Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Jackie Chan

What is Jackie Chan Doing to Amber Valletta?

This incredibly awkward moment happened yesterday at the premiere of The Spy Next Door. I don’t want to get into the cinematic pedigree of the film. I just want to know what the heck Jackie Chan is doing to Amber Valletta?

Is he:

- Teaching her self defense; specifically, how to escape from a bear-hug rape attack

- Demonstrating the Heimlich maneuver

-Trying to pick her up

- Flirting… awkwardly

- Wrasslin’

-Trying to look congenial with his costar in front of the photogs… and failing miserably

- Falcon Punch

The Spy Next Door hits theaters January 15th.

Jackie Chan Thinks Chinese People Need to Be Controlled

Jackie Chan Does His Best Nixon

In case you didn’t know, Jackie Chan is Chinese. He was born in British Hong Kong, but lives in China, which is a Communist country, and often makes speeches to crowds of Chinese people who are either Communists or pretending to support Communism so they don’t get thrown in jail.

I feel the need to point out these very obvious facts because the American media is highly publicizing some comments the action star made during a speech at a forum in Hainan province this weekend.

“I’m not sure if it’s good to have freedom or not,” Chan said. “I’m really confused now. If you’re too free, you’re like the way Hong Kong is now. It’s very chaotic. Taiwan is also chaotic.”

Chan added: “I’m gradually beginning to feel that we Chinese need to be controlled. If we’re not being controlled, we’ll just do what we want.”

While many people might find those comments disappointing, they shouldn’t find them shocking. Living in China means that you just might possibly believe in Communism, or at least have to act like you believe in it.

What I really found surprising were his comments about the quality of Chinese goods:

The action hero complained that Chinese goods still have too many quality problems. He became emotional when discussing contaminated milk powder that sickened tens of thousands of Chinese babies in the past year.

Speaking fast with his voice rising, Chan said, “If I need to buy a TV, I’ll definitely buy a Japanese TV. A Chinese TV might explode.”

Jackie Chan as Mr. Miyagi?

jackie_chan

Word on the street is that action hero Jackie Chan is gonna land the role of Mr. Miyagi in the Karate Kid remake that will star Jaden Smith.

The role was originally played by the irreplaceable Pat Morita, who died in 2005.

Personally, I don’t really care who plays Mr. Miyagi. I find Jaden Smith so eternally and hopelessly annoying that I wouldn’t see this movie even if Brad Pitt’s erect penis played Mr. Miyagi.

What do you guys think of this decision?