Just when you thought the Lohan clan couldn’t get any worse, Michael Lohan goes ahead and outdoes his own previous attempts to solidify the public’s notion that he’s bat-shit crazy.

Erin Muller, the woman who Lohan allegedly kicked in the crotch, claims that Lohan placed a GPS tracking device on the “undercarriage” of her car and used the device to stalk her — everywhere she went.

The estranged couple is not foreign to public drama and sue-crazy tactics; Michael attempted to sue Muller for defamation of character and Muller allegedly retaliated by crying physical abuse. Muller is now speaking with attorneys regarding her rights as a private citizen and exploring her (newest) options for litigation.

This guy (not unlike the rest of his dysfunctional family) is a total douchenozzle. Someone needs to stick something in or around Lohan’s undercarriage, like, yesterday, but I can’t imagine anyone truly wanting to get close enough to do it.

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Michael Lohan has come forward with some serious allegations against his ex, Erin Muller.  You know the one;  she’s the lady that plugged him with a shoe last month.  Yeah, that Mike Lohan ex.

Muller has come forward to refute his claims of abuse and to add her own special sauce to the mix. Muller claims that on several occasions, Lohan punched her in the face, slapped her, threw blunt objects at her and … aimed a swift kick to her crotch.

God.  Doesn’t this douchebag know that a kick to the cooter just doesn’t hurt?  What’s this guy trying to prove, anyway?  What, did he think she had balls or something?

This guy’s such a twat.  Really.  He’s the guy that doesn’t know his ass from a hole in the ground.  Yep, he’s That Guy.  Even better, he’s the guy who doesn’t know the difference between himself and a twat.  I always said this guy’d be kicking himself down the road — I just didn’t expect it to be so damned literal.

Michael Lohan announced today that he’s engaged to his 24-year-old girlfriend, Erin Muller.

And, as long as people are paying attention to him, he has a few more things he’d like to get off his chest. Specifically, some ranting about Samantha Ronson:

“I’m not happy,” he says. “Ever since [Lindsay] got out of rehab and all these people came back into her life, things haven’t been right … People like Samantha Ronson don’t need to be around Lindsay. She shouldn’t be dragging Lindsay around nightclubs. Who was Samantha Ronson before Lindsay Lohan? She was nobody. She is using her for her own gain. All these people have inserted themselves into her life like parasites, and it’s not right. I’m done with them.”

Uh, Michael? Ever since you got out of Lindsay’s life and Samantha got in, Lindsay’s been out of the headlines. In fact, you’ve been the most scandalous Lohan family member for nearly the entirety of this year. So, ya know, shut up.