Another day, another celebrity hacking. This time it’s not tits and ass we’re getting a peek at, but rather private financial information of some of Hollywood’s biggest stars (and a few politicians, too). Surprise: they’re all rich! Filthy rich!

From TMZ:

Twelve big celebs and political figures, including Jay-Z, Beyonce, are the victims of a hacker who has posted detailed information about what appears to be their finances … and we’ve learned law enforcement is on the case.

A website — we’re not disclosing the name — has posted social security numbers, mortgage amounts, credit card info, car loans, banking and other info of major celebs.  In addition to Beyonce and Jay-Z … the site has snagged financial dossiers of Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, Mel Gibson, Ashton Kutcher, Joe Biden, Robert Mueller, Hillary Clinton, Eric Holder and LAPD Chief Charlie Beck.

The site was not able to get a lot on Joe Biden or Hillary Clinton, but most of the others on the list have had their financial info compromised.

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ … the LAPD has already launched an investigation.  We’re told the FBI is looking into it.

Damn. Donald Trump and Britney Spears were also added to this list soon after the initial report emerged. Basically nothing is private anymore, not even the financial information of big stars who can, presumably, pay or extra security measures to keep this info from getting out. It’s unclear what anyone would be able to do with this info since presumably, if you tried to steal money from these people, you’d have a damn hard time getting away with it, but maybe I’m just not up on the latest criminal approaches. Not really my scene.

I’m sure we’ll see some more celebs added to this list in the coming weeks. How much do you want to bet that since this is involving famous people, the perps will be caught and in jail by week’s end? Everyone knows Hollywood personalities are important than real crimes affecting regular people.

Christina and Hillary were both at this leadership award ceremony in Washington D.C. yesterday because they’re both doing really important things to help out all those starving people around the world. And that’s a really great thing, it really is. It’s a very important cause, and it’s a cause that needs all the help it can get. I think it’s so admirable that Christina is taking time away from singing about f-cking bodies to use her fame for something good.

But you guys know why I’m posting this picture. And that’s all I’m going to say.

President Obama celebrated his 50th birthday yesterday! Happy birthday, Mr. President!

And how did Madame Tussauds D.C. celebrate the occasion?

PARTY HATS. PARTY HATS FOR EVERYBODY.

Something about this whole display gives me the screaming heebie-jeebies. The wax figures themselves look like reflections in a funhouse mirror.

Another thing: I am actually vaguely offended by the party hats. No matter your opinion of our Commander-in-Chief, I don’t think his effigy needed to spend his Big Day wearing a paper cone on his head. (Now, Bill Clinton wearing a party hat in the Oval Office? That’s hilarious.)

And finally, can you identify the wax woman standing with President and First Lady Obama? Because I genuinely thought it was Jennifer Hudson, you guys.

Sammie Spades once worked as an intern in Senator Clinton’s office in Buffalo, New York; now she’s a porn star, as TMZ uncovered two weeks ago.

So it was only a matter of time—er, nine whole days, actually—until somebody propositioned Spades with an offer she couldn’t pass up. You guessed it: Spades is currently filming a bio-pic of her life. (Some scenes might be fictionalized juuuuust slightly.)

Only four days after what was surely a tedious Clinton lookalike casting process, The Backdoor Intern finally has its Hillary! And here she is with Sammie, live on set. The movie already has a set.

From certain angles, Porn Hillary looks a little like Kristen Wiig. Oh, no! I CAN’T UNSEE.

I don’t want to talk politics.  You can ramble on about it to your heart’s content in the comments or on Twitter or whatever, but that’s not what this is about.  This is about Hillary Clinton, a woman we all know and maybe love, tripping herself up and slamming her damn face on the ground. Because I don’t care who you are, if you’re a Democrat, a Republican, some weird kind of Libertarian, or from a different country altogether – we’ve all had a bit of a tumble before, too. And I want to celebrate that.

Me, I fall all the livelong day.  If I’m walking, I’m falling. Sometimes I get too daydreamy and miss patches of ice or rabbit holes, sometimes I start thinking too hard about the mechanics of walking and my legs go all “system error,” and sometimes I go to a dance class and practice my chasse step leap immediately after donating blood.  And you guys, Hillary Clinton does the same fucking thing. And that’s beautiful.

You guys fall too, right?  Let’s hush up all the claptrap about politics and world news and all and just focus on clumsy stories.  This is relationship building at its finest.

Jon Favreau, the 27 year-old speechwriter for president-elect Obama and the one with his hand on Hillary’s tit, is pretty brilliant.  So it really makes you wonder what would ever make him think that this was a Kodak moment.  And of course, it showed up on Facebook.  Everything shows up there.  Including scandalous pictures of me from high school wearing fucking acid wash jeans and a tanning bed tan.  Who knew there would be evidence of that shit?  Or that acid wash denim wasn’t a timeless classic?  But back to Hillary getting felt up.  Even though it was only posted for a couple of hours, it’s all over the internet.

I guess Favreau apologized and Clinton’s top aide said in an email “Senator Clinton is pleased to learn of Jon’s obvious interest in the State Department, and is currently reviewing his application.”  Ha ha. 

Funny but can you imagine how embarrassed this speechwriter is going to be when he sees Hillary face to face?  I guess he should just be relieved that he’s still employed.

Barack Obama has officially selected Hillary Clinton as his secretary of state.

He also selected Janet Napolitano as his secretary of homeland security. Napolitano’s a comparatively unknown name, but she’s been governor of my home state, Arizona, forever. She’s a Democrat, too, and continues to get re-elected again and again in an predominately Republican state. That’s how good she is at her job. So this is awesome news.

Also on the chick front, Barack selected Susan Rice as United Nations ambassador.

Good choice, Mr. President-elect!

Barack Obama is nominating Senator Hillary Clinton as his secretary of state on Monday.  It isn’t as great as the dream ticket would have been, but it is still pretty damn exciting.

Hillary Rodham Clinton was advised, in no uncertain terms, to remove the “Rodham” from the name she used while campaigning for office, lest she seem like one of those “aggressive” women unwilling to abandon her own last name.

Sarah Palin campaigned for mayor of Wasilla as Sarah Heath Palin, where “Heath” is her maiden name.

I’m just saying.

Tina Fey is back on SNL … as Sarah Palin.

OMG.

Can’t stop laughing.

Genius, genius.

Thanks Rebecca!