In case you missed the memo, James Franco is a Very Serious Artist, Academic and All-Around Sophisticated Guy. What a catch! You’d think he would be pretty pleased with being such an evolved, accomplished human being, but you’d be wrong because it’s actually super tiring to be so amazing.

Cry us a river, James (from Marie Claire, via DigitalSpy):

“I love the academic world but I also like being silly. When a serious image becomes a part of your life, it [is] draining.

“I guess it comes from wanting people to like you. I don’t know [if I'm liked]. I’ve been involved in projects that people enjoyed, and I’m grateful. But now I feel free to do projects for more artistic reasons.”

I don’t think anyone is assuming that academics lack a sense of humour or that you can’t have both a serious and playful side. If that’s what James Franco thinks, perhaps he’s been smoking a bit too much of the good stuff and the complexity of human personality is lost on him. Also, who in the hell views James Franco as a super serious artist? Anyone? Thought not. Looks like he believes the hype he has tried desperate to create about himself. After all, this is the guy who wore cornrows and simulated oral sex on a gun in Spring Breakers. Not exactly Matisse, is he?

We all remember when James Franco and Anne Hathaway hosted the Oscars. It’s not the ceremony we remember so much as the intense backlash the pair received following their performance, which was, shall we say, less than stellar. James was stoned the whole time and Anne was, well, Anne. When all was said and done, things were left less than friendly between them – though they’ve since made up. Still, this story is not yet over.

In an interview with Howard Stern (via US Weekly), James admitted that he can see why some people find Anne a bit hard to warm to, and he kind of doesn’t blame them:

“I’m happy to revisit this, but you’re going to have to take the lead,” Franco, 34, warned Stern. “If you’re going to talk about it, you’re going to have to give your opinions . . . She does not want me talking about this, but okay.”

“Everyone sort of hates Anne Hathaway, and I’ve explained that I do too and I don’t know even know why sometimes,” Stern explained. “She’s just so affected [and] actress-y that even when she wins an award she’s out of breath, and then she has the standard joke that sounds like it’s [been] written [for her]. And it all seems so scripted and acted.”

“She comes off like the goody two-shoes actress and it’s just fun to sort of hate her,” the radio host added. “Hate is a strong word . . . but [I] dislike her, even though she is a great actress. Is that accurate?”

“I’m not an expert on — I guess they’re called ‘Hatha-haters’– but I think that’s what maybe triggers it,” Franco agreed.

“Are you still friendly with her?” Stern asked.

“We haven’t talked in a while,” the Oz the Great and Powerful actor admitted of his relationship with the now Oscar-winning actress. But he later added, “Anne and I made up, by the way. Let’s just get that on the record.”

“It was a really hard time after the Oscars,” Franco added. “She wasn’t mad at me, I don’t think . . . she didn’t say she was mad at me for what happened . . . The critics were so nasty.”

You can bet your balls she was mad at you, Franco. You ruined her big night!! It was Anne Hathaway’s special evening to dress up pretty and be a superstar and you robbed her of the experience! How very dare you.

Actor, pot smoker, wannabe BJ-giver and all-around intellectual James Franco bought a great little house in the Los Angeles neighborhood of Silver Lake a while back (from one of the costume designers on Mad Men, oddly), and while the people who lived next door were initially psyched about the star moving in, they’ve now written an “anonymous” (we see you!) letter to Curbed LA about how he’s not only never there, but he’s also letting his staff turn the place into a full-blown production studio.

From Curbed LA:

At first, my partner and I were pleased to have Mr. Franco living next door. His work in ‘Milk’ and his academic pursuits made us happy he was on our street. That is no longer the case.If, in fact, Mr. Franco has purchased the house next door, it does not appear to be inhabited by the actor; it does appear to be inhabited by several people who are working for him. In addition, over the course of the last weeks the individuals living on the property appear to be running a MAJOR production company out of the house and have also used it for shoots. To be fair, they did provide us with notice for one shoot. Unfortunately, the occasional film shoot comes with living in Los Angeles.

