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Halle Berry

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Halle Berry Pregnant with String Cheese

Look, guys, I found something on the Internets today that’s not about Britney!!!

A very pregnant Halle Berry rocks the string cheese in LA.

When I first saw this pic, I thought it was a tampon in her hand. But, no, it’s just string cheese.

Ooh, that could be kinky … or stinky. Can you imagine going to the hospital trying to explain why you’re emitting a strong odor because there’s a tiny bit of molding string cheese stuck in your vaginal cavity? I swear, every time I think of something weird and kinky that could be done in the bedroom, my next thought is always, “Well, what would the corresponding hospital visit look like?”

Why am I even talking about this? Back to Britney.

I’m Giving Halle Berry a Pass on This Whole Jewish Nose Thing

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In case you haven’t heard about it yet, you can read about Halle Berry and her Jewgate here. Basically, she went on Leno, showed some Photoshopped picture of herself with a really big nose, and said it looked like her “Jewish cousin.” (The “Jewish” part was removed from the broadcast at Berry’s request.)

As a member of the Tribe, I get to give people passes for shit like this. And I’m giving Halle Berry a pass. I really don’t think she meant to be offensive.

Even the Jews over at Page Six went easy on her:

Berry, 41, who sounded like she was near tears, told Page Six last night: “I so didn’t mean to offend anybody – and after the show I realized it could be seen as offensive, so I asked Jay to take it out, and he did.”

The gorgeous actress, who is 4½ months pregnant with her first child, by boyfriend Gabriel Aubry, said, “What happened was I was backstage before the show and I have three girls who are Jewish who work for me. We were going through pictures to see which ones looked silly, and one of my Jewish friends said [of the big-nose picture], ‘That could be your Jewish cousin!’ And I guess it was fresh in my mind, and it just came out of my mouth. But I didn’t mean to offend anybody. I didn’t. I didn’t mean any harm.”

Berry, who even offered to call Page Six’s source and apologize in person, said, “It was just a lighthearted segment that was meant to make fun of myself. There was a picture where I said I looked like Monica Lewinsky and one where I said I looked like Jay. It was just supposed to be a silly segment. I am so sorry, and I apologize.”

Anyway, I think she’s genuinely sorry, and, you know what, Jewish noses are funny sometimes. If Jerry Seinfeld had made that call, you would have laughed.

You’re still okay in my book, Halle.

Preggers! Preggers! Preggers!

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Ms. Halle Berry showed up at UCLA Westwood Medical Plaza to visit a sick friend on Thursday, and brought some gifts along with her.

It’s a good preggers dress, but you can still see the hint of the baby bump. That is going to be such a hot baby. Maddox Jolie-Pitt is going to be banging that baby eight ways from Sunday in fifteen years. I mean, assuming it’s a girl. If it’s a boy, we’ll let Zahara take it on. Or Shiloh, since they’re closer in age.

Oooh, what if it’s a gay boy and Maddox turns out to be gay, too?

I wonder if they’ll hyphenate this baby’s name as Berry-Aubrey. And then when Baby Berry-Aubrey has a kiddo with Baby Jolie-Pitt, the kid’ll be Baby Berry-Aubrey-Jolie-Pitt. Actually, it would be best to do it in alphabetical order, like, Baby Aubrey-Berry-Jolie-Pitt.

I admit it is possible that I need to find something else to do with my time.