Jan 2, 2013 | #myass part 1!!!! My real booty lol make fun of mine not a fake one lol by JENNIWOWW on Keek.com

Jan 2, 2013 | #my ass part 2!!! by JENNIWOWW on Keek.com

J Woww says the photo of her ass circulating the internets is “vile” and “disgusting,” and claims that a huge amount of Photoshopping happened in order for her bum to look like … well, like my grandmother’s, if my grandmother wore skanky, too-short sequin dresses and had the bad judgement to bend over while on stage.

After watching the video, do you guys believe that the original photo was, indeed, ‘shopped, or do you think it was definitely her ass, just from a bad angle?

In what can only be described as foreshadowing, J Woww had this to say about her then-upcoming stint as co-host of MTV’s Club NYE 2013:

“[I'm] preparing for a sh–show, basically. I’m trying to find that happy medium of not drunk but drunk… so not too drunk. Not like Snooki wasted but before that. Before my eyes start crossing and I can still read the teleprompter.”

Snooki, the show’s other host, had this to say:

“I’m still trying to get my body back form having a baby so I wanna make sure I have enough sparkle and enough bounce in my hair. I just wanna make sure I look good cause I know hosting with Jenni’s gonna be so much fun. I’m not worried about that but I just wanna make sure I look the part.”

In related news, J Woww is a rabid hose beast who wears dresses that are too short to live. Coincidence? I hardly think so.

Happy, happy New Year, everyone!

For real, though? She’s looking a lot like CZJ circa ‘Mask of Zorro’, and if you don’t believe me, here it is:

Right? Granted, Woww’s face is much puffier and a lot shinier because of fillers than CZJ’s lovely one, but there’s a lot of the same features going on there, and generally speaking, I think this is a winning look for girlfriend (both of them; how hot was Catherine in that movie? Damn).

Also, good ol’ Jenny Loves the Cock is all a-titter over the ring, saying she’s not worthy of it or something. From an exclusive interview with In Touch magazine:

“It’s more than I ever expected,” Jenni, 27, tells In Touch.

Roger, 37, says he spent months planning the proposal and worked with jeweler Layna Friedman to design the ring, with a cushion-cut diamond that’s more than 5 carats surrounded by 2.5 carats of pink and white diamonds in a white-gold setting.

“Roger’s not an average-looking guy, he’s huge: his personality, his size [6'4"]. So I always said, ‘I want my ring like you — big! The bigger the better!’”

And the first person she called to share the good news? Her best friend, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, who will be by her pal’s side as a bridesmaid or maid of honor when she walks down the aisle. “If there’s anyone in this world that wanted me to be engaged more than me,” Jenni says, “it’d be Nicole.”

So many, many things I could say about Jenni’s “the bigger, the better” comment. So many, many things I could say about the “anyone in this world that wanted me to be engaged more than me” comment. Oh good heavens. J Woww’s going to be a Jersey bridezilla with a capital HERPE (and yes, to the smart-ass commenter that, one time, said, “God I hope it’s a typo and you don’t actually believe that ‘herpes’ is a plural form of ‘herpe’, YES I’m using the word—my word—”herpe” again. LOVE YOU GIRL!).

From one daring leap to another, JWOWW’s longtime boyfriend Roger Mathews popped the question to the reality star when they were skydiving, WetPaint Entertainment is exclusively reporting.

“It happened the middle of last week during filming for season two of Snooki & JWOWW,” a production insider exclusively told Wetpaint. “(JWOWW) and Roger went skydiving and jumped out of a plane together. After landing safely, Roger shocked her by getting down on one knee and proposing. Of course, she said yes!”

As for the bling, “It’s beautiful!” said the insider, “and big.”

Just don’t expect to see the bride-to-be wearing her sparkler anytime soon, as the exclusive reveal will be saved for the show.

“The crew took great pains to make sure they weren’t followed by photographers and the footage is being kept tightly under wraps. Everyone will have to wait until Season 2 to see it.”

I’m so glad the “exclusive” “reveal” is going to be “saved” for the show, because that definitely screams “CLASS!” and not “MONEY!” at all. Good for you, J Woww. Can’t wait to see what kind of virginal, blushing bride you make, girl.