But this appears to be way more than just a film shoot: The property has become a production house. In fact, Iris, who works for the actor informed me that they are running production from the house. Iris is the same individual who, when we complained to her a few weeks ago about constantly blocking our driveway said, “Have you guys met James?” Yeah, that’s not going to make it better.Large white production trucks and various other vehicles block our driveway and use it as a loading zone and block our street with such regularity that we have begun calling parking enforcement to have them ticketed; racks of costumes come and go; crowds of people constantly stream in and out of the house and have business meetings in front of OUR house and treat us as if we are eavesdropping sycophants when we walk out our gate to our car; and as I write this, they’ve set up hair and make-up in their driveway. When I asked Iris about this, Iris basically informed me they could do whatever they want on their property. Really? Running a production of such impact and magnitude in a residential area doesn’t violate any zoning restrictions? Are there no limits to the kinds of businesses one can run?

We like James Franco and we like some of his movies, but we’re not so enamored of his presence that we are willing to give up our sanity in our own home.

Note to the neighbor – it’s a little passive aggressive to write a note to a website instead of going over to the house and attempting to talk to the people there about it and contacting the proper authorities if they’re not willing to compromise and/or show common courtesy moving forward.

Second of all, the house is kind of a dump (at least on the outside) so I’m not sure what kind of productions are happening there (please let it be gay porn, please let it be gay porn), but whatever. You can’t be running shoots late into the night if it means the whole neighborhood is lit up but if they’re doing this in their own house and aren’t bothering anyone, what’s the harm?

James Franco is going to be in his first Broadway show. He’s going to play George in Of Mice And Men. Uh. Really? I’m surprised. I can see him more in a Mamet kind of thing. Or something more modern. And George isn’t even the standout role in that one. It’s all about Lennie. (“Tell me about the rabbits, George.”) Oh damn, my theater nerd is creeping out.

It’s all in the very early stages and no premiere date is set. According to Broadway.com they don’t even know who the costars will be yet.

There’s some good stuff happening in theater for TV and film celebs. Jane Lynch is going to play Miss Hannigan in Annie on Broadway, Mean Girls is becoming a Broadway musical, Emilia Clarke is naked for two seconds in a Broadway show to the delight of cultured theater perverts, and Tom Hanks is going to be in his first ever Broadway show in the spring. So, fun times if you’re into that. And have enough money and/or strings to pull to get a seat.

From Attitude (via Metro):

The straight heartthrob insists he’s accepted the question mark over his sexuality, which wasn’t helped when he volunteered to perform oral sex on a bloke in his 2011 flick The Broken Tower.

‘One of the things that’s very much part of my public image is the question of my sexuality,’ the 34-year-old conceeded, ‘it’s not something that bothers me in the slightest. It hasn’t gone away and I get asked about it from all sides. It’s partly my doing and partly not my doing.’

While the 127 Hours star insists he’s comfortable with his sexuality, he reckons it’s high time big name Hollywood stars come out despite fears gay stars can’t win straight roles.

‘I think that the people I have known who are performers who haven’t publicly come out didn’t because they’re afraid it’ll hurt their careers. And they’re afraid they won’t be able to play straight roles anymore,’ said Franco.

Methinks the lady doth protest too much, if you get my drift. Like, no man who wishes he could give a real life blowjob (and does it at every opportunity on inanimate objects)  can sit there and say he’s straight. Unfortunately, shit like this still matters to some people. I say the more the merrier – like what you like, suck what you want to suck and everyone just be happy. Just shut up about it already.

Oz the Great and Powerful is probably going to be really good in a way that’s completely disconnected from the original Wizard of Oz and that’s okay. I mean, come on – admitted professional deep-throater James Franco as the Wizard? Michelle Williams, Mila Kunis and Rachel Weisz? I’m going to see it (or download it), for sure.

One thing that will definitely not be great about it is that Mariah Carey is doing the theme song. It’s a new track called ‘Almost Home’ that sounds like a demo she would have recorded in 1987 before getting a deal and a decent producer. While the full thing won’t be out until tomorrow, you can listen to a 30 second preview below:

I hesitate to do this write-up during daylight hours (or, you know, at all), but James Franco has thrown his common sense into the great beyond and given an interview to Details in which he discusses his talent for deep-throating and his disappointment at not having been brave enough to suck on the real thing in The Broken Tower. I’m sorry, okay? There’s literally no way I can do this story without sounding – or feeling – a bit sleazy… and like vomiting in my mouth. Stoner, poet, method actor… is there anything he won’t do?

Take it away, James:

In the first of several three-ways, Franco performs some very impressive deep throat on two of his character’s pistols after the girls turn the tables on him and shove them in his mouth.

“Most people can’t get past that gag reflex at the back of the throat,” I say.

“Guess I’m a natural,” he says with a laugh. “It was my first time.”

