Aight, aight. So I always have to admit whenever I critique people’s fashion that I really have no business doing so. I am wearing flared jeans as I write this. Yes, flared. They’re old and they’re really comfortable and you would wear them too if you didn’t have a will to live. ANYWAY! That being said, I was pretty disappointed across the board by the dress selections last night at The Critic’s Choice Awards. With the exception of a couple (Heather Graham, Emily Blunt, Amy Poehler), everyone looked like they bought their dress of the rack at Nordstrom in the really fancy section last minute. Lots of ill-fitting garments, lots of things that looked like last season’s trends or generally unstylish (from the dress to the shoes, I beg you to tell me: What the fuck is Sandy B. wearing in the photo above? Are those hooves?) Perhaps I’m being a bit harsh, or maybe I should consider that the Golden Globes are on Sunday and everyone’s saving their pretty for that, but you let me know what you think in the comments…
We deeply examine a lot of critical social issues around here such as Prop 8, major elections, and the Duff sisters latest plastic surgery procedures. So, today I’d like to lighten things up a bit.
With that mindset in place, I ask you, what’s worse? Kristin Cavallari in this dress, or…
Heather Graham makes me feel so inferior. I consider it a successful day when I get a shower, but The Hangover actress Heather Graham has loftier — literally — goals. So, while I continue to work on mastering my daily scrub, Graham is working on levitation and learning to fly. As she explained in a Daily Mail interview, she needs to learn flying so she can travel across cities and oceans and save people from bad fortune.
So far I’ve only succeeded in my dreams. I practice transcendental meditation and there is a phase where you’re meant to lift off the ground. It hasn’t happened yet. I’ll manage it one day. In fact, I’m aiming beyond levitation. I want to be able to fly like a superhero. I won’t be happy until I can fly across oceans and cities, saving people from being murdered.
Let me get this straight — Heather Graham won’t be happy until she accomplishes transatlantic flight without an aircraft? I predict it’s going to be a long and unhappy life, Heather.