Alright. I’m about to reveal some really heavy shit right here, guys, and it kind of goes like this: this show. Well. I guess it actually doesn’t look all that bad. And worse? The trailer kind of makes Snooki and J Woww look like charming, young, all-American girls (let’s just not comment on the “all-American” part, OK?). Somehow, I was able to identify with J Woww with the whole quasi-disappointed “she’s [Snooki] not hoorah-ing,” and I was also able to identify with the confused, surprised, and kind of sad Snooki as she realized that she wasn’t sure what she wanted after hearing that she’s pregnant.

I do resolve, however, not to watch this show (publicly). I also will say that there’s still positively nothing appealing about either one of these young women (except for their soft, sensitive sides that have been magically revealed through their spin-off). Last, I’m going to make a promise to myself, and you guys, that I won’t be talking about this show when it debuts (much).

What did you guys think of the trailer? For the fans, is it everything you hoped for and more? For the haters, did it maybe change your outlook on Snooks and Jenni Farley? Help a sister out here.

In light of President’s Day today (which pissed me off, because my bank was closed, therefore a check I deposited on Saturday did not clear because of it), J wrote up her very own “President I’d Like to F-ck” list. Here they are in no particular order (I guess):

Ulysses S. Grant
Abraham Lincoln
Bill Clinton
George Washington
George W. Bush
Ronald Reagan
Barack Obama
John F. Kennedy

Ulysses S. Grant? Does she even know who he is? Because this is what he looked like in his heyday:

Does she even know what she’s getting into there? And then, of course, you’ve got George Washington, which I suppose would be “hot” if you were into dudes that looked like your grandmother:

Nope. Don’t get that one at all. Sorry, George.

I can understand (though I don’t agree with) Bill Clinton; there’s John F. Kennedy and Ronald Regan and Barack Obama who are definitely traditionally good looking, and I can even see George W – he seems like he’d be a decent lay – but the rest? Abraham Lincoln? Ulysses? Washington? I don’t know what I’m more repulsed by – that she chose these particular men, or the thought of her boning them.

In light of the holiday, who are Presidents that you’d f-ck? Would Ulysses S. Grant and George Washington appear on your list, too?

Snooki: I told her [J Woww] to run for president so that everyone [including same-sex couples] could get married. Because I certainly can’t [run for president.]

JWoww: I was really upset — that’s what I tweeted about. My friend couldn’t get married. He had to get a domestic partnership [at the time] and I was so pissed off about that. I was like, “I want to go to your wedding. You’re going to be my bridesmaid and I’m going to be your bridesmaid…”

Snooki: Is he going to wear a dress?

JWoww: I don’t know. I hope so. [Laughs]

Huff Po: You were both featured in one of MTV’s “Love Is Louder” videos which tackles the issue of bullying. In it you mentioned that you know what it’s like to be discriminated against. What were you referring to?

JWoww: We’re just very stereotyped. [Snooki was] bullied in high school and so was I.

Snooki: Yeah. And I’m probably the top celebrity that gets bullied today. I’m just different and everyone hates me for it.

JWoww: What we do on the show — people say we’re alcoholics. We get discriminated against for drinking. And we’re tan so now we’ve caused these tanning taxes and we’re getting a bad rap for tanning.

Snooki: People just take us too seriously.

HP: What’s the biggest misconception people have about you?

Snooki: That we’re stupid. We’re not stupid. We’re very smart, actually.

JWoww: That really gets under my skin. It’s like you don’t know me to judge me. We’re sorry we’re not walking on the shore with three-piece business suits or evening gowns.

HP: Do you read your own press?

Snooki: We have Google alerts!

HP: So do you take what people write about you seriously? Snooki, when people are writing about the pregnancy rumors, for instance, does it freak you out?

Snooki: No. I just like my name being in the news.

JWoww: She [supposedly] gets pregnant. I have 500 facelifts done — what else [do they write]?

HP: Snooki, things got hot and heavy with Deena [another one of the "Jersey Shore" roommates] last season. Do you consider yourself bisexual?

