Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Gwyneth Paltrow

Gwyneth Paltrow released a new statement about her divorce

gwyneth paltrow chris martin

Gwyneth Paltrow announced her split from Chris Martin less than a week ago via the GOOP website, as you do, and while she may have packed up the kids and hightailed it to the Bahamas to avoid the press, it seems like she’s not really trying all that hard to veer away from discussion of the topic of her “conscious uncoupling”, as she’s released a new statement, of sorts, thanking everybody for giving a shit.

In a “PS” to the intro of the new GOOP newsletter (OF COURSE), she simply wrote:

P.S. CM and I in deep gratitude for the support of so many. ?

The cluelessness of this woman is hilarious. “CM” – because we’re all on a really close and intimate relationship with them both. The fact that it’s a PS? That she added a heart emoticon? “Deep gratitude”? Lord almighty. When will this nation’s Gwyneth Paltrow nightmare finally be over?

Side note: I read this piece in The Telegraph this morning from a reporter who hated “GP”, if you will, and then interviewed her and thought she was super warm and lovely and now insists that we’ve all got her wrong. I’m gonna pass on that opinion, but it’s worth a read!

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Cameron Diaz is proud of Gwyneth Paltrow for getting divorced

gwyneth paltrow cameron diaz

Cameron Diaz does NOT seem like friendship material for high strung Gwyneth Paltrow, but apparently they’re pretty close. While many would honour the sacred bonds of friendship by keeping their trap shut when it comes to publicly commenting on one another’s personal life choices, it seems Cameron decided to take the opposite route and offer her thoughts on Gwyneth’s split from husband Chris Martin.

“I think it’s actually a very elevated and conscious [decision] and realized statement — when people like Chris and Gwyneth who really worked hard to be friends and keep the things that are good and work in their relationship, which is being friends and being parents.”

“People go separate ways in other aspects of their life and I think it’s really brave of them to phrase it that way. Leaving as a couple and deciding to stay together as parents and as friends — I think it’s beautiful. I’m so proud of them.”

Cameron actually really cracks me up – this is the same person who thinks you can’t have a relationship without being cheated on or cheating yourself, so of course she’s supportive of this bullshit. She thinks she’s on a whole other plane of human understanding, which… LOL.

As for Gwyn & Chris’s divorce being an “elevated” decision, maybe so. Or maybe they simply couldn’t stand each other anymore and it was literally the only option. People get divorced ALL the time, and there’s no higher level thinking involved. Shit just doesn’t work out sometimes… but I bet Gwyneth subscribes to Cameron’s mode of thinking, anyway – I mean, don’t forget, they called their split announcement “conscious uncoupling”. What kinda bullshit?

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Gwyneth Paltrow kissed her ex-boyfriend before she announced her split from Chris Martin

chris martin gwyneth paltrow

Yup, this is a thing we’re doing now. We’re all pretty sure that Gwyneth Paltrow is a serial cheater (girllll, did you HEAR about that Whisper drama?), but now that her split from Chris Martin is official, we’re going to start scouring the archives for any scrap of evidence that might support our theory that ol’ Goopy couldn’t keep it in her pants. It’s sort of sad and more than sort of dumb, but here we are.

The newest ¡Escandalo! is apparently that Gwyn was pictured kissing her ex-boyfriend, Donovan Leitch, at a Dodgers game in broad daylight last September, six months before she split from Chris. Here’s the bullshit in question:

gwyneth paltrow donovan leitch

I’m no rocket scientist, but that hardly looks like romance to me. First of all, rich people do weird shit like kissing on the lips when they’re just friends, right? Like, I feel like that’s not a weird thing at all, when it comes to celebrities. Also, Donovan and Gwyneth dated in the early ’90s, before she even got with Brad Pitt, so their history is ancient as shit. Thirdly, he’s not even one of of the names on the list of dudes Gwyn apparently cheated on Chris Martin with, so whatever.

Can we not let this whole thing go? Like, is this what we’re reduced to now – scouring the paparazzi archives to see if we can find her even standing next to another man she might have cheated with? It’s gonna be a long 2014, if that’s the case.

