Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Jenni "JWoww" Farley

JWoww Is Putting Money In Snooki’s Baby’s College Fund

snooki jwoww

Somehow, the stars of Jersey Shore continue to make money doing… whatever it is they do. Selling fake tan or horse hair extensions or something. In any case, having a bit of spare dough has lit a fire under Jenni ‘JWoww’ Farley‘s Photoshopped ass to do a bit of good, so she’s put some away for Snooki‘s baby (and her godson) Lorenzo. Aww, isn’t that sweet?

From MTV News:

While she may only be a couple weeks into her godmother duties, she’s already planning for the future in a major way. “I think I’ll be a pretty good god mommy,” she said. “I already started Lorenzo’s college tuition. That was his present from me. So even though I hope he gets a scholarship [because] I’d rather buy him a car than have to pay for college, I think he’ll do good. I think he’ll earn a wrestling scholarship.

“This is what I feel in my future,” she said. “And I’m just gonna show him the ways and hope he learns from me and his mom’s errors and mistakes that we made along the way.”

Uh, okay. My first instinct is to talk shit about this, but it’s actually a pretty nice gesture and a smart decision – especially since we all know that reality show money is not going to last forever (just ask The Situation!). I still kinda can’t believe Snooki is a mother, though.

J Woww is Angry That You Saw Her Bum, Says It Was Photoshopped

Jan 2, 2013 | #myass part 1!!!! My real booty lol make fun of mine not a fake one lol by JENNIWOWW on Keek.com

Jan 2, 2013 | #my ass part 2!!! by JENNIWOWW on Keek.com

J Woww says the photo of her ass circulating the internets is “vile” and “disgusting,” and claims that a huge amount of Photoshopping happened in order for her bum to look like … well, like my grandmother’s, if my grandmother wore skanky, too-short sequin dresses and had the bad judgement to bend over while on stage.

After watching the video, do you guys believe that the original photo was, indeed, ‘shopped, or do you think it was definitely her ass, just from a bad angle?

photo of j woww pictures

Happy New Year from J Woww’s Ass

photo of j woww ass new year's eve pictures
So Jersey Shore‘s J Woww and Snooki were tapped by MTV to host their New Year’s Eve celebration the other night, none other than J Woww’s grandma ass made an appearance, as you can see from the photo above.

In what can only be described as foreshadowing, J Woww had this to say about her then-upcoming stint as co-host of MTV’s Club NYE 2013:

“[I'm] preparing for a sh–show, basically. I’m trying to find that happy medium of not drunk but drunk… so not too drunk. Not like Snooki wasted but before that. Before my eyes start crossing and I can still read the teleprompter.”

Snooki, the show’s other host, had this to say:

“I’m still trying to get my body back form having a baby so I wanna make sure I have enough sparkle and enough bounce in my hair. I just wanna make sure I look good cause I know hosting with Jenni’s gonna be so much fun. I’m not worried about that but I just wanna make sure I look the part.”

In related news, J Woww is a rabid hose beast who wears dresses that are too short to live. Coincidence? I hardly think so.

Happy, happy New Year, everyone!

J Woww Dressed as a Nerdy Catherine Zeta-Jones for Halloween This Year

photo of j woww halloween pictures
And isn’t she cute? Seriously, this might be the best that J Woww‘s ever looked in life, and that’s almost sad, considering it’s only for Halloween.

For real, though? She’s looking a lot like CZJ circa ‘Mask of Zorro’, and if you don’t believe me, here it is:

photo of catherine zeta jones pictures
Right? Granted, Woww’s face is much puffier and a lot shinier because of fillers than CZJ’s lovely one, but there’s a lot of the same features going on there, and generally speaking, I think this is a winning look for girlfriend (both of them; how hot was Catherine in that movie? Damn).

