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Gwyneth Paltrow

3Gwyneth Paltrow’s beauty advice: ‘Be a girl; deal with products.’

gwyneth paltrow

Gwyneth Paltrow fancies herself a lifestyle guru and thinks she’s got all the answers to the woes of the privileged class, so it’s no surprise that she’s got plenty to say when it comes to beauty advice and how you should care for your skin. She’s 41 now, so apparently that’s time to “deal with products”… you know, “like a girl”? I’m not really getting her correlation there (well, I am, but I don’t like it), but here’s her actual rundown of her own routine – which you, of course, should follow.

From People:

“I try to always cleanse my skin and moisturize at night. I’ve gotten a lot better at it,” she tells PEOPLE. “I used to just wash my face with a wash cloth and water. But now I’m 41, so I need to be a girl and deal with products and put them on and stuff. I still think a hot wash cloth is a really good exfoliator, and I still use it. But I put a cleanser on first. Exfoliation is super important. A hot wash cloth and good scrub.”

So, you know… basic, normal stuff like washing your face and moisturizing it, which I should add a lot of men do as well as women. Also, eureka! A hot washcloth! Who knew it had such magical anti-aging properties?! I’m rolling my eyes. I’m just surprised no mention of Botox made its way into the advice given… Or are we supposed to believe it’s as natural as Kim K’s ass?

This “advice” comes on the heels of her joining up with luxury skincare brand Restorsea to sell you expensive ass creams for your face just because she says they’re good. Greaaaaat. You can get some special 3-piece set on the Goop site for like, $150 or something (which is apparently a $170 savings – yipee!).

Again, I should state her that I have NO PROBLEM with whatever cosmetic procedures people want to have done. You want new boobs? Great, get ‘em! Want to shoot your face up with botulism to look like a newborn? Knock yourself out! But just BE HONEST ABOUT IT.

Also, Gwyneth Paltrow is the worst, the end.

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March 21, 2014 at 9:30 am by Jennifer
Filed Under: Gwyneth Paltrow

3OMG — Gwyneth Paltrow Let Her Kids Eat Hot Dogs From A Food Truck


Gwyneth Paltrow did something incredible, guys. Get ready to drop your monocle in your tea cup and shriek, because Gwyneth Paltrow let her family eat street meat. I’m talking about food trucks. Specifically, hot dogs. Gwyneth I Eat Air For Lunch Paltrow let her family, husband Chris Martin and children Moses and Apple, eat real food. Obviously you can understand why this is a huge story.

From Daily Mail:

The foursome headed out on foot to take in the monthly extravaganza known as First Fridays on Abbot Kinney Boulevard, which sees every kind of food truck imaginable line the jam-packed street.

While the family are known for their strict diet, with the 41-year-old actress a long-time devotee of the macrobiotic diet while her Coldplay frontman husband is a vegetarian, they clearly decided they deserved a night off, as they were spotted enjoying a fast-food meal from the Dogtown Dogs truck.

Serving just a limited selection of hot dogs and tater tots, it’s a processed food-phobic’s nightmare.

Not that the Iron Man star seemed to mind in the slightest, appearing in good spirits as she enjoyed her family outing with her brood.

I’m doubting she actually ate anything, otherwise how could she fit into ensembles like these?

Hey, look, we kid because we love. We love how crazy Gwyneth is.

What’s YOUR favorite food truck food? I like grilled cheese trucks. I’ve yet to see one, but I hear they exist.

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March 13, 2014 at 1:30 pm by Catherine St. Ives
Filed Under: Gwyneth Paltrow

0Apparently that ‘Vanity Fair’ Takedown of Gwyneth Paltrow Was Never Real

gwyneth paltrow

Graydon Carter is kind of a wuss, if you ask me. Vanity Fair had a whole long takedown of Gwyneth Paltrow planned for the magazine, and it was gonna be pretty intense and shocking and REALLY damaging to ole Goopy’s career, apparently. Then Gwyn fired back and the whole thing got canned, for some unknown reason and now Graydon, Vanity Fair‘s Editor-in-Chief, is saying that the whole thing was blown out of proportion and was never going to happen. Apparently the piece was more about the “love/hate phenomenon” surrounding her and not a piece about how fucking insufferable she is (not to mention that supposed affair).

In a new letter posted on VF’s website, Graydon said he was intrigued by the fact that she was named People’s “World’s Most Beautiful Woman” and Star’s “Most Hated Celebrity” in the same week and wanted to explore that a bit. Apparently the men in the office were shocked that people hated Goopy, but the women thought it was totally right. Graydon himself found her sort of obnoxious, but he assigned the story to Vanessa Grigoriadis, who went out into the world to research Goop and her life.

It was one of probably a half-dozen stories we ordered up that week, and once the assignment was made, I didn’t think too much more about it, inasmuch as it wasn’t due in until the end of the summer. Vanessa began making the rounds, talking to people in and out of Hollywood in an effort to get some understanding of the Paltrow phenomenon. And then she reached out to representatives of Gwyneth’s and then to Gwyneth’s friends.

Well, this just released a whole mess of furies. Paltrow sent out a mass e-mail to her show-business friends saying that the magazine was going “tabloid” following our coverage of Tom Cruise’s search for the perfect Scientology wife, and Brad Pitt’s search for the perfect action-film franchise. “Vanity Fair is threatening to put me on the cover of their magazine without my participation,” she said. “I recommend you all never do this magazine again.” She asked that they not speak to Vanity Fair about her, or about anything else ever again. Ever. Never. Kim Jong-un couldn’t have issued a more blanket demand. In due time, the e-mail made its way onto the New York Post’s “Page Six.” An actress throwing a hissy fit is hardly news. But the extreme ferocity of Paltrow’s outrage set off alarm bells throughout the dark regions of the celebrity-mining industry. The overall theory: she must have something to hide.

