Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Janie Liszewski

Not That Anyone Cares

But Eddie Van Halen is engaged.

Eddie Van Halen is engaged to his girlfriend/manager Janie Liszewski, PEOPLE has learned.

Van Halen, 53, proposed to Liszewski, 38, on Aug. 4 while they were vacationing in Hawaii. The rock guitarist dropped to one knee and popped the question in a private room at Tiffany’s, a source close to the couple tells PEOPLE.

The couple plan to wed next June.

“They are happy, healthy, very much in love and looking forward to living life together forever,” says the source. “They are devoted to each other and to experiencing life in a whole new, positive and passionate way.”

Yeah, that’s right, he got engaged on August 4, and People magazine just got around to caring. To his credit, he didn’t issue a press release or anything, but also, like, it’s kind of tragic to be at the level of has-beenness where the media cares enough to report on your engagement, but doesn’t learn of it until two months after it happened. It’s like being in that stage of a relationship where you hate each other and you never have sex and you’re secretly emailing your ex-boyfriend but you’re not quite ready to cheat and you’re not quite ready to be single and it’s just like ARGH. It’s way shittier than either being in a killer relationship or being completely single. Eddie Van Halen’s fame is in that place right now.