WHAT IS THIS, RYAN GOSLING? You went on a date this weekend with your Place Beyond the Pines costar Eva Mendes? And you didn’t even have the courtesy, the simple human decency, to tell me we were through?
Because we are through, mister. It’s over.
Don’t give me that soulful look, Gosling. Don’t you dare. You can’t smooth it over with puppy-dog eyes this time.
Oh, I saw the pictures in Us Weekly of your Disneyland date. Don’t you sweet-talk me. I know you held hands! I know she gave you cute little pecks on the cheek! I know that an “onlooker” said Eva fed you “churros, cotton candy, and corn on the cob”! With her hands! Gross! Also, do you know how much I have always wanted to go to Disneyland? Do you? Ugh, you don’t even care!
You promised it would be different this time, buster. You said you were finished with dating costars. Obviously not!
Fine! Whatever! Get married! Have a hundred babies with her! SEE IF I CARE! Just make sure you delete my number from your phone!
Unless you guys suddenly break up—in which case, call me.
“[When] other actresses who aren’t thought of, maybe, as being quite as attractive do full-frontal, they’re called brave. Nobody has ever said, ‘Eva, you’re so brave for doing full-frontal nudity.’ Just because I’m attractive doesn’t mean it’s not still scary. Why am I not brave?”
Eva Mendes in a recent interview with Allure magazine on exposing her lady bits for the sake of thee-ah-tah. Or crap movies, dealer’s choice.
Should Eva Mendes STFU about how hot she is?
I don’t understand why AskMen.com always tells us the most desirable person of a given year at the beginning of the year. Is this the person that we desired the most in 2009 and that we’re not recognizing until 2010 or are they telling us who we’re supposed to concentrate on desiring in 2010? I don’t need to pull a muscle in my brain trying to sort this out, AskMen.com. SPELL. IT. OUT.
Anyway! You guys! Literally, you guys! You all voted on the top 99 hotties on AskMen.com and they’ve just released their surprising annual list. OK, let me rephrase that. I am not shocked by the list, it’s actually who I would have picked, too. Rather, I am surprised that everyone didn’t just vote for Megan Fox. Meggo didn’t even make the top 10, she fell on the list at 11. Number 1 is actually the young lady pictured above, Emmanuelle Chriqui. You probably know her as Eric on Entourage‘s fiance Sloan. I’d like to congratulate the men of the world for ranking a seemingly sweet and charming woman as desirable. You’ve come so far.
Also in the top ten? Numbers two and three are Marisa Miller and Kate Beckinsale. Following them are Alessandra Ambrosio, Jessica Alba, Beyonce, Penélope Cruz, Cheryl Cole, Eva Mendes and Miranda Kerr. Not a bad list and not really anyone I would qualify as “scarily skanky” in sight. Maybe in these hard economic times men mostly “desire” smart and dependable women that can act as a pillar of strength for them, or maybe it’s just a coincidence that none of them give me “ho vibes”.
Who would you rank as the most desirable woman?
Last night CNN hosted their Heroes 2009 gala and just about everyone you could think of was in attendance. In fact, it’s easier to think of who wasn’t there than who was there. Britney, Paris, Lindsay… I guess they must be totally over because they were no shows. What about our tampon-tease Tila? Where was she? Surely she is a hero of sorts. Who did make it? The Rock, Carrie Underwood, AnnaLynne McCord who seems to be absolutely everywhere these days. Check out the photos below and let me know in the comments who you think was the best dressed and most deserving to be there. I know my hero, the electric (you heard me! Electric!) Debi Mazar was there, looking fierce as hell per usual.
Paris appeared at the Venice Film Festival this weekend with her on-again boyfriend, Doug Reinhardt. Doug was looking very two-dimensional and was airbrushed within an inch of his life.
There were a few other notables there, but I’m willing to bet attendance was down at this year’s festival. Damn economy. I’m really, really hoping Eva Mendes hasn’t fallen off the wagon since her rehab stint, but ahhh … well, you can judge for yourself. Mel Brown was looking very pink and Matt Damon was looking very goofy. Nicolas Cage — don’t you love it when people get all familiar with him and refer to him as “Nick?” — and a very androgynous looking Tilda Swinton were there as well.
You guys I am in the WORST MOOD right now!
I have been trying to track down some documents I need for my taxes, and Jesusfuckingchrist banks are a NIGHTMARE to deal with. All I want to do is talk to a person! But I first have to punch in all this information about myself and then get passed around to three different people (and repeat ALL my information for EACH ONE of them) after waiting on hold for 15 minutes and being assured repeatedly by an automated voice that Washington Mutual is soooooooo psyched about merging with Chase (LIARS!) and then being asked every two minutes if I want to take a fucking survey. TRUST ME WASHINGTON MUTUAL YOU DO NOT WANT ME TO TAKE YOUR FUCKING SURVEY. I now have a raging headache and I want to smoke crack because that’s the only thing that I can imagine will relax me at this point. Grrrrr. Is it really THAT HARD to streamline this shit? IS IT??? I’m going to start my own damn bank, and here is our governing philosophy: “Once you give your information over the phone to one of our associates, we will use ‘modern technology’ to pass that information on to everyone else you’re transferred to, because it is absolutely insane that you should be asked to repeat this information over and over again now that we have the ‘Internet.’” I’m so pissed right now I can’t even write.
But I’m a professional! So here’s Eva Mendes looking much more put-together than WASHINGTON MUTUAL’S CUSTOMER SERVICE at the Dolce & Gabbana show in Milan. Also there: Scarlett Johansson and Kate Hudson, both looking like crap. Freida Pinto’s a middle ground.
I am going to go find crack to smoke now.
At the LA premiere of The Spirit on Wednesday night.