11At Least George Clooney’s New Girlfriend Doesn’t Look Exactly Like His Old Girlfriend

Oh, wait.

(At the London premiere of The Fantastic Mr. Fox. Also there: Cindy Crawford. Who also looks exactly like one of George Clooney’s girlfriends. But it’s not like he has a type.)

October 14, 2009 at 11:30 pm by Evil Beet

14George Clooney Dates a Woman Who’s Not in Her Twenties

Meet Elisabetta Canalis AKA George Clooney’s new girlfriend.  The actor spends most of his year in Italy — must be nice to have a villa on Lake Como — and now it seems that he’s found a companion in Canalis.  According to Radar, 48-year-old Clooney has been spending time with the Italian actress who has appeared in Deuce Bigelow 2: European Gigolo and also hosted Italy’s Total Request Live.

The most shocking part of all this?  Canalis is 31.  Thirty.  One.

July 28, 2009 at 7:54 am by Wendie

9George Clooney, You Have The Right To Remain Hot

Have I mentioned that every time I ship a package to Italy, it doesn’t reach its intended recipient?  I don’t know what it is about corrupt Italian officials, but apparently the inconsistencies extend to their law enforcement as well.

George Clooney, who has an amazing villa in northern Italy, was pulled over by cops while riding his motorcycle in Lake Como this week.  What was the violation?  Not speeding.  Not an expired registration.  Just general hotness.  Click here for pictures of George doing pics and autographs with the polizia that stopped him.

June 12, 2009 at 6:01 am by Wendie

26PETA Jumps the Shark

NY Daily News is reporting that PETA wants to make tofu flavored with Eau De George Clooney.

Someone sent PETA a towel soaked in the actor’s perspiration – apparently picked up at a Washington D.C. gym – and now the organization has proposed using a new-fangled gastronomic technology to convert the scent into a flavor.

And they’ve dubbed it “CloFu.”

They’re hoping that Clooney’s naturally charismatic aroma will attract new fans for the much maligned tofu, which is often described as being “bland”. PETA even sent Mr. Clooney a letter  with details of their plan in hopes of gaining his support. Clooney responded “as a mammal I’m offended.”

WTF, PETA?! WHAT.THE.FUCK?!

How is making fake meat that tastes like a person better than just eating friggin’ meat? And can we verify the origin of this towel, please?? Lord knows some hairy sweaty man-gnome  is laughing himself to sleep at night thinking about PETA flavoring tofu with his distilled ball sweat because he claimed it was Clooney’s. And even if it WERE Clooney’s, why would anyone want to eat it?!

March 15, 2009 at 7:30 am by Soleil

8George Clooney Loves the No-Names!

He could get a date with any A-lister in Hollywood — but George Clooney doesn’t want ‘em!

The latest chick he’s been seen out and about with is a perennial game-show contestant!

The brunette — who has used three different names on at least four different game shows — was spotted grabbing sushi with Hollywood’s most eligible bachelor.

Kate/Katie/Stephanie has appeared on “The Price is Right” and “Hollywood Squares.” She also reportedly won $350K on “Don’t Forget the Lyrics!”

WOAH!!!

I had no idea there was that kind of money in being a game-show whore!!!!

I gotta get me on some of those shows!

Looking hot while adding absolutely nothing of value to the universe is totally the way to George Clooney’s heart.

January 29, 2009 at 2:39 pm by Evil Beet

13George Clooney And Susan Sarandon On ER

Does anyone watch ER anymore?  I’m happy this is the last season, but that show really should have ended, like, ten years ago.  How many fires, earthquakes, bombs, falling out of the sky helicopters, limbs lost, addictions fought and people resurrected from the dead should one audience be expected to tolerate?  County General Hospital should have been shut down about fifteen hundred cataclysmic disasters ago. That show fucking exhausts me.

ER is credited as the show that gave George Clooney his break.  To me, he will always be George the handyman at the Over Our Heads novelty shop, on The Facts of Life. Longtime fans have been hopeful that Clooney would return for the final season, and it looks like they are getting their wish.  Also appearing for the George episode was Susan Sarandon.  Not sure how she fits into the storyline, but don’t be surprised if her character suffers a fatal implant explosion.

January 27, 2009 at 10:48 am by Wendie