9Spencer And Heidi Are Broke Because of The Apocalpyse

Hey, remember when everybody thought the world was going to end on December 21st, 2012? And some people really thought the world was going to end, and they focused their whole lives on getting ready for it? You should remember that, it wasn’t that long ago. Oh, and there was an episode of Wife Swap about it (not that you should, but if you wanted to, the episode might be on YouTube and it might be TOTALLY WORTH IT). Come on, you guys totally remember this.

But you know who definitely remembers this? Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. They remember it so well because they wasted all the money they earned from being dumb because of it.

Here’s what Spencer himself had to say about his behavior in the months and years leading up to December 21st:

“We made and spent at least 10 million dollars. The thing is, we heard that the planet was going to end in 2012. We thought, we have got to spend this money before the asteroid hits.

“Here’s some advice, definitely do not spend your money thinking asteroids are coming. But the world didn’t end.

“I would give my friends $15,000 for their birthday. Just cash. I would buy people cars. Every valet I met got a couple of hundred pounds tip. I would pay people $200 just to open doors for us.”

I love how he said that they “heard the planet was going to end.” It seemed like most people who thought the world was going to end were a lot more adamant about it, you know? Like “the world is ending, prepare for the end times, this is definitely, 100% for sure happening!” But Spencer and Heidi just heard about it somewhere, I guess. It must have sounded pretty legit to them.

But guys, please heed Spencer’s advice and do not spend your money thinking asteroids are coming. If you can take one thing away from this whole story, please let it be that.

January 31, 2013 at 5:30 am by Emily

4Don’t Worry, We Haven’t Forgotten You … Uh …

What’s her name again? HEIDI MONTAG. Right. I have Crystal Harris on the brain from the earlier post about Holly Madison, and I couldn’t think of any other name than Crystal Harris. I mean, yeah, I guess Crystal and Heidi are about the same, really, and on the same level—the only difference is that Crystal’s going to be one rich bitch while Heidi will never be a rich bitch ever again.

This is what Heidi Montag looks like, for any of you who were wondering what thirty grand worth of plastic surgery would look like five years post-op.

What a great investment, huh? What kind of return are you getting on this shit, huh Heidi?

December 2, 2012 at 2:00 pm by Sarah

0Heidi Montag is Back

And this is what she looks like going to a baby shower for “friend,” Kristin Cavallari.

From Us Magazine:

Kristin Cavallari’s baby shower looked like a mini-Hills reunion.
The pregnant 25-year-old — who wore a black maxi dress and several gold bangles — was feted by former MTV costars Stephanie Pratt, 26, Heidi Montag, 25, and Spencer Pratt, 28, at a private residence in West Hollywood, a source tells Us Weekly.

“Kristin was glowing and gorgeous. She looked so happy!” a source says of Cavallari, who entertained about 30 guests. “Guys were there, too. It was co-ed.”

Stephanie Pratt and Heidi Montag sighting at Catherine Malandrino Maison Restaurant on May 01, 2009 in West Hollywood.

Attendees were treated to cupcakes and a three-tier sponge cake by Pink Salt Event Cuisine, in addition to being served cocktails. “It was like a fun party,” the source tells Us. Petals L.A. provided the flowers.

And that? Is what Heidi Montag‘s been up to. Hopefully now we won’t have to talk about her for at least another year, huh?

May 20, 2012 at 9:00 am by Sarah

1Just in Case You Forgot About Heidi and Spencer …

Whew, time sure does fly, folks. Can you believe that it’s been three whole months since we last posted about Heidi Montag, and an entire four months since Spencer was mentioned on the site? That’s like a lifetime in Hollywood. That’s, like, an amount of time that can pass and people will plum FORGET about you.

… Can we do that again, please?

December 19, 2011 at 2:30 pm by Sarah

10Heidi Montag Turns Twenty-Five, Various Heidi Montag Body Parts Turn Two

Color me stupid, but I almost fell off my chair when I read that Heidi Montag is only twenty-five. She’s only twenty-five. That means she was practically a CHILD when she had all this crazy plastic surgery. Man, what a shame. What an even-more-of a shame.

Wow. So yeah, Heidi Montag turned twenty-five and celebrated her quarter-century on earth in Las Vegas, where she pretended it wasn’t difficult for her to stand up straight with those things while making eye contact with her “peers.”

In honor of Heidi’s 25th, I’ve compiled a gallery of photos from when she looked normal. Amazing, all that plastic surgery and it did nothing for the girl. Living proof here that some things really are just better left alone.

September 19, 2011 at 4:30 am by Sarah

2Spencer and Heidi Have Learned from Their Mistakes, Maybe

Whoooaaaaa! Did you feel that? That was the Earth settling contentedly on its axis, as all the Cosmos shrug: Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are flat broke. Or at least, that’s what the couple reports in a piteous new interview.

But perhaps they are also a little older, a little wiser? Hmm.

Spencer illuminates how the couple blew their meager fortune:

My whole million-dollar wardrobe—I would never wear that again. They’re props. Everything we were doing, we were buying props. I bought a big blue monster truck just to drive it on The Hills for an episode. Never drove it again.

Yep. And by the way, said truck was sold last month, to the tune of… $5,500. Oh, boy. Now the couple is living rent-free in Spencer’s parents’ vacation house.

Heidi, duly wistful about her plastic surgeries:

Obviously I wish I didn’t do it. I would go back and not have any surgery. It doesn’t help. I got too caught up in Hollywood, being so into myself and my image. I don’t regret anything, but if I could go back, I wouldn’t do it.

Spencer, on the couple’s foolhardy pursuit of fame:

Everything we were doing, in retrospect, was a mistake. The second we continued on our quest for fame was a mistake. This isn’t a business. That was the big thing I didn’t get: Reality TV is not a career. Anyone who says, ‘Oh, you can have a career in reality’—that is a lie.

Ah, hubris! Thy name is Spencer:

What we learned is: You can be too famous.

NO, SPENCER, THAT IS THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF WHAT—oh, never mind. Sigh.

August 1, 2011 at 4:30 am by Jenn