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Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin’s marriage is over!

Gwyneth Paltrow, Chris Martin

Well, we sorta knew it was coming, didn’t we? Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin have always seemed like a bizarre pair, but hey, opposites attract. However, after ongoing reporters regarding Goopy’s infidelity and God knows what else, it seems they’re finally finalized it’s just not going to work out and have decided to split.

Gwyneth announced the news on the GOOP website today:

“It is with hearts full of sadness that we have decided to separate. We have been working hard for well over a year, some of it together, some of it separated, to see what might have been possible between us, and we have come to the conclusion that while we love each other very much we will remain separate.”

“We are, however, and always will be a family, and in many ways we are closer than we have ever been. We are parents first and foremost, to two incredibly wonderful children and we ask for their and our space and privacy to be respected at this difficult time. We have always conducted our relationship privately, and we hope that as we consciously uncouple and coparent, we will be able to continue in the same manner.”

Well, that’s that, I guess. Can’t say I’m surprised!

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Gwyneth Paltrow’s beauty advice: ‘Be a girl; deal with products.’

gwyneth paltrow

Gwyneth Paltrow fancies herself a lifestyle guru and thinks she’s got all the answers to the woes of the privileged class, so it’s no surprise that she’s got plenty to say when it comes to beauty advice and how you should care for your skin. She’s 41 now, so apparently that’s time to “deal with products”… you know, “like a girl”? I’m not really getting her correlation there (well, I am, but I don’t like it), but here’s her actual rundown of her own routine – which you, of course, should follow.

From People:

“I try to always cleanse my skin and moisturize at night. I’ve gotten a lot better at it,” she tells PEOPLE. “I used to just wash my face with a wash cloth and water. But now I’m 41, so I need to be a girl and deal with products and put them on and stuff. I still think a hot wash cloth is a really good exfoliator, and I still use it. But I put a cleanser on first. Exfoliation is super important. A hot wash cloth and good scrub.”

So, you know… basic, normal stuff like washing your face and moisturizing it, which I should add a lot of men do as well as women. Also, eureka! A hot washcloth! Who knew it had such magical anti-aging properties?! I’m rolling my eyes. I’m just surprised no mention of Botox made its way into the advice given… Or are we supposed to believe it’s as natural as Kim K’s ass?

This “advice” comes on the heels of her joining up with luxury skincare brand Restorsea to sell you expensive ass creams for your face just because she says they’re good. Greaaaaat. You can get some special 3-piece set on the Goop site for like, $150 or something (which is apparently a $170 savings – yipee!).

Again, I should state her that I have NO PROBLEM with whatever cosmetic procedures people want to have done. You want new boobs? Great, get ‘em! Want to shoot your face up with botulism to look like a newborn? Knock yourself out! But just BE HONEST ABOUT IT.

Also, Gwyneth Paltrow is the worst, the end.

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OMG — Gwyneth Paltrow Let Her Kids Eat Hot Dogs From A Food Truck

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Gwyneth Paltrow did something incredible, guys. Get ready to drop your monocle in your tea cup and shriek, because Gwyneth Paltrow let her family eat street meat. I’m talking about food trucks. Specifically, hot dogs. Gwyneth I Eat Air For Lunch Paltrow let her family, husband Chris Martin and children Moses and Apple, eat real food. Obviously you can understand why this is a huge story.

From Daily Mail:

The foursome headed out on foot to take in the monthly extravaganza known as First Fridays on Abbot Kinney Boulevard, which sees every kind of food truck imaginable line the jam-packed street.

While the family are known for their strict diet, with the 41-year-old actress a long-time devotee of the macrobiotic diet while her Coldplay frontman husband is a vegetarian, they clearly decided they deserved a night off, as they were spotted enjoying a fast-food meal from the Dogtown Dogs truck.

Serving just a limited selection of hot dogs and tater tots, it’s a processed food-phobic’s nightmare.

Not that the Iron Man star seemed to mind in the slightest, appearing in good spirits as she enjoyed her family outing with her brood.

