So Jaime Pressly was thrown on lockdown the night of the People’s Choice Awards for blowing what was rumored as twice the legal limit in California (and guys? That’s a fucking lot.) and here is her glorious, glorious mugshot.

See kids, allow this to be a lesson: this is what happens to celebrities on their way out – I mean, come on. My Name is Earl has been over for ages. Girlfriend was probably so ripped up over being snubbed at the awards show again this year that she got in the car with a bottle of Jack and and a bottle of Banker’s Club vodka and said, ‘Fuck all of you … I’ll make this night about me no matter how much shitty liquor I need to suck back and embarrass myself with.’

It was too bad, though, that she forgot to pretty up before getting pulled over – jaundice-colored blonde hair, greasy roots, and eye bags the size of her implants? Ugh. She totally could have done better.

If nothing else was, at least her eyebrows were a win.

Jaime Pressly took to Twitter — does anyone think Twitter has basically eliminated the need for publicists? — to set the record straight on her public peeing incident.  Sure, bathroom lines can get long at The Abbey, but Pressly wasn’t that desperate. ”Yes….that is me doing dare #8 at my bridal shower..Things are not always what they seem.. Notice my hand in the back..its pouring a bottle of water!!! C’mon guys! Do you think i would really pee in the entry way to the Abbey in broad DAYLIGHT!!!  Way to spin a story!! Breaking news huh? wow!!!!”

So, what do you think?  Is she just making up an excuse and trying to hide the truth behind a wall of exclamation points or is she telling the truth?  I think Perez got this “exclusive” wrong, but he maintains that Pressly is lying.  Above is the video he uses as proof of her public peeing.

Normally I would rather squat down on Robertson Blvd and pee in the middle of the day than use a photo stamped with Perez Hilton’s logo, but in this case I’m making an exception. Jaime Pressly squatted down on Robertson Blvd and peed in the middle of the day after drinking heavily at gay hot-spot The Abbey on Sunday. Yes, people got pictures. One is above.

Let me say something about this that perhaps Perez Hilton doesn’t know — the women’s bathroom at The Abbey is a fucking joke. There are, as I recall, two or maybe three stalls, and you can never get into any of them because girls lock themselves in there for thirty minutes at a time to do lines, and as soon as a stall opens up, the girls who actually work there get priority to use it. Honestly, the women’s bathroom line at The Abbey is usually 20 people long and it doesn’t move. So, in that regard, I understand why she’s peeing on the street. Still. There are plenty of nearby bars and restaurants where she could have gone, especially during the day when everything’s open. This woman has a child. Next time, drink a little less, James.

There is something really wrong in this world.  No, it’s not just the fact that My Name Is Earl star Jaime Pressly has critical, misplaced and altogether missing vowels in her name.  She has a fucking book that was just released.  I.  Kid.  You.  Not.  So, I hear this news and think she must have some juicy or tragic life story that I don’t know about that would warrant the need for her to be penning her memoirs.  I surfed over to Amazon to read the synopsis:

America knows Jaime Pressly as Joy Turner, the feisty cheatin’ ex-wife of Earl Hickey on the NBC hit show My Name Is Earl. Like her character, the Emmy Award-winning actress is, at heart, a smart, vibrant, small-town Southern girl. In this humorous and honest book, she recalls her journey from Kinston, North Carolina, to Hollywood, California, to motherhood, and the fortitude it took to make her dreams come true, including separating from her troubled past, overcoming her own bad choices, and dealing with success when it finally came her way.

Pressly speaks openly of her extremely colorful family and of her growing understanding of how their lives have been shaped by larger forces, including prejudice, power, privilege, love, loss, and longing. She shares how the lessons she learned from their lives impacted her own journey and helped her succeed where so many others have failed.

Inspiring, heart-wrenching, and laugh-out-loud funny, It’s Not Necessarily Not the Truth offers a slice of American life sure to touch the hearts of readers everywhere.

Am I on Candid Camera right now?  Am I being Punk’d?  Because, based on this summary, Jaime Pressly’s “story” is basically the story of every human being that has ever lived.

This has inspired me to write my own autobiography including chapters such as Mastery of The Perfect Grilled Cheese Sandwich and How My Life Changed Forever Once I Learned How To Wax My Own Eyebrows.  Literary agents may forward their bids through my site.

and you may be startled too when you see the front of this dress.  It’s unfortunate. 

Last night was the St. Jude’s 5th Annual Runway for Life Benefit held at the Beverly Hills Hilton.  Hilary and Haylie Duff participated yet I still question Haylie’s fame.  It’s kind of like Ali Lohan…do you just need to be a star sib to be famous?  Selena Gomez showed that sixteen doesn’t look at all like it used to and Jaime Pressly stood in front of food she’ll never eat.  Jason Alexander had white powder on his lapel and Victor Garber continues to embrace the t-shirt and suit coat combination.  Jennifer Westfeldt and her man Jon Hamm acted sophisticated by putting their drinks on the floor before being photographed and Cybill Shepherd wore some distracting and ill-fitted pants.  Dick Van Dyke looked more alert than he ever did on Diagnosis Murder and it appears that Marlo Thomas got one of those wind tunnel makeovers.  Valerie Bertinelli?  She just looked fantastic!  Oh…and Daisy Fuentes attended.  Eh.