JC Chasez proved himself a hero on New Year’s Day on a Miami beach when he saved the life of a 1-year-old girl after a helicopter flying too close to the ground sent an umbrella flying across the sand.

Those in the line of fire included little Shirel, her mother, Netali Nissim, and their family.

“Shirel is safe because of him,” Nissim, an Italian jeweler, told PEOPLE through her rep. “I want to tell him thank you from the bottom of my heart. If it had not been for him, my daughter could have been seriously hurt.”

According to the New York Post, which first reported the incident, the former ‘N Sync star, 35, and his girlfriend Nicole were on the beach adjacent to the Fontainebleau when the chopper started kicking up the winds. Acting quickly, Chasez was able to grasp the umbrella before it struck the child.

You know, no joke, those damn umbrellas can be a serious hazard on the beach. People never screw them into the sand the right way (myself included; what, did you think I possessed f-cking superhero, stake-driving strength along with this scathing wit?), and when the first strong gale of wind flies, those things turn into whirling, swirling projectiles that can seriously damage some stuff. Like others’ umbrellas, for example. I live at the beach, and do you have any ideas how many times I’ve had to buy replacement umbrellas over the past few years because someone had the same problem as me and couldn’t screw theirs into fluffy, easily-yielding sand?

I’ve had umbrellas fly at me (tuck and roll, bitches!), fly at my cooler and spill my lunch in the sand, fly at my umbrella, ripping the fabric and rendering it positively useless, and I’ll tell you – there’s just nothing scarier than seeing someone’s umbrella hurtling at you ass over kettle across the sand, watching it impale yours like it was its sole intention to begin with, and then see two of the bastards hurtling over the sand ass over kettle, looking for another umbrella to make a veritable trio of deadly, flying, projectiles bent on destroying everyone’s leisurely day at the beach.

These aren’t Mary Poppin’s umbrellas, you guys.

Were you also looking forward to meeting a unicorn someday or perhaps having Edward Cullen fall in love with you? Because, according to JC, each of those things are just as likely as witnessing an NSYNC reunion. Which is to say that we will never witness an NSYNC reunion.

I know that it’s a little early to have your dreams crushed, but, just to drive the point home, here’s the news straight from the heartthrob‘s mouth:

Is anyone else as devastated as I am?

Remember this blind item? In case you don’t, I’ll reprint it here:

Which still-closeted former boy-bander was making sure nobody got pictures of him with his handsome Spanish escort at a recent European charity event?

Evil T speculated that this referred to J.C. Chasez.

At the top of this post, you’ll find a picture of J.C. Chasez at the Life Ball charity event in Vienna, Austria on May 25.

Just sayin’.

Red-carpet photos from the U.S. premiere of Music & Lyrics, starring Drew Barrymore and Hugh Grant. [Film.com]

I bet JC Chasez could give Clay Aiken some ideas about how to use an oversized turnip. [Celebslam]

Vogue‘s Anna Wintour: “You want a fat girl on the cover of my magazine? Fine. Fine. But she is not going to look good.” [DListed]

Pete Wentz makes out with boys. [POTP]

Ivanka Trump reminds us that she is nothing like Paris Hilton. Which is true, because Paris Hilton doesn’t need to name-drop Ivanka Trump in order to get people writing about her. [A Socialite's Life]

You don’t need photographic evidence to assure yourself that Britney’s a dirty whore. But, admit it, you want it anyway. [Cele|bitchy]