Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Hank Baskett

There’s Nothing Funny About This, You Monsters

OK, I’m sure it’s a little funny to some of you and that’s fine, but you should know that it makes you a bad person. Look at Kendra Wilkinson! My big-breasted girlfriend was seen crying her pretty little eyes out as she left the Superbowl stadium yesterday after watching her husbo more or less lose the big game for his team. The hysterics seem like a bit much considering, you know, he lost the Superbowl and it’s a pretty big deal that he made it there in the first place, but you gotta love how supportive and loyal Kendra is. Also, it makes my uterus ache thinking about her little baby wrapped up in that blanket, too young to ever remember a day that his hot mom carried him out of a stadium crying after his father blew the biggest game of the year. They have to be the most perfect family ever. This gallery is like some modern-day Norman Rockwell shit minus the father and plus a lot of tears.

Kendra Finally Spit Out That Baby

Kendra Wilkinson Has a Baby Boy

My second favorite Girl Next Door (loved Bridget, hated Holly), Kendra Wilkinson has finally given birth after being pregnant for what seemed like forever. From E! (of course):

The E! star and her NFL-player hubby Hank Baskett welcomed their first child together,son Hank Baskett IV, at 12:37 a.m. Friday in Indianapolis.

The wee one was delivered via C-section, weighing a robust 9 pounds, 5 ounces. (He is a football player’s son, after all.)

As if Kendra couldn’t fit a nine pound baby out of her body the old fashioned way. You know what I mean. Because her vagina could probably handle it. Ugh. Gross. Never mind.

The little boy, whose progress we were updated on almost daily via supermarket tabloids and E! News breaks, is doing great and so is the mother. “We’re happy and healthy and enjoying every second with little Hank,” the couple said yesterday in a statement.

I know there are a lot of cynics out there who think that Kendra and Hank are probably going to fail and/or not have enough intelligence to rub together in order to keep this baby alive and normal, but I actually think these two are an exception to the Britney and K-Fed rule. I kind of feel like maybe staying at home, raising kids and being a football player’s wife could be the best thing that Kendra’s done since her last Playboy spread.

Vick Is In; Baskett Gets The Boot

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I don’t know why these sports stories can’t break when Kelly is working, but this one is pretty straightforward — no sports knowledge needed.

Michael Vick, the quarterback who was recently released from prison for illegal dogfighting, has been put on the roster for the Philadelphia Eagles.  He was on their exempt list, but now is allowed to practice with and play for the team.  Hey, he did apologize!  Of course, bringing Vick in meant someone had to go.  Who got the boot?  Kendra Wilkinson’s husband, Hank Baskett!

What will Hank and Kendra do with a baby on the way?  Will Hank get picked up by another team?  How will Kendra handle this stress in the final months of her pregnancy?  Did she do that stupid laugh when she heard the news?  We gotta pray that Kendra stays on the air so we can get all these questions (and more!) answered.