Today's Evil Beet Gossip
George Lopez

George Lopez quit drinking after his public intoxication arrest

george lopez

It’s clear that George Lopez can’t handle his liquor. He had one too many (or a few, who can say?) and was arrested for public intoxication while at the Caesars Windsor in Canada last month. Video was even released of him lying unconscious that night, so it was just an all-around not very good situation.

Thankfully, George seems to have taken the mature adult stance on this one, and says he’s quit drinking since the incident – something he revealed in a new interview on The Ellen DeGeneres Show.

“[The police were] very polite. They told me, they said, ‘Sir, this behavior cannot continue and if it does continue we would be honored if you would be mayor of Toronto.”

“You know, I was on my way to my room – I just missed it by 35 floors. And, the casino carpet is so loud. I’m like, how the hell can I sleep on that carpet?”

“Since then I have not had a drop of alcohol. That was a nice going-away party for that guy and then I’m the new George now sitting here in front of you.”

I don’t care for George Lopez much as an entertainer, but it’s certainly worth respecting that he’s taken a step back after this situation rather than going down an insane spiral of alcoholism. I mean, who knows – he could be doing so privately and just saying he quit, but let’s give him the benefit of the doubt here.

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George Lopez Spoofs Schwarzenegger Mistress, Remains Unfunny

Hey, look, another George Lopez ‘I’m not funny’ moment! How surprising!

In this particular segment of Lopez Tonight, George takes a swipe at Mildred Baena, Arnold Schwarzenegger’s most recent baby mama (and former housekeeper). Baena was identified earlier in the month as being the mother to a child that she and Schwarzenegger had out of wedlock, and while he was married to Maria Shriver. I’m sure you all know that, but in the off-chance that one of you happened to be hanging out under a rock with Arnold’s illegitimate kid for the last ten years or so, there it is.

Lopez, who I long thought to be kind of rude (I know, someone even ruder than me, who would have thought) has definitely crossed the line in this one, making it seem like Baena was the one who wooed Arnold away from his wife, forced him to have sex with her, and then intentionally gave birth to a baby whom she kept SECRET for all of these years. Yup, Mildred Baena, the home-wrecking instigator of illicit affairs who apparently had tons to gain.

I know that it totally takes two to have an affair, but Baena isn’t the only one who’s been identified as being an on-the-side girlfriend of Schwarzenegger’s, and that fact in itself makes me think that Arnold was the one who sought this woman out, changed her life forever, and fucked up most of what his wife, Maria Shriver, thought to be true. Though Baena apparently wasn’t innocent in her role in the scandal, I feel that Arnold is ultimately to blame - but I guess George Lopez WOULD take a swipe at Baena instead: he definitely does resemble an aging female housekeeper than he ever could a former Mr. Universe and successful actor or whatever. Just saying.

George Lopez Apologizes to Kirstie Alley, Kirstie Alley Responds With Fabulousness

A photo of George Lopez

Remember when Kirstie Alley completely rocked her Dancing with the Stars premiere performance?  Ok, now remember when George Lopez was lame and unfunny and compared Kirstie to a pig?  Good, because that’s what we’re talking about today.

In a totally unsurprising move, these two discussed their feelings about things on Twitter (did I not tell you what a powerful tool that site is?), and here’s how it went down. First, Kirstie put her emotions out there:

Zing, right?  So I guess George Lopez decided that it was time to take it back, because an hour later he posted this:

So sincere.  I can imagine a solitary tear of remorse sliding down his cheek and bouncing off his space bar as he agonized over how to say what he needed to say.  But Kirstie wasn’t going to let him off the hook that easy:

But as I promised in the headline, Kirstie is fabulous, and this was her last word on the matter:

What have we learned, George Lopez?  Hopefully it’s that the only thing you ever did of any merit was star on that sitcom that Sandra Bullock produced for you and that you’re lucky you managed to get your own budget talk show, but I’m pretty sure you didn’t learn anything.  So sad.

Way to Keep it Classy, George Lopez

So, if you watched the video, you’ll know that George took swipes at all of the new contestants on Dancing With the Stars, including making fun of Ralph Macchio’s hair, Wendy Williams‘ alleged masculinity, and Kendra Wilkinson‘s sexual affairs with Hugh Hefner, but did Lopez take it too far in comparing Kirstie Alley to a pig?

About Kirstie, George says:

“She did a nice job, her little hooves tapping away. Before the show she went to the market, then she had roast beef, and this is her going all the way home … ”

Lopez then aired a clip of the recent Geico commercial featuring a pig:

So, I dunno. Did he go to far? Am I just biased because I’m rooting for Kirstie? Maybe. But one thing I know for sure, George Lopez more than likely didn’t gain many fans with this one, but I guess that’s probably why his late-night show is on TBS of all channels.

William Shatner Is Like, “F*ck You”

Keep it movin’, Gwyneth Paltrow.  Now that Shatner’s done his version of Cee-Lo’s “Fuck You,” there’s really nowhere else this song can go but down.  Besides, everybody knows that if anybody should be singing that song on Glee, it’s Mr. Schuester, so you ain’t foolin’ nobody no way.

But really, how lovely is Shatner’s cover?  I’m kind of in love with it.  I think that maybe it’s because my only other experience with William Shatner was when he was on Fresh Prince of Bel Air, remember, when he was a guest on Hillary’s talk show and Will and Carlton hung out with him and accidentally knocked his tooth out and they all went to the dentist and got high on the goofy gas? Probably one of the greatest moments in the history of television.

Add this one to the tomes, y’all, because Billy’s gone and done it again.

How Bizarro is This?

So Selena Gomez was on George Lopez’s talkshow on Monday night, and since no one really watches that show, this clip kinda went under the radar. For some reason, despite having a throat so sore that she was unable to talk, Selena appeared on the show anyway and usedd a Speak N’ Spell type device to answer questions. Trust me, it’s even more awkward than it sounds. Like, I wouldn’t be surprised if someone lost their job over this.

Steve-O is Still Stapling Things to His Nuts

It’s so great to see that some things never change.

Steve-O recently appeared on Lopez Tonight and showed his support (and his penis) for Kate Gosselin during her stint on Dancing With the Stars.

Aw, hey, Kate. You’ve got a fan, even if he is kind of unhinged, but then again, aren’t they all?

I’d love to see these two shacking up in the near future. It’d make for great press. And it’d be about forty steps up from Jon Gosselin, which isn’t saying a lot. At all. Ever.

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