Snooki: I would consider myself bi. I’ve done stuff with girls before. But I would never be with a girl because I like… penis. But I’ve experimented.

HP: What about Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino? What’s the deal? Gay? Not gay? It wouldn’t shock me. Whenever he brings a girl home something always seems to go awry and they don’t end up hooking up.

Snooki: And he gives them men’s clothing to wear.

JWoww: And his posture and the way he holds his cigarettes… everything. Listen, I know I keep talking about my best friend Joey, but his husband was closeted for 27 years of his life. And I knew him before he came out. So because of that I know… the signs. … I can’t confirm or deny with Mike, but if he was, it would all make sense.

HP: Do you consider yourselves feminists?

JWoww: No.

Snooki: What does “feminist” actually mean?

HP: It can mean a lot of things. But in this context I was thinking about your approach to sex and sexuality and how bold and unashamed you are about it.

Snooki: Then yes.

JWoww: I thought feminism was derogatory in a sense. Have you ever seen “Borat?” … I think we’re more like men because we do show our sexuality and burp and fart.

Snooki: When it comes to sex, I’m definitely a guy. All women are like us. They’re just scared.

HP: Is there anything either of your families have seen on the show that they were upset about? Or do you ever worry while you’re filming? … Is there any kind of filter? There’s no time when you think Oh no, my dad is going to see that?

JWoww: Our parents said the best thing: They were us times ten!

Snooki: My mom was innocent, but my dad was really bad.

HP: Whose career would you love to have?

JWoww: Angelina Jolie. Not the acting — but I’m obsessed with her. I know that she gives half her paycheck to charities but she’s also knee-deep into it. She wants to make a difference. And I think that’s what separates her from a lot of celebrities who just do it all for a write off. She’s just so passionate about it. And I want to be passionate like that when it comes to animals and children. I’ve never experienced what she’s experienced and I keep hearing that if you go to a third world country it’ll change your life. And that’s what I want.

Snooki: I would say Jessica Simpson in terms of her business and her brand. She’s a genius and she’s a business woman and that’s what I want to be. I admire her a lot.

HP: Where do you want to be in 10 years?

Snooki: With four kids, married, with my own spinoff showing my husband and kids and then a big business.

JWoww: You want four? Oh my god — your poor vagina! But I want the same thing — kids and marriage. I hope reality TV is still around in 10 years.

Snooki: It will be. And if it’s not, I’ll just tape myself and put myself on YouTube.

So, OK. Back to the “Are J Woww and Snooki feminists” question. I guess that’d probably depend on your perception of the term “feminism.” To ask someone if they’re a feminist or not only to have them respond, “Uhh … what’s that?” isn’t exactly encouraging. So even though I also equate feminism with empowered women – even if the women feel that they, themselves, are empowered through their bodies or sex or whatever, and I don’t necessarily agree with that personally – then yes, I suppose they could consider themselves “feminist.” But when these two tools don’t know what feminism actually is, or don’t have their own definitions of it, I’m just not all that sure. There was nothing in this article to convince me that these two really are anything more than vapid booze-camels in search of the next big thing to stick in their vagina.

I’m not here to proselytize or judge someone for saying what they think they are – or aren’t – but when you’re Snooki and J Woww and pride yourself on who you “really” are though you contradict yourself by saying “what you see is what you get”, it doesn’t really convince me that you’re really anything more than what you appear to be. You know?

“I cried when I found out. I was jumping up and down and totally bugging out. This is probably my highest accomplishment.”

Hehe, right? Whatever. She is mildly hot. She is. She’s sort of attractive in that dirty, fake, swear-word-saying-in-public-places kind of way, and you’d never actually take her home to mom (or to your friends … or even your acquaintances), but UGH. This photo shoot does girlfriend positively no justice. I mean, her tits are all over the place, and I’m sure that’s what’s really important and not that the lighting makes her face look like something out of Michael Jackson’s House of Wax, but it’s really, really obvious that the photo editors didn’t even take notice that she was making faces in most of the photos like she had a pulmonary embolism.

But alright. I get it. You think she’s hot. She’s definitely seedy. She’d bend over an ashy pool table for you. That’s pretty super. … Just don’t let your friends see, dude. You’d never live it down.

