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Gwyneth Paltrow

15Gwyenth Paltrow “Designed” an $845 Sweatshirt

gwyneth paltrow

Gwyneth Paltrow long ago lost her grip on reality, so it’s no surprise that she thinks spending exorbitant amounts of money on everyday things is not only acceptable but desirable. Enter the “embellished sweatshirt” she designed with Matthew Williamson and is selling on her goop website for… $845. Yes, that’s $845 for a fucking black sweatshirt you could pick up at target for $10, it just has a few ugly ass crystals sewn onto it. And that makes it worth nearly a grand, apparently.

Here’s how it’s being marketed:

Together with Matthew Williamson, we’ve made the perfect statement sweatshirt for fall. The slimfit cut (like your favorite highschool sweatshirt) in olive green cotton jersey and intricate Swarovski embellishment works with denim jeans, switching to a pencil skirt for evening.

Uh, yeah, we all had $850 sweatshirts in high school – remember that? Fuck off, lady. Here’s a look at this piece of shit:

sweatshirt

Ugh, go away.

September 21, 2013 at 12:30 pm by Jennifer
Filed Under: Gwyneth Paltrow

2Gwyneth Paltrow Wasn’t Invited Back to ‘Avengers 2′

gwyneth paltrow pepper potts

Poor Gwyneth Paltrow – she just can’t catch a break! She doesn’t understand how the sun works, she almost got hit by a bus AND she has to be friends with Courtney Love. Well, it’s now got even worse, because she hasn’t been invited back to reprise her role in The Avengers 2: Age of Ultron. Wah!

In case you forgot, Gwyneth played Pepper Potts, a pretty important character in the Iron Man franchise and one that could have easily fit into the Avengers sequel. Shit, she was SO GOOD at the role, Gwyneth even famously claimed that Pepper Potts should have her own movie! Turns out, she’s not even getting a part in this one. Way to go, Goop.

From HitFix, who asked her about the role…

“I don’t think so, no one has asked me… What is it called?

“Well, no, I don’t think so. I haven’t heard anything. My phone has not rung for Avengers 2.”

LOL, of course it hasn’t. No one wants you in that movie, girl, because you tried to make it all about you – much like everything else – when it was an ensemble piece based on how the characters worked together, not alone. Bye, girl.

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September 17, 2013 at 7:30 am by Jennifer
Filed Under: Gwyneth Paltrow

2Unlikely Best Friends Pairing: Courtney Love And Gwyneth Paltrow

courtney love gwyneth paltrow best friends

Courtney Love and Gwyneth Paltrow are BFFs. From what Ms. Love describes, they’re very close. What the f-ck do they talk about? I want to know! I want to be there. I just want to sit there and hear everything and dart my eyes side to side like I’m watching a tennis match. She gave us a wonderful glimpse of what that would be like when she spoke to New York Magazine.

NYM: Did you hear about the Gwyneth Paltrow versus Vanity Fair feud?
CL: No, what is it?

She sent an e-mail to friends saying Vanity Fair was “threatening” to put her on their cover, and asked them not to give quotes.
Gwyneth is one of my best friends. If Gwyneth says don’t do it, then fuck you, Vanity Fair! I’m going to stick up for her and be very articulate and you’re going to publish every word I say!

Okay.
If she had something she wanted to sell, or a movie or something like that, then she’d go to her publicist and say, “Let’s do Vanity Fair.” For Vanity Fair to do a write-around about Gwyneth is uncool and déclassé and boring and terrible of them. And it just shows you where Vanity Fair has fallen. They have Taylor fucking Swift on the cover getting a puppy.

HA! Does Lady Love know that Gwyneth had Taylor over for lunch or dinner or some shit at her place in London?

Love went on to describe her feelings on other people.

Katy Perry: “I’m not trying to be a bitch — she’s a nice girl. But she just bores me.”

Lady Gaga: ”She’s cool [...] I really like the natural thing [she's doing lately] — I mean, I’m sure she’ll go back to Gothic stuff. But she heard that I was going to leave [a party for V magazine] so she came to find me. It was cool — like the popular girl came to tell me not to leave lunch hour.”

Miley Cyrus: “A hillbilly.”

