“I think this is what it is, and hopefully no one takes it wrong. His [Maksim's] way is hard. We all know about it. If a lady doesn’t like to be treated in a hard way on the dance floor with Maks, then they should tell the producer, ‘I don’t want to get in on this ride. Because I’m scared.’”

This would be Gilles Marini, one of this year’s upcoming stars on Dancing With the Stars all-stars, telling us why Hope Solo’s letting the world know that Maksim Chmerkovskiy (who is a dick and has a damned near impossible-to-type last name) is an abusive, overbearing dunce.

And now, wait. Assuming this is right and real and everything, we’re just supposed to let it be OK because Maksim‘s “way is hard”? Because it involves slapping people around and forcefully bending their physical beings into different positions and that would be why, because there’s just no other way of helping people learn to dance properly? Oh, OK. Now that you put it that way, I suppose it makes all sorts of sense.

On the real, though? First, Maks is lucky that Hope didn’t turn around and punch him in the mouth the first time he did it, because damn. I know that if it were me he decided to manhandle, his next appearance on live television would be complete with a black eye and fewer teeth.

As for the show’s producers, this kind of imposing attitude is alright because everyone knows about it? And everyone goes along with it because that’s just the way it’s always been? That’s nice, ABC networks. I guess we shouldn’t be too surprised, though—this is the network that allowed Chris Brown to perform on Good Morning America just a couple months after he beat the piss out of Rihanna, but told Adam Lambert he was too gay for their audiences.

I hope for this douche’s sake that these allegations aren’t true—and if they aren’t, then maybe someone should tell Gilles Marini that running his mouth doesn’t make him the frontrunner to win in this year’s circus of washed-up hasbeens who allow themselves to be exploited by crap television networks who SUCK.

“He manhandled me in rehearsals from the start, pushing me, whacking my stomach, bending my arms roughly,” the Olympian, 31, writes in Solo: A Memoir of Hope.

“I thought that was just how it went – how dancers worked with each other,” she continues. “But it kept getting worse. … One day, Maks was trying to put me in a certain position and hit my stomach so hard with his open palm that I had a red handprint there for the rest of the day.”

Solo, goalie for the gold medal-winning U.S. women’s soccer team at the 2012 Summer Olympics, says that ABC offered her a new pro partner after Chmerkovskiy slapped her during rehearsal for the show’s 2011 Halloween episode.

“He wanted my head in a specific position. To achieve that, he slapped me across the face. Hard,” she writes, according to USA Today.

She declined a new partner, she says, because “she didn’t want to end [his] career.”

… Um. Wow?

This is what Maksim had to say in unofficial response via Twitter:

Always hated hypocrites and liars…but when someone is both AND an opportunist, I just feel bad for them. Can’t win at someone’s expense…

This is a whole lot of information to process. If it is true, why wasn’t it brought to the attention of the public, or at least law enforcement, while it was happening? Why wait so long, and why put it in a memoir, when something could have been done about it at a much sooner juncture? If it isn’t true … why would Hope Solo go ahead and make these kinds of allegations? Because come on. They’re pretty damn serious if you ask me. “Slapped across the face”? “Hard”? Yikes.

OK, so first of all, how hot is Hope Solo? She’s athletic, she’s hot, she seems like a blast to hang out with, and she’s going places. Women’s soccer champ, Dancing With the Stars contestant, what’s next? … No, really, what’s next?

Jump in to check out girlfriend in all her stacked-up glory!

So, I know, I know – I do this kind of thing to you guys quite a bit. But you should know me by now, and you should also know I like to keep you on your toes. As for nudity, is that something you think I’d run before noon, anyway? OK, you’re right, I suppose you do know me pretty well – I would. But still.

The photo, at any rate, is from ESPN magazine’s body issue, and also features other “nude” covers like that of Gretchen Blieler, professional snowboarder:

And New York Mets’ Jose Reyes, who would probably be really hot if it weren’t for the five-head he’s rocking with the otherwise-fab hair:

Who’s your favorite NUDE?

I don’t know, guys. I was never really into Dancing With the Stars, and I was even more aghast when they asked Kate Gosselin to star on it for a season, so I’m sort of torn as to how I continuously feel about the show. I know it’s not going away anytime soon, and I’ve made my peace with that, but it seems like the execs over there at ABC are trying really, really hard to lure in the under-fifty crowd by including people like Bristol Palin, Kendra Wilkinson, and the majority of the new season’s cast. Who, you’re wondering? Try these names out for size:

Nancy Grace. Just when you thought her career wouldn’t extend past the Casey Anthony trial.

Kristin Cavallari. Because she’s just been dumped by someone who wasn’t even good enough to be considered for the sportsman position on DWTS, I guess.

Ricki Lake. Why not? It’s not like she’s done anything recently except play poker or something.

Chynna Phillips. Sure hope this one doesn’t lose the weight that most contestants do. SHE CAN’T AFFORD IT.

Hope Solo. This one’s going to be fun to watch. I saw an interview after all of the women’s soccer hubbub earlier this summer where she was asked about the possibility of joining the cast, and Hope claimed that, even though she’s mad athletic and coordinated on the field, she can’t dance for crap. I like this girl, so good times.

Jump in for the rest of *the list:

Elisabetta Canalis. I’m just “meh” about this, I guess. She was a hot ticket when she was George Clooney’s girl, because she was George Clooney’s girl, but now I guess I couldn’t really give a crap about her. Fame is a fickle friend, guys.

David Arquette. Ugh, really? I’ve come to the conclusion that this guy’s a total reject and will fail at anything he does. His marriage? Well, it speaks for itself. Now he’s rumored to be dating dirty, dirty Joe Francis’s ex-wife. Fail. The whole trying to be successful and sober thing? Failure. Dancing With the Stars? He’ll FAIL.

Rob Kardashian. Yup, definitely the least interesting Kardashian going. Why couldn’t it be Khloe? At least she’d be fun and entertaining, but I guess the media chose Rob because he’s the Kardashian least likely to succeed these days.

Ryan O’Neal. I thought this guy was in rehab? Or was that his son? Or both of them? Oh, I guess it was the son as of recent. I don’t know. I can barely tell them apart. Either way, this person will be the first to go, I have no doubts.

JR Martinez. But who’s JR Martinez? I thought they were just calling him Junior, so that’s who I Googled. And according to Google, Junior Martinez is a minor league baseball player. But that’s not who we’re talking about, we’re talking about JR Martinez, who actually way more important than some minor-leaguer. Martinez is a retired military man who currently stars on All My Children. According to his Wiki page:

In 2003, J.R. experienced severe burns to over 40 percent of his body while serving as a United States Army infantryman in Iraq. After a long and difficult recovery, J.R. spends his time traveling the country extensively in his role as a spokesman and motivational speaker sharing his message of resilience and optimism to large corporations, veteran groups, schools, and other organizations.

I’m disappointed in myself that I’ve never heard of him before. Guess I should pull my head out of my ass sometimes, huh?

Chaz Bono. This is a good pick. If any D-lister could stand to get a little more healthy looking, it’s Chaz Bono.

Ron Artest. Yes. Let’s include the guy who wants to change his legal name to “Metta World Peace,” just because. Why not?

*This list is obviously subject to change, as this is a “leak.” You know how those bitches roll.