Anyone else think this late night shuffle over at NBC is a bunch of bullshit? I was so pumped when they moved Conan from the later spot and Leno stepped down and went to an earlier time slot. It was like the perfect line up. Everyone who likes Jay Leno is asleep by the time Conan comes on, and then us adults can sit around and laugh at the Masturbating Bear.

Well, as we all know by now, that plan didn’t really work out and now Jay Leno’s show is going to be bumped up an extra half hour. Now NBC has told Conan that he has to choose: start his show at 12:05 (which wouldn’t make it “The Tonight Show”, now would it?) or, ya know, get lost. Conan chose the unknown third option: Kill time by making fun of the network and figure out what to do later.

If anyone has had a chance to catch Conan’s last couple monologues, you’ve really been treating yourselves. Both last night and last Friday have been exceptionally hilarious, as it always is when a host turns on a group that they are supposed to support/used to support (remember all those awesome jokes during the Writer’s Strike a couple years ago? Late Night Writer’s Strike jokes are my favorite still.) If you missed the monologue, I got a transcription of the best jokes for yo’ ass. I just wish I could come to all of your offices and read ‘em for you in my Conan voice:

As I mentioned, NBC is shaking up its late night lineup yet again. They want to move Jay Leno back to 11:35. And there are a lot of rumors about what I’m going to do.

I’ve got a lot of options. I thought I’d share some of them with you right now..

I could…

• Host the Tonight Show at 12:05
• Star in a Lifetime original movie about a woman trapped in an abusive relationship with her network.
• Go to ABC and star in a male redhead version of ‘Cougartown’ called ‘Redwolf Village’.
• Host a show on B.E.T. called ‘White All Night’.
• Move to FOX and follow their hit “24″ with a new show called “24:05.”
• Televise my own colonoscopy on the Bravo Channel in a show called ‘Project Funway’.
• Convince NBC to let me keep this time slot if I can gain 10 pounds of chin.
• Andy and I will become a team of wacky morning DJ’s called ‘Big Red And The Booger’.
• Pretend to put my son in a giant foil balloon, then sit back and watch the offers come pouring in!
• Perform the show live every night from Zanies Comedy Club at 7:30 and 9:30. (1/2 price drinks if you tell ‘em “Coco” sent ya!)
• Bring sanity back to NBC by hiring Gary Busey as head of programming.
• Leave television altogether and work in a classier business with better people, like hard core porn.

I know that Conan’s not always the popular choice (when you’re up against Letterman, how are you supposed to win? He’s like America’s dad with less fidelity issues), but I feel like I’ve grown up watching his work and it would completely suck to see him go out like that. Any other Conan lovers out there?

After weeks of rumors surrounding Jay Leno & Conan O’Brien’s futures in late night television, NBC has confirmed that the Jay Leno Show is being canceled. The last show will air on February 12th.

But wait… there’s a catch. When they say ‘canceled’ what they really mean is that the show is being renamed and pushed back an hour and a half… into Conan’s time slot.

[NBC Chairman] Gaspin says NBC wants Leno to do an 11:35 p.m. show each night, a return to his old time slot. He wants Conan O’Brien and Jimmy Fallon’s shows to shift back a half hour. Gaspin says that’s not a done deal, but he hopes to have NBC’s late-night lineup cleared up by the beginning of the [winter] Olympics. Gaspin said Leno’s show performed well enough in the ratings for the networks, but it did not meet the needs of NBC’s affiliates.

So what they’re really doing is trying to get Leno back on The Tonight Show (and dicking over Conan O’Brien in the process) but they’re spinning it as a failure on Leno’s part– saying that his show is being “canceled” when they really just want to move him back to the 11:30 time slot.

Shits.

So, like, this is pretty fucked up. TMZ is reporting — and no one’s denying — that, after the Olympics, NBC will return their coveted 11:30pm time slot to Jay Leno, essentially giving Conan O’Brien the boot.

Sources say that Conan’s been given a choice: he can leave the network or he can take the midnight-1am time slot. Those sources also say that NBC will not stop Conan from jumping to another network, although legally they have that option.

Conan is rumored to be pissed, as he found out about this decision not much before the rest of the world did. Um, yeah. I would be pissed, too.

I’ve got no idea what NBC’s thinking was behind this move, but it’s pretty dirty to treat your high-profile talent this way. Then again, it wouldn’t be the ugliest thing that’s happened in Hollywood. It’s all business, right?

Today has been sssslllllloooooowwww as hell and I’ve been digging around trying to find you guys little nuggets of awesome all morning. There’s been pretty much nothing, unless you count a behind the scenes video from People Magazine‘s photoshoot with the Kardashian sisters, and I’m pretty sure you don’t. Then, my girl Kate Gosselin came and saved me with this clip of her appearance on last night’s episode of The Jay Leno Show.

With her divorce being finalized yesterday, Kate was a hot guest to have on. Of course, Jay asked her what her life was like now that she was divorced and she said “I’m a wild woman!” She then goes on to talk about how she likes the coffee from McDonald’s and does a pretty OK job trying to list as many shows that take place in a hospital in 10 seconds as possible. She got mad points from me when the second show out of her mouth was Doogie Howser, M.D. and not ER or something more obvious. That Kate, she can think outside the box.

Chelsea Handler was on Leno — she mentioned that her father found her to be very sexual and I’m wondering if she was raised by Mitch Winehouse — last night and playing coy.  I love these “talents” that have no problem posing for a snatcherfold but then balk at the reveal.  Please.  Leno had Handler’s December Playboy cover hugely enlarged and hung.  ”Hugely enlarged and hung.”  Didn’t that sound dirty?  Anyway, Chelsea was all like, “Noooooo, nooooo!  I don’t want to see it for the first time on your show.”  Whatever, Chels.  Your twat is public property now.  Public pubes.

Jay is obviously trying to be edgy instead of all Wonder Bread these days and I admit it was the first time he’s made me laugh … ever.  It wasn’t a laugh, even.  A smirk.  It’s the first time he’s ever made me smirk.

I tuned in last night, along with more than 10 million other people, to check out Leno’s new late-night talk show that doesn’t air late-night.  It feels different to have that program format airing before the 11 o’clock news and I wanted to see how it would translate.  I’m lying — I wanted to see what Kanye had to say.  And, you know, I had a tough day yesterday.  I not only had to compliment Beyonce, I had to write about Oprah twice and watch her show yesterday.  I was really looking forward to just chilling out and escaping the stress of my day.  I never expected that Oprah’s huge cranium would be looming before me in a matter of moments, but it was.  I can’t escape that bitch.

Here’s the thing:  I was never a Leno follower, but his “new” show looks and feels almost exactly like his old show.  Jokes?  Still not funny.  Set?  Circa 1989.  Desk?  Gone.  Headlines?  At the end of the show. Don’t believe me?  You can watch the entire episode above.  Adrienne Curry Tweeted that she thought the Obama interview skit was “brilliant”.  Brilliant!

Basically, Leno just wasn’t ready to give up his show so they moved it to 10 o’clock, shuffled some furniture around, and called it “new”.  It makes me wonder — how pissed do you think Conan is?  He waited all those years for Leno to vacate the 11:30 spot as was the agreement, and now he’s still standing in the shadow of Jay Leno’s chin.

The success or failure of this show can never be determined on a premiere night.  People are curious, so they’ll watch for now.  The success of Leno won’t be known until the honeymoon is over.