Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Gwyneth Paltrow

Gwyneth Paltrow goes Madonna, Audrey Hepburn for Max Factor campaign

gwyneth paltrow madonna max factor

Gwyneth Paltrow is a hot ass mess, and something she just cannot do – besides get the stick out of her ass – is “let loose”. I literally cannot imagine the woman not in pressed linen pants or, say, eating a large pepperoni pizza in pyjamas that are stained sort of a weird purple colour because she accidentally put them in the wash with the darker stuff. She’s just not capable of it, and that’s why her new Max Factor campaign is a massive fail.

For the ads, which are part of Max Factor’s 100 years of Glamour anniversary/Modern Icon campaign, Goopy dresses up like four beauty icons: Madonna, Farrah Fawcett, Audrey Hepburn and Brigitte Bardot. She carries off exactly none of them.

gwyneth paltrow brigitte bardot max factor

See what I mean? I know that Max Factor as a brand wants to convey a certain level of glamour and seriousness – especially since they aren’t exactly marketing to the teen crowd – but like… why? Why Gwyneth Paltrow as the face of your brand at all, really? I would lay $100 bet on the fact that she’s never touched an item of their makeup (other than, say, for photoshoots) and would turn her nose up at drugstore beauty purchases. After all, they’re not organic and don’t contain ingredients that were milked from the teats of forest squirrels or whatever she’s into. It’s just not believable.

gwyneth paltrow audrey hepburn max factor

What do you think?

gwyneth paltrow farrah fawcett max factor

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Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin are about to consciously re-couple

gwyneth paltrow chris martin

Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin decided to “consciously uncouple” from their nearly decade-long marriage just a few short months ago, and while there were rumours of cheating on both sides, the pair have remained pretty close. So close, in fact, that it seems like they may just give their relationship another shot.

From Radar Online:

“Chris still lives with her, they are amazingly lovey-dovey together and she still wears her wedding ring,” a source tells the paper of the pair, who share a $14 million Malibu mansion.  “They may have consciously uncoupled a few months ago – but they seem to be recoupling now. No one will be surprised if they get back together.”

Friends say the break-up actually allowed the pair to breathe a little, and enjoy each other’s company without expectations.

“It’s true they had problems but in the weirdest way this ‘conscious uncoupling’ situation has relieved the pressure on them,” explains the insider.

Well, that’s that, I suppose. Given the sound of Coldplay‘s new album, Chris was having some major emo drama over their split, so it’s not really all that surprising. That, combined with Gwyneth’s terror over tarnishing her pristine (as she sees it) reputation, means this is a reunion that’s most likely on.

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Gwyneth Paltrow thinks internet comments are like being in a real life war

gwyneth paltrow recode

Gwyneth Paltrow is not the sharpest tool in the shed, nor does she have much of a connection to reality as the rest of us know it. It’s hilarious, really – or rather, you have to laugh to keep from crying because it’s so insane that a woman who sees herself as so enlightened can walk around living in such ignorance. Her latest foray into the land of “HUH?” is the fact that she compared people making mean comments about her on the internet to… being in a real live war where you can be killed and your entire life can be destroyed, as well as the lives of those you love. LOL, okay, let’s go with this then.

From TMZ:

Shortly before her appearance at the Code tech conference this week, Paltrow said, “You come across [comments] about yourself and about your friends, and it’s a very dehumanizing thing. It’s almost like how, in war, you go through this bloody, dehumanizing thing, and then something is defined out of it.”

Paltrow — whose most recent life struggle was probably a scuffed nail — added, “My hope is, as we get out of it, we’ll reach the next level of conscience.”

Paltrow added, “It’s taken me a long time to get to the point where I can see these things and not take it as a personal affront and a hurt. I see myself as a chalkboard or a whiteboard or a screen, and someone is just putting up their own projection on it.”

Of course, actual veterans aren’t really pleased with this whole comparison, and she’s managed to piss off/alienate a whole lot of people yet again with her bullshit.

Cindy McCain — the wife of John McCain (an actual veteran) — has already torn Paltrow to shreds on Twitter, writing, “Gweneth Paltrow [sic] is a joke … Perhaps Gweneth Paltrow should go out on patrol with some soldiers. Kind of like a Red Carpet in her mind I guess!”

And other veterans agree — a rep for Veterans for Peace tells TMZ, “She doesn’t understand what it means to be in real danger … Not someone talking to you on the Internet, but actually having bullets shot at you.”

The rep adds, “I’ve gone to war and had that kind of fear. She’s not in a situation where she can compare the two. She hasn’t had to fear for her life and not know whether she’d make it home.”

I really fear for this woman’s children and can only hope they get out early enough not to be eternally damaged by their mother’s idiocy. It’s sort of sad that she’s been through so little in her life that people saying what an idiot she is online has caused her severe stress in life. If that’s the worst of her problems, I’d say she’s pretty damn lucky, wouldn’t you?

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Is Gwyneth Paltrow trying to steal Kate Mara’s boyfriend?

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Oh shit, cougar on the prowl! Gwyneth Paltrow is now “consciously uncoupled” from Chris Martin, which means she’s looking for a new man and has apparently set her sights on Kate Mara‘s longtime boyfriend, 28-year-old Max Minghella.

From Radar Online:

After her split from husband Chris Martin, the Goop goddess, 41, has reconnected with an old friend, The Social Network star Max Minghella, 28, a source revealed.

But Minghella, who has dated House of Cards beauty Kate Mara, 31, on and off for four years, is still firmly on Mara’s arms.

