaks to Jay Leno regarding her recent Thanksgiving day jaunt to Mexico with pal Jennifer Aniston and also addresses the ever-continuous rumors that her fine old ass is being walloped by 50 Cent on the regular.

December 1, 2010 at 11:00 am by Sarah

8Love It Or Leave It: Jennifer Aniston’s Woody Allen Glasses

I totally, totally love the outfit, and the glasses definitely flatter Jen’s face, but they also kind of age her, too. Not that she’s, you know, old, or even looking any older than her forty-one years, but the glasses definitely give you an idea of what girlfriend’s going to look like when she’s in her sixties.

And if she’s OK with that, I am too – because although I give Aniston a lot of crap for being a wimpy man-wanting rom-com fiend, I also have to give her credit for staying true to herself – and her looks.

November 18, 2010 at 6:30 am by Sarah

2Vanity Fair Poll Names Most Eligible Bacherlorettes

And guess who topped the list of single female celebrities? My very best Friend, Jennifer Aniston. As if that’d come as a surprise. It seems like whenever these ‘Most Eligible’ polls are conducted, the people behind them play Santa Claus and remind the world that these lucky celebrities are, indeed, still single and list reasons why you should go for it and try to lure both their attentions and reproductive organs.

So yes. I guess it’s only natural that the eternal bachelorette, Jennifer ‘Unlucky-in-Love’ Aniston, would top the list.

Others that placed?

Coming in at number two, Halle Berry, who recently split with baby daddy Gabriel Aubry. Number three is my girl Elin Nordegren, who recently walked away with a cool chunk of change. Number four is Betty White (which boggles my mind … I love Rose and all, but come on. Get over this revival nouveau already would you please). Coming in fifth place is Lady Gaga, and sixth is Supreme Court Justice Elena Kagan. … Yes, that Elena Kagan.

Any single ladies missing from this list? Are you surprised that, um, certain women did make the cut over others?

October 7, 2010 at 7:47 am by Sarah