JWoww Is Still Engaged, Ruined Her Face

A photo of Roger Mathews and JWoww

No, listen, I love JWoww, I really do. She and Snooki are my very favorites, without a doubt. I think that, for all of her drunken antics, she’s got a good head on her shoulders, and even though she claims that she’ll rip a guy’s head off after having sex with him, I think has a big heart. No, it’s just her face. She just ruined her face.

Here’s a picture of JWoww after the filming of the second season of Jersey Shore:

A photo of JWoww

She still has those enormous implants, obviously, but I don’t think she’d had any other plastic surgery at that point. She looks cute, right? But now look at JWoww now:

A photo of JWoww

That’s crazy, isn’t it? I couldn’t even begin to name the procedures she’s has done, unless there’s a “your whole face”-plasty. It’s just everything, her whole face looks weird and tweaked. And she’s only 26 years old. Just meditate on that for a minute. This 26-year-old woman did this to her face. Are you disturbed? Because I’m a little disturbed.

So here’s a palate cleanser:

A photo of Emily's cats

It’s my little kitty cuddling my big kitty’s head on top of my dresser with the teddy bears on it! They have not had any plastic surgery.

Because I Know You Were Just Dying of Curiosity, J Woww’s RANG

photo of j woww pictures engagement ring photos
Here it is. And here you are, looking at it. ‘It’, of course, would be the ill-gotten (?) engagement ring of a reality show ho who calls herself J WOWW and who prides herself on bar fights and how much she can drink (and puke) in one night. Don’t you feel good about yourself now? Because you should.

Also, good ol’ Jenny Loves the Cock is all a-titter over the ring, saying she’s not worthy of it or something. From an exclusive interview with In Touch magazine:

“It’s more than I ever expected,” Jenni, 27, tells In Touch.

Roger, 37, says he spent months planning the proposal and worked with jeweler Layna Friedman to design the ring, with a cushion-cut diamond that’s more than 5 carats surrounded by 2.5 carats of pink and white diamonds in a white-gold setting.

“Roger’s not an average-looking guy, he’s huge: his personality, his size [6'4"]. So I always said, ‘I want my ring like you — big! The bigger the better!’”

And the first person she called to share the good news? Her best friend, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, who will be by her pal’s side as a bridesmaid or maid of honor when she walks down the aisle. “If there’s anyone in this world that wanted me to be engaged more than me,” Jenni says, “it’d be Nicole.”

So many, many things I could say about Jenni’s “the bigger, the better” comment. So many, many things I could say about the “anyone in this world that wanted me to be engaged more than me” comment. Oh good heavens. J Woww’s going to be a Jersey bridezilla with a capital HERPE (and yes, to the smart-ass commenter that, one time, said, “God I hope it’s a typo and you don’t actually believe that ‘herpes’ is a plural form of ‘herpe’, YES I’m using the word—my word—”herpe” again. LOVE YOU GIRL!).

Oh, So J Woww Got Engaged, Huh?

photo of j woww pictures classy picture
From Radar Online:

From one daring leap to another, JWOWW’s longtime boyfriend Roger Mathews popped the question to the reality star when they were skydiving, WetPaint Entertainment is exclusively reporting.

“It happened the middle of last week during filming for season two of Snooki & JWOWW,” a production insider exclusively told Wetpaint. “(JWOWW) and Roger went skydiving and jumped out of a plane together. After landing safely, Roger shocked her by getting down on one knee and proposing. Of course, she said yes!”

As for the bling, “It’s beautiful!” said the insider, “and big.”

Just don’t expect to see the bride-to-be wearing her sparkler anytime soon, as the exclusive reveal will be saved for the show.

“The crew took great pains to make sure they weren’t followed by photographers and the footage is being kept tightly under wraps. Everyone will have to wait until Season 2 to see it.”

I’m so glad the “exclusive” “reveal” is going to be “saved” for the show, because that definitely screams “CLASS!” and not “MONEY!” at all. Good for you, J Woww. Can’t wait to see what kind of virginal, blushing bride you make, girl.