“I can’t believe that Danielle found a potential buyer for the elephant head so quickly!” is how this video begins.

“And I can’t believe it’s Jack White!” the man continues.

“If he’s really interested in the elephant head, then the huge risk I took is gonna pay off. If not, I’m gonna be out almost 10 grand!”

This is a great reality TV hook—10 thousand dollars are on the line, and it all hinges on eccentric celebrity Jack White!—in this special episode of History Channel’s American Pickers.

Mike and Frank go to meet their “potential buyer,” famed musician Jack White, whereupon they are transported into a wonderland of taxidermy and Day of the Dead dolls. Jack White immediately introduces the Pickers to “Miss Tempest Storm, the oldest burlesque dancer in the world!” he explains (she’s 84!).

The unveiling of elephant head in question is a truly morbid moment—I don’t think I expected such a grisly sight—and even Jack White is momentarily taken aback. Then he grins like a little kid. “That is the weirdest-looking giraffe I’ve ever seen,” he finally manages.

(more…)

“Fuck you, you hip motherfuckers! Why don’t you rock the fuck out?! Maybe I should go grab those free drinks and shove them down your throats, you hip motherfuckers!”

- Jack White flipping out on his audience (which included Liv Tyler and Mary-Kate Olsen) during a Dead Weather show in NYC. He didn’t feel like they were “rocking out” hard enough.

I can understand Jack’s frustration. I’d say the same thing.

Jack White has been pretty open about his love of taxidermy (you know, stuffed animals that used to be alive?), but now he’s wishing he’d never said a thing at all. Many “thoughtful” White Stripes fans have gifted the musician with strange stuffed presents, and he feels like they’re missing the point. Jack feels that his existing collection is almost like an ode to nature, a way to preserve what once was in it’s “natural state”, but many of the animals he’s been given by fans make a mockery of what I guess he views as art.

The singer has officially asked that fans just stop trying to add to his collection all together. He told Maxim, “I don’t have much choice in the matter – I feel like a rescuer, a Humane Society employee. There’s a majesty to these animals that I want to preserve; I can’t see them looked at in a comedic way.  Sometimes people get it wrong, and it’s so insulting. They’ll buy me a squirrel playing pool or some s**t like that.”

If it was any other type of gift, I’d say this guy is a dick for telling his fans to back off, but if we’re talking stuffed dead animals, then Jack’s 100% right. In a way it’s like fans throwing hot pink dyed mink coats at J.Lo because she’s willing to wear the real thing when it’s done right. And he’s right. The thought of a squirrel playing pool is ridiculous.

It’s called “Another Way to Die.” It was written and produced by Jack White, and performed by Jack White and Alicia Keys, after studio execs realized that Amy Winehouse was, essentially, unemployable.

It’s … um … weird. And by “weird” I mean it still probably would have been better if Mark Ronson and Amy Winehouse had done it, even if Amy had smoked, like, a mattress full of crack beforehand. In fact, I kind of feel cracked out just listening to it. It’s unsettling. It makes me want to twitch and rearrange furniture and then scratch at my face a lot.

Listen here.