I’m doubting she actually ate anything, otherwise how could she fit into ensembles like these?

Hey, look, we kid because we love. We love how crazy Gwyneth is.

What’s YOUR favorite food truck food? I like grilled cheese trucks. I’ve yet to see one, but I hear they exist.

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Apparently that ‘Vanity Fair’ Takedown of Gwyneth Paltrow Was Never Real

gwyneth paltrow

Graydon Carter is kind of a wuss, if you ask me. Vanity Fair had a whole long takedown of Gwyneth Paltrow planned for the magazine, and it was gonna be pretty intense and shocking and REALLY damaging to ole Goopy’s career, apparently. Then Gwyn fired back and the whole thing got canned, for some unknown reason and now Graydon, Vanity Fair‘s Editor-in-Chief, is saying that the whole thing was blown out of proportion and was never going to happen. Apparently the piece was more about the “love/hate phenomenon” surrounding her and not a piece about how fucking insufferable she is (not to mention that supposed affair).

In a new letter posted on VF’s website, Graydon said he was intrigued by the fact that she was named People’s “World’s Most Beautiful Woman” and Star’s “Most Hated Celebrity” in the same week and wanted to explore that a bit. Apparently the men in the office were shocked that people hated Goopy, but the women thought it was totally right. Graydon himself found her sort of obnoxious, but he assigned the story to Vanessa Grigoriadis, who went out into the world to research Goop and her life.

It was one of probably a half-dozen stories we ordered up that week, and once the assignment was made, I didn’t think too much more about it, inasmuch as it wasn’t due in until the end of the summer. Vanessa began making the rounds, talking to people in and out of Hollywood in an effort to get some understanding of the Paltrow phenomenon. And then she reached out to representatives of Gwyneth’s and then to Gwyneth’s friends.

Well, this just released a whole mess of furies. Paltrow sent out a mass e-mail to her show-business friends saying that the magazine was going “tabloid” following our coverage of Tom Cruise’s search for the perfect Scientology wife, and Brad Pitt’s search for the perfect action-film franchise. “Vanity Fair is threatening to put me on the cover of their magazine without my participation,” she said. “I recommend you all never do this magazine again.” She asked that they not speak to Vanity Fair about her, or about anything else ever again. Ever. Never. Kim Jong-un couldn’t have issued a more blanket demand. In due time, the e-mail made its way onto the New York Post’s “Page Six.” An actress throwing a hissy fit is hardly news. But the extreme ferocity of Paltrow’s outrage set off alarm bells throughout the dark regions of the celebrity-mining industry. The overall theory: she must have something to hide.

Long story somewhat short: the story that was turned in was apparently fair and balanced, but because of the hoopla surrounding it, Graydon decided to sit on it for a while and let things die down. Then Gwyneth called him and they talked things out – and she also asked how to get people to like her (LOL), which is kinda sad. Graydon hasn’t denied that they did indeed discover “bombshells” about her life, but he also said he doesn’t want to publish them at this time, for whatever reason.

The fact is the Gwyneth Paltrow story, the one we ordered up, delightfully written as it was, is not the one the anti-Gwynethites expect. That it has generated more mail and attention than many of the biggest stories we’ve ever published only makes the situation more complicated. The thing of it is, we really don’t publish “epic,” out-of-the-blue “takedowns” of individual public figures, unless they are in heated conflict with another public figure or unless their positions and their actions have a grievous effect on the lives of others. We’ll save our gunpowder for bigger stories. And so, sorry as we are to disappoint all those many people out there, for the time being we’ll leave it to another publication to roll out the “epic bombshells” surrounding Gwyneth Paltrow. It’s a story I might read. I just don’t want to publish it.

Fair enough, but I don’t for one second believe that this was as simple as just a truce. There was a reason he – and Vanity Fair at large – wanted to publish this story to begin with. For whatever reason, they decided against it, whether from threat of a legal action, someone calling in a favour, whatever. That’s all fine and well, but I was really looking forward to something juicy there.

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