Now-unattached mom-of-two Paltrow, however, “jokes that she wants to adopt Max,” the source added.

Minghella, who, like Martin, is British, is the son of Paltrow’s late friend Anthony Minghella, who directed her in The Talented Mr. Ripley.

Lately, Paltrow “has allowed Max to use her ritzy Los Angeles house when she’s not staying there, as he usually lives modestly in Hollywood.”

Well, that sounds… weird. Does Max not have a house in LA? Would he not stay with Kate Mara? It’s all bizarre, but I doubt this will turn into anything. Gwyneth needs to chillax a bit, though. Call that dude you were kissing at that baseball game, girl!

This is Max, by the way:

max minghella

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Gwyneth Paltrow remains ignorant of the “Mommy Wars”

gwyneth paltrow

I’m not sure who’s more clueless about the real world: Kim Kardashian with her “Oops, I didn’t realize racism was a thing!” bullshit or Gwyneth Paltrow and her “Acting is so much harder than a 9 – 5 day job!” fuckery. Both of them are idiotic, to be sure, but the most offensive thing about their bullshit is the fact that they actually think they’re changing the world by spouting off nonsense.

Yes, Gwyneth actually implied (on several occasions, at that) that being an actress is super duper hard, and that in some other walk of life, she kinda wishes she worked a regular day job because it’s SO much easier than getting paid millions to shoot some scenes once a year. Since people basically called her out for being stupid, she decided to do the only thing there is TO do: Write a blog post on the Goop website about how she’s “ending the Mommy Wars” by… not actually doing anything.

A few weeks ago during an interview, I was asked why I have only worked on one film a year since having children. My answer was this: Film work takes one away from home and requires 12-14 hours a day, making it difficult to be the one to make the kids their lunch, drive them to school, and put them to bed. So I have found it easier on my family life to make a film the exception, and my 9-5 job the rule. This somehow was taken to mean I had said a 9-5 job is easier, and a lot of heat was thrown my way, especially by other working mothers who somehow used my out-of-context quote as an opportunity to express feelings (perhaps projected) on the subject. As the mommy wars rage on, I am constantly perplexed and amazed by how little slack we cut each other as women. We see disapproval in the eyes of other mothers when we say how long we breastfed (Too long? Not long enough?), or whether we have decided to go back to work versus stay home. Is it not hard enough to attempt to raise children thoughtfully, while contributing something, or bringing home some (or more) of the bacon? Why do we feel so entitled to opine, often so negatively, on the choices of other women? Perhaps because there is so much pressure to do it all, and do it all well all at the same time (impossible). Below is a somewhat radical piece by Brigid Schulte, which has provoked many a discussion here in our HQ, and even a tear or two.

Yeah, I get that the press can twist your words and make a big deal out of nothing. However, I also get that Gwyneth Paltrow is a privileged and entitled woman with no concept of how the real world actually exists, so sorry, homegirl, I’m not buying what you’re selling.

Gwyneth Paltrow enjoys vitamin IV drips

gwyneth paltrow

While everyone who’s anyone was busy skipping about in haute couture at the Met Ball on Monday, Gwyneth Paltrow kept herself to herself in California, getting vitamin IV drips at a beachside clinic which seems kinda like a cult, but whatever.

From Radar Online:

The 41-year-old blonde beauty was spotted in a beachside office getting a vitamin IV drip, the virtues of which she has extolled since her “conscious uncoupling” announcement.

Paltrow is the head cheerleader for Dr. Habib Sadeghi, whom she says gives her “an intravenous therapy full of vitamins, which is incredible” at his “Be Hive of Healing.”

An eyewitness told Radar that they spotted Chris Martin’s soon-to-be-ex on Monday in sunny SoCal getting an IV treatment in mid-afternoon while her friends like Reese Witherspoon and Stella McCartney were walking the red carpet at Vogue’s annual MET Gala Ball.

“She had the IV in her arm,” the spy revealed to Radar.

“The lymphatic massage treatment helps with jet lag, too: they wrap you in a blanket and you sweat out impurities,” Paltrow previously said of the treatment.

I don’t think Gwyneth Paltrow really understands how the human body works, but I suppose large amounts of money really can shield you from the realities of biology.

In any case, there’s no love lost between ol’ Goopy and the Met Ball – don’t forget she was there last year and thought it really sucked and vowed never to go back.  It’s just a shame those vitamin IV drips can’t instill her with a bit of common sense.

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Gwyneth Paltrow’s online yard sale crashed GOOP

gwyneth paltrow

Gwyneth Paltrow is so rich and has so many pretty things – far too many to actually use. So what’s a girl to do? Throw an online yard sale over at GOOP where you can hawk all your old shit (and stuff from celeb buddies Kate Hudson, Beyoncé and Nicole Richie, to name a few) and then donate the proceeds to charity?

“Last year, we did a big story on closet organization, and in the process, sold a handful of pieces on behalf of three charities. It was such a success that we decided to do it again, and enlisted some friends-of-Goop, who have particularly outstanding personal style, to help this year.”

“100 percent of the profits benefit DonorsChoose, a charity where public school teachers can ask directly for help fulfilling specific classroom needs.”

I mean, look – the layman is not going to be able to afford any of this shit. Most stuff is sold out by now, but the prices of the items range into the THOUSANDS of dollars. However, I do think this is a great idea, and any money going to charity for any reason is a good thing, so no shade here.  I just hope this money doesn’t secretly go towards paying off GOOP debts!

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