And one more thing about ~~Gwyneth~~:

So you guys really are pals, huh?
She’s a great mentor. Gwyneth has never, ever given up on me — even when I was on Adderall and stuff, and I love her for that.

Well, here’s the obvious question: if they’re such BFF, why did Courtney know about the Vanity Fair email?

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September 12, 2013 at 4:30 am by Catherine St. Ives

4Gwyneth Paltrow Almost Got Hit By A Bus

gwyneth paltrow instagram bikini

Gwyneth Paltrow almost got herself and daughter Apple in a serious car accident when she darted in front of a school bus while on a Vespa. Yeah, a freakin’ Vespa. Driving a Vespa in L.A. is not a very smart move. It’s not a Vespa friendly city. In L.A. we lose our f-cking minds over people riding bikes in a major street.

TMZ got video of the incident. Husband Chris Martin drove their son Moses on his own respective Vespa and isn’t that much better at driving, but was a lot better at checking traffic before merging.

September 9, 2013 at 5:30 pm by Catherine St. Ives
Filed Under: Gwyneth Paltrow

3Gwyneth Paltrow Doesn’t Really Understand How the Sun Works

gwyneth paltrow

It’s been a while since we’ve written about deer Goopy here on EB, but sometimes Gwyneth Paltrow does such colossally stupid shit that it must be acknowledged. And so she has again, saying in an interview that she doesn’t believe the sun can do you any harm because it’s “natural“. Uhhhh… no. Let’s let her have her say first, shall we?

From Cosmopolitan:

“We’re human beings and the sun is the sun – how can it be bad for you? I don’t think anything that is natural can be bad for you.”

What an astute observation, Gwyn. Yes, we ARE indeed human beings, and in fact, the sun is the sun! Well said! But here are a list of other things that are “natural” and also still really bad for you if you aren’t careful: petroleum, volcanic lava, icebergs, poisonous mushrooms, rattlesnakes… need I go on? It’s absolutely fucking idiotic to say that because something occurs in nature that it can’t possibly pose a threat to you if you don’t deal with it responsibly. The sun can’t harm you? Okay, tell that to the millions of people who get skin cancer from over-exposure.

I get that Gwyneth’s money allows her to walk through life with an incredible amount of ignorance, but holy shit, lady. Get the silver spoon out of your mouth for about five seconds to read some ACTUAL scientific studies on the harmful effects of UV rays. Yes, sun is wonderful for us and gives us serious doses of Vitamin D, which is lacking for a lot of us, but you also need to WEAR SUNSCREEN and not overdo it with the burning and tanning.

Christ almighty, this idiotic woman.

July 5, 2013 at 10:30 am by Jennifer
Filed Under: Gwyneth Paltrow

2Who Is The Fairest Of Them All: Julia Roberts Or Gwyneth Paltrow?

julia roberts with gwyneth paltrow

I guess my 1990′s time machine worked, because apparently Julia Roberts is mad at Gwyneth Paltrow for “winning” People‘s Most Beautiful Woman title. I can’t even get into how untrue this story is, but let’s pretend it is. Let’s pretend it’s 1998 and this stuff matters, and Julia Roberts cares and we care about Julia Roberts. From National Enquirer:

A source says Julia, 45, exploded when “People” magazine named Gwyneth, 40, its “Most Beautiful Woman” – and the “Pretty Woman” is plotting to kick the “Iron Man” babe to the curb.

“Julia’s won the magazine’s ‘Most Beautiful Woman’ title four times,” a source told The ENQUIRER.

“The last time was in 2010, and even though it was highly unlikely she’d be chosen again so soon, Julia got the shock of her life when Gwyneth got the nod. She thought a twenty-something actress like Jennifer Lawrence, not someone in her age group, would get it.”

We all want to believe that Hollywood is just like Mean Girls, don’t we? Seriously though, how f-cking archaic and stupid is it that People still does this Most Beautiful Woman thing?

For what it’s worth, I had a hard time finding a photo of the two of these ladies together. And when I did, it was the same one that appeared everywhere.

Anyway, this is the real winner right here:

charlize theron snow white

June 21, 2013 at 5:30 am by Catherine St. Ives