Long story somewhat short: the story that was turned in was apparently fair and balanced, but because of the hoopla surrounding it, Graydon decided to sit on it for a while and let things die down. Then Gwyneth called him and they talked things out – and she also asked how to get people to like her (LOL), which is kinda sad. Graydon hasn’t denied that they did indeed discover “bombshells” about her life, but he also said he doesn’t want to publish them at this time, for whatever reason.

The fact is the Gwyneth Paltrow story, the one we ordered up, delightfully written as it was, is not the one the anti-Gwynethites expect. That it has generated more mail and attention than many of the biggest stories we’ve ever published only makes the situation more complicated. The thing of it is, we really don’t publish “epic,” out-of-the-blue “takedowns” of individual public figures, unless they are in heated conflict with another public figure or unless their positions and their actions have a grievous effect on the lives of others. We’ll save our gunpowder for bigger stories. And so, sorry as we are to disappoint all those many people out there, for the time being we’ll leave it to another publication to roll out the “epic bombshells” surrounding Gwyneth Paltrow. It’s a story I might read. I just don’t want to publish it.

Fair enough, but I don’t for one second believe that this was as simple as just a truce. There was a reason he – and Vanity Fair at large – wanted to publish this story to begin with. For whatever reason, they decided against it, whether from threat of a legal action, someone calling in a favour, whatever. That’s all fine and well, but I was really looking forward to something juicy there.

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February 19, 2014 at 3:30 pm by Jennifer
Filed Under: Gwyneth Paltrow

4Gwyneth Paltrow Shows Off Her Boobs


Gwyneth Paltrow wore a very low cut jumpsuit to “Diane Von Furstenberg’s Journey Of A Dress” exhibition’s opening celebration at LACMA. I’m all for boob pride — boobs of all sizes — but does something look kind of off about them? Like…dented? I’m just trying to figure out what’s going on. It’s probably just some bad body makeup or something. She also looks skinny as all hell, but that’s nothing new for Miss P.

Check out more pics below. What do you guys think of this look?

Be nice, or her mom will find youeven though Gwyneth claims she doesn’t care about other peoples’ opinions.

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January 11, 2014 at 4:00 pm by Catherine St. Ives

0Gwyneth Paltrow Needed Her Mommy to Stick Up For Her Against the Meanies

gwyneth paltrow blythe danner

Gwyneth Paltrow has a lot of people who really don’t like her – and can you blame them? She’s insufferable. She constantly makes the classic rookie mistake of going on and on about how little she cares about what everyone thinks about her when someone who really didn’t care wouldn’t even bother talking about it. She thinks people can afford (and will actually purchase) a $185 backpack. I mean, that’s really the tip of the iceberg with her offenses, but suffice it to say, she’s kinda the worse.

However, now her mommy, the lovely and far less insufferable Blythe Danner, has come to her defense and claimed that anyone who doesn’t like her dear daughter must just be bored.

From Naughty But Nice Rob:

“I admire her so much. It (the criticism) doesn’t faze her. I think it probably did initially. She said, ‘Mom, I’m going to get this all my life. This is how they see me.’ I feel she’s just extraordinarily accomplished in every area and people don’t like that, some people don’t like that, people who are bored and sit on their asses all day and just tap away. I mean I don’t read any of it, I just find it so disgusting. There is a coarsening of our culture today that is just so tragic.”

That’s lovely and all, but eh… when you’re a public figure and you go on and on about how fantastic you are, you open yourself up for ridicule and criticism. Gwyneth judges everyone else’s lifestyle all the fucking time. Why can’t normal people – who, by the way, AREN’T FILTHY RICH WITH NOTHING REALLY TO COMPLAIN ABOUT – have something to say about her bullshit? Whatever. I do think Internet trolls and the media can go too far in what they say (One Direction death threats, GaGa fans telling people to die and get AIDS, etc) but I hate that we’re getting so hyper-sensitive that to criticise something automatically makes you a “hater”. We’re turning into a society where everyone has to like everything if they don’t want to be labeled a meanie. Fuuuuuuck that.

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November 29, 2013 at 6:53 am by Jennifer
Filed Under: Gwyneth Paltrow

0Gwyneth Paltrow Doesn’t Give a Shit What You Think

gwyneth paltrow

Gwyneth Paltrow is a total bitch… and she loves it! You see, so many people seem to have an opinion on her and thoughts on what a hot mess she is in every sense, but you know what? Too bad. She can’t hear you over the sound of her millions of dollars in bills being stacked and counted, so you can say whatever you want.

From Red:

“The older I get, I realize it doesn’t matter what people who don’t know you think. It doesn’t matter.

“If your partner comes to you, or your best friend, and says, ‘Listen, I want to talk about something you did that hurt me or I think you could improve’, sit down and listen to what they have to say. But some friend of so-and-sos, it’s like, who gives a shit?

“That’s why I really don’t read anything. Because if it’s important, it filters down to me.”

Oh Gwyneth, you’re so wise. In a way, I’m not even being flippant about that – it’s true that you need to not spend time thinking about what people who don’t even know you have to say. You all come on here all the time telling me I want to suck Justin Bieber’s dick and I’m a Feminazi and shit and I guarantee you I’m not losing sleep over it, but some people would! The only people whose opinions should matter on anything you’re doing in life are those that are actually in it, so I think she’s onto something.

Then again, she might just be saying this since Vanity Fair is about to have that ass over her secret affair with Jeff Soffer. She says they were just friends, but methinks she doth protest too much since she’s always in the press talking about how cheating is forgivable and she “knows plenty of people” who have had affairs. Girl, sit down.

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November 1, 2013 at 6:30 am by Jennifer
Filed Under: Gwyneth Paltrow