“So that wasn’t you in Broken Tower?”

“Oh shit, you’re right!” Franco’s eyes light up. “It wasn’t my first time.”

“You’re known for going the extra mile, but that was, what, a good eight inches?”

He gives me a get-real look. “That was a dildo.” Then he turns that look back on himself, and I see the real James Franco: “If I’d had the guts, it woulda been real.”

First of all, we’re a big supporter of all things LGBTQ here at Evil Beet, so no one’s going to hate on James Franco for what he wants to do behind closed doors. I just think this is so bizarre. So, James Franco is more than a little bi-curious – who cares? Besides, I’m sure he’d have no problem finding a nice bro to take him out and show him a good time. I’m just not sure what this exchange means, why it was said or how I’m going to get my eyebrow to go back down to its regular place rather than risen halfway up my forehead.

At this point, I think it’s safe to say that James Franco is better than all of us. And I say that without any resentment. It’s just the truth. James Franco is a beautiful, talented soul, and we might as well be made of shit. Truth!

But did you know that James Franco is also better than all other celebrities, and basically every other person working in Hollywood? Specifically, he’s better than everyone who worked on the latest Spiderman movie.

Here’s what he had to say about it:

“Eh,” Franco told MTV with his signature smirk and a shrug. “I mean, they could have strayed a little bit more from the original. It’s like, ‘Why?’ Well, I guess they made a lot of money. Congrats. But good for them…Sam and I moved on, we made Oz.”

See? He was in three Spiderman movies, and one video game, but the difference is that he was in the original. He was in the ORIGINAL Spiderman. The movie that he was in with Tobey Maguire was just so creative, so cutting edge! Like, some regular guy was just being regular, but then he develops all these super powers after getting bitten by some weird spider! How did they even come up with that? SO original.

And I love that last little zinger James Franco made: he moved on to make another astoundingly original movie about some wizard in some magical place called Oz! Flying monkeys, even! Where do they come up with this stuff?!

In high school these girls got mad at me and so they spread this rumor that I was having a gay relationship with one of my closest friends. And they even made up a little dance they would do in the girl’s locker room about me being gay. I still don’t know what the dance was. … It wasn’t something that frightened me, like if people think that, it’s fine. I really don’t care.

—James Franco in an interview with MTV News regarding speculation on his genital orientation.

I guess the only thing that I have to say about his statement is that any grown-ass man who impersonates Justin Bieber definitely has some … I don’t know, “effeminate tendencies.” “Effeminate tendencies” would probably be the best way of putting it. But hey! Points for being real, James Franco. Mad points.

I need you all to stop what you’re doing, right this very second. Stop listening to music. If you have the TV on in the background, turn it off. If you’re at work or otherwise in public, tell everyone to be very quiet. You need to concentrate on a work of brilliance.

James Franco wrote a poem about President Obama titled “Obama in Asheville.” I can’t really describe it, but I’m going to go ahead and show you my favorite stanza:

I met Obama once, in D.C., the Correspondents’ Dinner.
I was the guest of Vanity Fair, guided through D.C. by the wife
Of Christopher Hitchens, when he was alive. We went to Hitch’s place,
He had books from floor to ceiling, and said he had read

To Borges, when he was blind, Old Icelandic Eddas—
Then we waited in a private room with the likes of Tom Cruise,
And Katie Holmes, and Claire Danes. When Obama entered
The crowd converged. Finally, I got to shake his hand,

He knew me from Spider-Man. I asked him for advice,
I was scheduled to give the commencement speech at UCLA
And there were some undergraduate knockers against me;
He had been denied the usual honorary degree by Arizona State

Because he hadn’t accomplished enough, so I wondered
How he dealt with detractors. He smiled his smile and said,
“Humor.” Well he’s damn right, and I wonder how much
That stand-up comedian is laughing in the face

Of this big country. Because he is one man and we are many,
And a great servant of the people—he’s a president, not a king—
And doesn’t need to face what King Charles once faced.

No, seriously, that’s what the whole thing is like. He’s absolutely insufferable, I can’t even believe it. He makes me want to bake my head in the oven. He makes me want to watch Freaks and Geeks and try to figure out how we got here. I kind of can’t stand him, but I love how hard I can’t stand him. Does that make sense?

But look, you have to read the whole thing, ok? Promise? Here it is.