“I read somewhere that Abercrombie & Fitch offered to pay The Situation not to wear their clothes—but who am I to say who should be wearing mine? I do remember someone saying that… what’s Paris Hilton‘s sister called? Isn’t it Nicky or something? Anyway, she apparently talked to someone about my first collection, and was like, ‘I don’t get it.’ I was like, Good! I’m glad she doesn’t get it. It’s not for her. Besides, what’s there to get with clothes? So if Snooki wants to wear my clothes, go for it. I think she’d look a lot better in them.”

—the imperiously icy Chloë Sevigny, who has a new fashion line (via CeleBitchy). No, I know; I promise you’ll have a lot more fun with the quote if you read it to yourself in this voice.

But what is Chloë really trying to say here? Do I detect a barely-veiled attack on Nicky Hilton? Here, let me run that quote through my Mean Girl Translator. Ah, yes: Sevigny said, “I have been obsessed with Nicky Hilton ever since I overheard her complaining about the way I dress. Now I will pretend like I can’t even think of her name. Nicky? I’m sorry, Nicky Who?”

I see, too, that Chloë would be willing to selflessly sacrifice her style credibility if it only meant she could get Snooki out of that awful leopard print. Also, Chloë seems to know an awful lot about the Jersey Shore cast, don’t you think?

What else did Chloë say about Jersey Shore?

“I think it’s really depressing that people are propping these people up as celebrities. The way they behave is embarrassing, and I think it’s kind of diminishing our culture. Most reality TV people behave like pigs, and it’s unfortunate that they get put on pedestals for doing so.”

But! She also said,

“I have to admit, I do find that JWoWW sexy in a really weird way. It’s like that sexy, dirty kind of girl—not dirty, but like a hot mess. We’ve all gotten too drunk and acted crazy at parties, but I don’t maintain that and I’m kind of fascinated by those girls who do.”

Of course! The “Hot Mess” appeal, right. Don’t worry, Chloë, it’s OK to feel conflicted. I actually know exactly how you feel!

For instance, on the wall of my office, I have tacked up a Uniqlo poster* of Chloë—oh, what is she called? Chloë Sevigny or something? Yeah, her. I can’t explain it, but she is bizarrely magnetic. She acts like a total space alien. And I mean, I don’t maintain that, but I’m kind of fascinated by girls who do.

*I am really not kidding. She is posing fiercely with a comparatively complacent Tadanobu Asano, and something about the whole thing really tickles me. Oh, Chloë! So yeah, it’s very much on the wall in the other room.

A: In a word? NO.

But the Jersey Shore bitches are trying really, really hard in their shoot for YRB, which stars like Paris Hilton and Khloe Kardashian have graced the cover of. Yes indeedy, they’re truly giving it the old college try, whatever the eff that means.

Don’t get me wrong: they all look good. All of them, seriously. Even the trollish one who normally makes Snooki look like a frigging tall, willowy beauty pageant winner. It’s amazing, really.

Anyway. I’m going to leave this one up to you guys – the Jersey Shore gals: can you dress ‘em up and make them OK to look at for a few minutes without breaking out into hives and herpes-by-osmosis?

Photos courtesy of TooFab

I just told you the other day that Jwoww’s scuzzy ex-boyfriend is suing her for past due “management fees.” Now we’re learning that his claim that she never paid him was issued only after her lawyers sent him a letter demanding that he hand over nude photos of the reality star that were in his position.

Thomas Lippolis, the asshole in question, supposedly has some seriously compromising photos of Jwoww that could potentially ruin her existing contract with MTV. Basically, this girl is getting screwed over by a broke dude who wants a piece of her money and doesn’t mind threatening to sexually exploit her to do so.

I’m not gonna lie, I feel badly for little Jenni Farley. I really do. I think my first instinct is to be all like, “How can you be so freakin’ stupid, Jwoww?” like I did the other day, but I can’t really blame a person for accidentally falling in love with some monster and giving him a nudie pic. I think it was ridiculous for her to be so casual about who she had running her business for her, but no one signs up to be exploited.