I hope you’re not eating your lunch right now, because you’ll probably lose it after this one. Hugh Hefner, Mr. Playboy himself, has revealed that he’s slept with over 1,000 women. Gag me. In an interview with Esquire, the 86-year-old said that while he’s now married to 26-year-old Crystal Harris and plans to remain faithful, he had to make sure he “kept his hand in” (I don’t want to think about what) when he was single.
“How could I possibly know? Over a thousand, I’m sure,” the mogul says of the number of ladies he’s taken to bed. “There were chunks of my life when I was married, and when I was married I never cheated. But I made up for it when I wasn’t married. You have to keep your hand in.”
Nope. I mean, I know Hugh Hefner wasn’t always old, but he has always been a bit skeevy, hence the founding of Playboy to begin with. He pays women to live in his house and get on top of him when he wants a little action. If that doesn’t seem weird to you, then we grew up in very different ways. On the other hand, the Playboy bunnies seem pretty happy making bank and riding an old dude and my feminist side doesn’t look down upon sex workers, so everyone knock yourselves out, I guess. But I still think it says something when your own wife – 60 years your junior – would rather play board games than be intimate with you.
March 26, 2013 at 12:30 pm by Jennifer
Kendra Wilkinson used to lay it on Hugh Hefner in a naked way back in her Playboy days and they’ve remained good friends since all the sexin’ stopped. So Kendra was none too pleased when Pepaw’s now-wife Crystal Harris left him at the altar the first time they were due to get married. In fact, she was so pissed about it, she actually wanted to kill the 26-year-old.
From Montana’s Big J Radio Show (via DigitalSpy):
“I got pissed off when she hurt him and he can’t go around thinking that people will automatically love her, especially after that. That pissed everybody off, that she would just leave him and dump him, use him and abuse him.
“Of course, someone like me, I wanted to kill her. So now he’s trying to get people to love her again.”
I don’t know if anyone will ever really love Crystal Harris (or Hugh Hefner, for that matter). I’m all for love across the generations, but considering wifey would rather play Uno than have sex with her husband less than a year after they married, I doubt there’s a deep soul connection there.
And yo, Kendra needs to get it together. Is Crystal “using and abusing” Hugh for his truckloads of cash? Most likely. But uh, isn’t he using her for her youthful lady bits? It all ain’t right.
February 27, 2013 at 9:30 am by Jennifer
It’s been less than a year since Hugh Hefner and Crystal Harris finally tied the knot (after she unsuccessfully tried to run away) and to everyone’s shock, I’m sure, 26-year-old Crystal isn’t so keen on having sex with her 86-year-old husband. While she could only say “no comment” when asked if they are intimate, she did seem way too relieved as she explained that Hef would rather play board games than do the nasty.
From HuffPost Live:
“I feel like since Hef is older now and he’s had… the phases of all the girlfriends and all that kind of stuff… I feel now is more, you know, like cuddling up and watching a movie or playing backgammon. We play Uno with the girls.”
Crystal also backtracked a bit on her previous comments that the Playboy mogul is a “two second man“, blaming it on a bad publicist and probably the truth since he’s old as dirt.
“When I first left, I did some interviews I shouldn’t have done. I was mad. It was a breakup, and I shouldn’t have done some of the things. At the time I had a bad publicist, so things did get switched and turned around.”
Well, okay. I can’t really talk about this much more because I just ate lunch and I might vomit even thinking of Hef’s wrinkly ass going at it with anyone, let alone a girl young enough to be his granddaughter, but I think Crystal has said all there is to say, anyway.
February 8, 2013 at 12:30 pm by Jennifer
And on New Year’s Eve, too, just like everyone said. Go figure—it actually happened this time.
Anyway, this is Crystal Harris and her newly (even more) jacked face on her wedding day to poor, frail Hugh Hefner, who I’m starting to pity more and more as the days go by. That dress sure is pretty though, huh?
The couple got married at the Playboy mansion earlier this week, and this is what Hugh the Man had to say about his newest blushing bride:
“Crystal & I married on New Year’s Eve in the Mansion with Keith as my Best Man … Love that girl!”
Which, hey. Sure. I guess when you’re going to be eighty-seven years old, you should be pretty thankful and happy for anything that happens to you, because really, at that age especially, you never do know which life event is going to be your last. With Hugh at almost ninety years old, this could very well be his final wedding. I mean, it probably won’t be, but there’s always that chance that Crystal Harris could be the bride that inherits the fruits of the whole Playboy empire. Can you even imagine?
January 2, 2013 at 4:30 am by Sarah
A lot of things can happen in a year, you know? Blake Lively is on the fast track to marrying Ryan Reynolds, but this time last year, she was dating Leonardo DiCaprio, not to mention that she was right in the middle of that whole nude photo scandal. Likewise, Kim Kardashian is on the fast track to marrying Kanye West when just a year ago she was planning her wedding with Kris Humphries. Relationships can come and go just like a sultry summer wind, and if anybody knows that, it’s Hugh Hefner. Well, and Kim Kardashian, obviously.
But, if you’ll remember, last summer was supposed to be a special one for Hef. He was supposed to get married to Crystal Harris, but she left him a few days before the wedding and shacked up with Dr. Phil’s son. Last summer was crazy, wasn’t it? But like I said, a lot of things can happen in a year, so it shouldn’t be so surprising when I tell you that Hugh and Crystal are back together.
Crystal Harris, who left Hugh Hefner at the altar with a parting shot about his bedroom skills – calling him two-second man – is back at the Playboy mansion, and all seems good – for now.
“Yes I am his #1 girl again,” she Tweetedon Friday, confirming reports of a reconciliation. “Yes we are happy. Hope that clears up any confusion! Xo.”
Harris, 26, a onetime Playmate of the Month, and Hefner, 86, broke up in dramatic style in June 2011 with Harris calling off their wedding just days before the nuptials with 300 invited guests.
Hefner later expressed relief, saying, “I missed a bullet,” and Harris issued a half-apology for her comments to Howard Stern about Hef’s sexual skills.
Well, we’ll see, I guess. I don’t know, I’ve just always been under the impression that if a relationship doesn’t work the first time around, it’s probably not going to work the second time (OR THE NINTH OR TENTH TIME, PEOPLE WHO LIVE ABOVE ME. He always screams about how “I do all this shit for you, Kayla,” and by “all this shit,” I guess he means stomping around for 22 hours of the day and yelling at her constantly and testing out the new speakers in his douchey car by blasting shitty music right outside my window). Maybe that’s because my parents got divorced twice, or maybe it’s because I helped document Sinead O’Connor’s wacky relationship, but I just think that for the most part, if it’s not going to work, then it’s just not going to work.
But hey, do you think they’ll try to have another wedding?
June 4, 2012 at 3:30 pm by Emily
“[The idea of Lindsay posing for Playboy] really came as a surprise to me. I kind of had mixed emotions about it initially, and then it turned into something bigger than life. I wasn’t quite sure where she was at in her life, obviously. It depends on whether it’s Tuesday or Thursday.”
What does that say about your career trajectory if someone like HUGH HEFNER is questioning your ability to make sound decisions?