“Beatrice questions everybody who eats animals When we were in the south of France, there was a buffet for kids, and by the end of the week no one would sit near us because she would go over and say, ‘Why are you eating that cow’s bottom?’ or ‘Oh, look at that little shrimp with little eyes.’”
Heather Mills, confirming that she’s raising her 5-year-old vegan daughter to be a total pain in the ass to the general public.
Yep, our favorite mono-legged vegan has crawled into bed with Burger King as spokesperson to promote their new vegetarian burger. In exchange for services provided, BK is leaving $6M on the ethical (as long as ethics don’t include taking money from burger-flinging fast food chains) meat shunner’s nightstand. And by “shunned meat”, I mean Paul McCartney’s dick.
A spokesperson for Heather only had this to say: “Heather has been a vegan ever since she lost her leg and she has been developing and refining vegan recipes ever since.”
I can’t fathom the dark depression I would plunge into if I lost a leg. The only thing more devastating than losing a limb? Losing bacon.
Heather Mills appeared today at the Healthy Meal Cook-A-Thon in New York. She spent her time teaching apprentices how to prepare healthy, vegan meals. She’s not just a gold digger; she’s a chef! What do you think of her new hairdo? Most people look better with less hair in my opinion.
As you know, I’m not a huge fan of macrobiotic or vegan diets due to my close and personal relationship with cheese and general happiness. It appears that the dude in the background of the main picture shares my sentiments. Though I’ll never be vegan, I will say that whatever she has on that spoon looks vaguely like it once had a face. Impressive.
Heather Mills’ publicist has quit — and it’s not pretty. Apparently things broke down when Mills heard that flack Michele Elyzabeth would be writing a tell-all about the one-legged wonder.
“She was screaming and yelling, ‘Is it true that you’re writing a book about me?’ I told her that it wasn’t true, and she went bonkers,” Elyzabeth said. “She was screaming so loud, she told whoever she was with to leave the room. She was yelling, ‘I am tired of you, you’re so stupid! You’re so unprofessional.’
“I said, ‘Who do you think you are with the way you behave – God?’ Then she took it to another level. She was furious, fuming. She said, ‘How dare you call me that?’ I told her I was sick of her outbursts. I said, ‘You have a couple of dollars now and think you are somebody?’ ” Elyzabeth said.
The publicist then told Mills she was quitting. “She told me she never wanted to speak to me again, and I said the same,” Elyzabeth relates. She says Mills hasn’t paid her for the last three of the four years she worked for her, and now owes her more than $100,000.
“I didn’t see a dime,” Elyzabeth said. “She’s so cheap . . . I think she tells false stories and then believes them herself.
“One day she is sweet, one day she’s not, and there’s no reason for any of it. I protected her when I knew I was dealing with someone who was unstable. But now I believe everything the British press has written about her.”
Oh, Heather. Everybody hates you so very much.
Heather Mills McFugly finally settled her divorce from the Beatle — to the tune of $48.6 million.
It isn’t even close to what she was asking for originally, but still. I could live on that kind of money, I think.
“I’m so glad it’s over,” Mills said at an impromptu news conference. “It was an incredible result in the end to secure mine and my daughter’s future and that of all the charities that I obviously plan on helping and making a difference with â€” because you know it has been my life for 20 years.”
Jesus, Heather, no one’s happier it’s over than me. Not only does it mean that I don’t have to read about your stupid divorce proceedings anymore, it means the door is officially open for my ass to get in there and divorce Paul McCartney.
Can you guess? Can you?
HELLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOO, HEATHER MILLS!!!!
Thank you for finally being interesting!!!!
News of the World unearthed these photos. They haven’t released the fully nude ones yet, but I’m sure they’ll surface eventually, and we’ll have them for you when they do.
Uncensored version is after the jump.
Update: We’ve got the fully nude shots here.
“Sadly, you have to mix at a certain level of people to raise the level of funds you need to bring about the greater good. Because people are very snobby. These people who have lots of money, they’re either snobby or they’re stingy. If you have lots of money, you have to be stingy â€” because why would you want that amount of money? … If you look at every single person in the history of the world who has tried to make a difference, you’ll find a very long section of their lives where they were treated horrifically by the government or by the media.”
Yeah, seriously, Heather, why would anyone want to have a lot of money? I mean, why would anyone do anything so stressful as a years-long divorce battle in the courts and the media just to have tons of money? That would be insane. Unimaginable.