Asheville, North Carolina, is the birthplace of Thomas
Wolfe and the sometime residence of F. Scott Fitzgerald
When he visited Zelda at her institution;
He stayed at the Grove Park Inn, a grand stone edifice.

On the phone once, Cormac McCarthy lamented
The two added wings and the spa, and marveled
At the original structure, They pulled the stones
From the mountains and brought them down on mules.

Soon after his fortieth birthday, Fitzgerald attempted suicide
Here, but couldn’t shoot his own head, drunk, I guess.
Later, after he was actually dead, from alcohol,
Zelda perished in a fire at her institution, one of nine.

*

Asheville is the place where the Black Mountain College once stood
And helped birth Rauschenberg, Twombly and Johns,
Cage and Cunningham; now I think it’s a Young Men’s Christian Association.
On the wall of the Grove Park, they have pictures of the famous guests;

I’m not up there, but Obama is. I was asked to write something
For the inauguration of his second term, but what could I write?
I was in Asheville, studying writing, but not the political sort;
I write confessions and characters, and that sort of thing.

I wrote my friend Frank about what I could do, but he was unresponsive.
I went to class and then the little burrito place where they know me,
And finally at night I got Frank’s email on my phone and pulled over
On the side of Warren Wilson Road, past the school barn with the WWC –

That I couldn’t see in the dark — right before the school entrance;
A little spot where there’s a path that leads to a lake called Snake Lake.
First I called my class at UCLA, and told them to watch Apocalypse Now,
And that it used Heart of Darkness as a model, and that we’d watch

Eleanor Coppola’s Hearts of Darkness, the making-of, the following week.
Then I read Frank’s note. He said he was sleeping twenty hours a day,
With no symptoms except that he desired sleep
And just a little more sleep. He’s in his seventies.

Then he said that my poem was a difficult task.
How to write about a man written about endlessly;
A man whom everyone has some sort of experience of;
How to write so that it’s not just for the converted.

*

I met Obama once, in D.C., the Correspondents’ Dinner.
I was the guest of Vanity Fair, guided through D.C. by the wife
Of Christopher Hitchens, when he was alive. We went to Hitch’s place,
He had books from floor to ceiling, and said he had read

To Borges, when he was blind, Old Icelandic Eddas—
Then we waited in a private room with the likes of Tom Cruise,
And Katie Holmes, and Claire Danes. When Obama entered
The crowd converged. Finally, I got to shake his hand,

He knew me from Spider-Man. I asked him for advice,
I was scheduled to give the commencement speech at UCLA
And there were some undergraduate knockers against me;
He had been denied the usual honorary degree by Arizona State

Because he hadn’t accomplished enough, so I wondered
How he dealt with detractors. He smiled his smile and said,
“Humor.” Well he’s damn right, and I wonder how much
That stand-up comedian is laughing in the face

Of this big country. Because he is one man and we are many,
And a great servant of the people—he’s a president, not a king—
And doesn’t need to face what King Charles once faced.
(Frank suggested I examine Marvell’s semi-inauguration poem for Cromwell:)

That thence the Royal actor borne
The tragic scaffold might adorn:
While round the armèd bands
Did clap their bloody hands.
That most famous stanza, and then:

But bow’d his comely head
Down, as upon a bed.
And he was beheaded, good-bye Charles.

*

If I were to act in the film about Obama,
All I would need to get down, aside from the outer stuff—
And I know that’s important—is his essential kindness,
I’d let the writer put in all the political crap,

And the specific things that he was up against,
All that stuff on CNN and the Huffington Post,
And I’d say the lines that were written, just like Obama
Reads his lines, but what would really put the role over

Would be the goodness at its core.
That’s what will be remembered.
Yes, his race, no one will forget. But the soul too.
I’d win the Academy Award if I just captured that.

Priceless.

Is it possible that Selena Gomez is going to be an actress? I know that she’s an “actress,” but an actress? A Real Actress? I mean, if I can completely block out the Tweener thing she had/has going on, and the fact that she deflowered Justin Bieber probably, I can see it. Maybe.

As for James Franco, he sure is versatile, isn’t he? I mean, ripping Kevin Federline off so eloquently? That’s what that was supposed to be, right?

And hey. It’s coming out right around Spring Break, and that’s so appropriate.

There aren’t even enough words to talk about this video in the manner in which it deserves, so I’m just going to leave it right here for you and allow James Franco and Ashley Benson (his GIRLFRIEND, in case you didn’t know!) entertain the crap out of you. Have at it!