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Hugh Hefner

2Hugh Hefner “Didn’t See It Coming”

Hugh Hefner and Crystal Harris at 'An American in Paris' premiere, April 2011

There once was a bachelor named Hugh Hefner,
Loved Holly Madison; then he left her.
Instead, got engaged to one Crystal Harris
And attended the premiere of An American in Paris. (Pictured.)

Their 60-year age gap caused titters, and jeers,
But did it cause, too, wedding jitters and fears?
Though Hef could see her affection had faltered,
He was nonetheless blindsided when dumped at the altar.

What follows is from Hef’s interview with Piers Morgan;
Makes Hef seem real sad—Harris, more like a gorgon.
I’d like to keep rhyming and steal all the glory,
But as the journalists say, “Let the quotes write the story”:

Hugh Hefner:

…As we got very close to the marriage, you know, something was not right. But I didn’t see it coming, I truly didn’t see it coming.

At last Crys admitted her feet had gone cold,
Hef recommended just putting the wedding on hold.
He thought he’d reassured her; he’d obviously failed,
Because, by next morning, their relation-Ship had sailed:

That was only half the story obviously, because the next morning [after our conversation], without my knowledge, she was packing the bags.

Though it’s crystal-clear Crystal just used him, then shoved him,
Hef maintains that she really, really, really did love him:

I think an argument could be made that she took me for a ride, but I must say, quite frankly, it was a pretty nice ride. If she was faking it, she did it very well.

In conclusion—because I can’t keep this up—poor Hef! I really believe both of them. I have faith that Hef was genuinely marrying for something that maybe felt a little like love, and I believe Harris was totally sincere when she said, “Are you kidding? It was all for publicity.” Man, did Hugh Hefner ever dodge a bullet.

CNN has the whole video clip here. In other news, Hugh Hefner is not dead.

July 15, 2011 at 7:30 am by Jenn

0Quotables: Crystal Harris, the Runaway Bride, Speaks Out (Already)

photo of crystal harris playboy magazine cover mrs. crystal hefner pictures photos

“For a while, I’d been having second thoughts about everything, so I haven’t really been at peace with myself lately. It was all just happening too fast for me. I just sat back and thought about it all. Is this what I wanted? And it wasn’t. There was no fight. He understood, and we both agreed that it wasn’t the best idea to get married. He was doing it for me because he thought it was what I wanted. [I] wanted to be true to myself … This isn’t the lifestyle for me.”

Crystal Harris on ditching Hef and the idea of being married to one of the richer men in the US.

I’m also sure that the time of her break-up and releasing her Playboy cover being at the same time is just a total coincidence, too.

June 16, 2011 at 4:30 am by Sarah

1Crystal Harris Dumps Hugh Hefner Days Before Wedding

photo of hugh hefner and crystal harris pictures photos

If anyone is honestly, seriously surprised by this, give me your name and I’ll give you your sign.

Sources close to both Heffy Hefferson and Crystal Harris have confirmed that the wedding is definitely off. The reason behind the abrupt decision? Crystal wanted her own career (music) and didn’t want to have to live off of Hefner for the rest of her life – girlfriend wanted to make this fame and fortune shit happen on her own.

If you can believe that, I’ve got a really cool-ass bridge to sell you. For real.

Sources at TMZ claim that Crystal was “fed up” with the pittance of an allowance afforded to her by her fiance (she allegedly got a couple hundred bucks a week in spending, in addition to all of her bills being paid by Hefner), and this is probably why she left.

Anyway, I’m sure that the split ALSO had nothing to do with the fact that Crystal would become the laughingstock of the Serious Elite of Hollywood if she married Hefner (oh … wait) or that she’d be sleeping next to his shriveled-ass balls for the rest of his life (which probably isn’t all that long, but dag, some people just have NO PATIENCE).

I’m not a big Hef fan by any means, but this is probably the best thing that could have happened to both him and his fortune.

June 15, 2011 at 11:30 am by Sarah

4I’m Scared for Hef, You Guys

What’s this we have here? Oh, just an elderly millionaire responsible for one of the most successful publications of all time riding around on a scooter at Disneyland with his girlfriends yesterday.

There’s no question in my mind that Hef has enough people surrounding him (physically and like, emotionally) that he’s still making decisions for himself and that he’s not being taken advantage of too badly, but I dunno. There’s something sad about these photos to me. Maybe five years ago I could believe that this older man was finding some enjoyment in hanging out with barely legal women, but now that he’s decaying before our eyes and seemingly out of it, I don’t know. I’m starting to wonder if he just keeps up this charade because he doesn’t know any other way.

I’m a huge fan of Hef’s (if you can’t respect his business savvy, you need to GTFO,) so I guess I’m just concerned that he’s happy and spending the remaining years of his life in a comfortable and healthy way.

April 22, 2011 at 3:30 pm by Molls
Filed Under: Hugh Hefner

3This is Actually a Really Great Idea

picture of hugh hefner and crystal harris photos engagement pictures fiancee fiance

True love?  Is totally blind, deaf and dumb in addition to being eighty-four years old.

Hugh Hefner, who’s most known for his girlfriends-who-could-be-grandkids, is marrying his latest wife, twenty-four year-old Crystal Harris, without a prenup. Can you imagine? WITHOUT A PRENUP.

Best guess, Hef probably has, what, a good four or five years to go ’til he drops. But at the most? I know with modern science and the invention of cryogenics, things could be stretched a few years longer for the average person if you’ve got the dough, but the problem with that is, once Hef finally DOES kick, it’s going to be the cheating Crystal who’s going to walk away with a good chunk of said dough. How much? Uh, let’s just venture a guess at about 75% of Hefner’s 43 million-dollar empire, maybe.

That much.

I guess it makes sense to dump your money back into the economy after you die, and giving it to some floozy to blow it sure will do it, but throwing it all away on what you invested in all your life (um, tits, blondes, and sex) seems kind of, oh I don’t know, PREDICTABLE to me. Surprise us, Hef – rewrite your will and give all of your fortune to all of the starving and neglected kids in America or something. Or really throw us for a loop – will all of your Playboy Playmates as apprentices to the priests at the Vatican. Things could get really interesting then.

April 4, 2011 at 7:30 am by Sarah

0Crystal Harris is Cheating on Hef?!

Life & Style is reporting the Hugh Hefner’s fiancée Crystal Harris was seen cozying up to Dr. Phil’s son last night at Bar Marmont in Hollywood. The two sat closely and while Crystal wasn’t too inappropriate, Phil’s son, Jordan McGraw, was all over her, kissing her shoulders and holding her hand out in the open where anyone could see. Disrespectful, dude.

Crystal and Hef were engaged back in December, and while Hef has let his other girlfriends date in the past (so long as they weren’t disrespectful about it,) I have a feeling that he did not sign off on his fiancée talking to other men. In fact, a source close to Crystal told the magazine, “They’ve been sneaking around because Crystal is supposed to be happily engaged to Hef, and going out in public with Jordan would tarnish Hef and Crystal’s relationship image.”

I wonder what the broken-hearted Holly would have to say about this news…

March 23, 2011 at 1:30 pm by Molls
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