Ivanka Trump announced on her Twitter page yeserday that she and her husband are expecting their first child, not to mention making The Donald a first-time grand dad. I couldn’t care less about The Apprentice these days (although the first three seasons killed it), but I loved Ivanka back in her teen modeling days. I remember reading an interview with her in Seventeen and even after I’d finished it, despite the fact that I still really had no idea who she was or why she was famous, I was totally captivated by her.
She and that one cute boyboy (Jared Kushner, owner of the New York Observer, don’t be so disrespectful, Molls) she married are probs gonna have some good lookin’ kidlets.
They just got engaged in July after Ivanka’s conversion to Judaism, and now Ivanka Trump is the proud and happy wife of Jared Kushner.
Trump married her super-rich guy (he owns the New York Observer) Sunday at Trump National Golf Club in New Jersey. As an aside, I was reading up on the Kushner family this morning. The groom’s father, Charles, was released from jail in August 2006 after serving less than two years for tax evasion and intimidating witnesses. One of those FBI witnesses was his sister’s husband. Charles hired a prostitute to seduce his brother-in-law. He videotaped the whole event and sent the tape to his sister. Nice. Guy.
Anyway, the fete was your basic low-key Trump affair with a Vera Wang dress, 500 guests, Regis Philbin singing and though it hasn’t been reported as such, let’s assume Ivana was there with a 24 year old on her arm. Good luck, kids! Hope you both signed a serious prenup.
Ivanka Trump is officially a dirty Jew. She converted to the religion in order for boy-toy Jared Kushner’s family to allow them to get engaged.
“Jared is my best friend for many reasons,” the heiress said. “I’ve allowed him to see who I truly am and he still loves me. I don’t feel like I have any defensive walls built up around me … He’s a bit of a hero of mine. His ability to remain focused – he lacks an anxiety that’s natural for someone his age handed so much responsibility.”
You can kinda-sorta get a look at Ivanka’s bling in these photos from the Whitney Museum’s party on Friday, and then I stole this close-up from People. Um … not too shabby, ‘vanks! MAZEL TOV! Now that you’re Jewish, how’s about a little Tzedakah? I’ll settle for 10% of your net wealth. It’ll please our God, I promise. And I’ve been negotiating with him for a lot longer than you.
Did I ever tell you guys about the time I wore Ivanka Trump’s tank top? So my parents shipped me off every summer to this “camp” outside of Boston — there was nothing “camp” about it, though. We slept in fancy dorms and ate fancy foods and occasionally were compelled to attend “activities,” but basically we just had a ton of free time to wander around and get high and engage in various sexual activities with one another. Needless to say, the camp attracted a lot of kids from NYC’s Upper East Side, and one of them was a close friend of Ivanka Trump. I grabbed a white tank top out of her closet one day because I liked it, and she saw me wearing it in the hall and she was like, “Um, you’re wearing Ivanka Trump’s tank top.” And I was like “What?” And she was like, “Yeah, I stole that from Ivanka and took it here and now you’re wearing it.” Somewhere, I have a picture of a very skinny, strung-out, black-eyelinered me wearing Ivanka Trump’s tank top. Ah, childhood.
Ever since then, I’ve felt a kinship with Ivanka. We shared a tank top, after all. So I’m delighted to hear that she’s maybe kinda-sorta marrying Jared Kushner, fellow heir and NYC wunderkind. Why the maybe-kinda-sorta? Because Ivanka’s not a member of the tribe, and Jared’s mother will not have her son marrying a non-Jew. (He even broke up with her for a little while because she was so upset about it.) But Ivanka’s working on the Jew thing.
“I am studying,” she said of her conversion to Judaism. She’s studying with Rabbi Haskel Lookstein at Congregation Kehilath Jeshurun. “It’s been an amazing and fulfilling experience for me … One of the jokes I first started making when Jared and I first started dating is, I’m a New Yorker, I’m in real estate. I’m as close to Jewish, with an ‘i-s-h’ naturally as anyone can start off.”
Ha. Maybe she ought to talk to Charlotte York. It worked out so well for her.
Ivanka’s friends are confirming that she’s split from her beau of one year, real estate heir/wunderkind Jared Kushner.
“It was mutual,” said a friend. “It’s a sad thing.”
Now Ivanka can get back to the business of pretending to run a department at Trump. And women can get back to not at all wanting to be her. And men can get back to thinking about how she does have great tits and they might be attracted to her if she weren’t so business-like and driven and intimidating.
Here’s Ivanka Trump, hosting some sort of golf thing for women in NYC.
I love how, most of the time, she’s holding the golf club as though she might break into song and dance with it, like Gene Kelly with an umbrella. Oh, if only the skies could open up and rain golf balls on her head.
This girl doesn’t know a thing about golf. Looking great in heels, though? She’s got that part down.
Ivanka Trump and Melania Knauss squint angrily at the camera at a Malawi benefit in NYC.
Seriously, what is up with this?
Does Melania have eye damage? Is it contagious?
Also, I want to go to sleep in Ivanka Trump’s breasts.