From OUT magazine:

“There comes some pressure in your mid-30s, and you think, Am I going to have kids so I don’t miss out on something that other people really seem to love? Or is it that I really genuinely want to do this with my whole heart? I didn’t feel that my response was ‘yes’ to the latter. You have to really want to have kids, and neither of us did. So it’s just going to be me and Ellen and no babies — but we’re the best of friends and married life is blissful, it really is. I’ve never been happier than I am right now.”

That’s awesome! Kids are a particular road to travel, that’s for sure – and the experience can be an amazing one because raising a human is difficult and complex and unlike anything else you’ll ever do in life, no doubt. But I like that more and more women aren’t afraid to say that they have no interest in becoming parents and realise that it doesn’t make them any less loving, their lives less meaningful or any of that. If you want kids, go for it! Have a million (except don’t, because overpopulation and all). If you don’t, that’s okay, too. It’s all about personal choices here, folks.

Maybe Portia and Ellen just want to take their eight million pets and move to a farm in Australia to live out the rest of their days in loving, lesbian bliss. I’m behind that.

Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi are so cute together, I could scream. They’re so in love! They’re so precious! And now they might move to Australia. Thanks a lot, land down under!

The pair (along with Ellen’s mother, Betty) have been over in Australia filming segments for The Ellen Show and visiting De Rossi’s old hometown, school, etc. and the comedian has taken to the place so much that she wouldn’t mind living there one day, apparently.

From News Limited:

Earlier DeGeneres said she could imagine making Melbourne her home.

“I shouldn’t put it out there, but I can see us living here one day,”she said.

“Not for a while as I’ve got shows to do, but I can see it happening.

“This is the most incredible trip, I will never forget it.”

FINE, just go then. See if we care! Just go and be cute in Australia where there are giant spiders and giant snakes and giant things that can kill you and it’s always hot. Suit yourself!

More photos from Ellen and Portia’s trip below…

California’s Proposition 8 is headed to the Supreme Court. Hundreds of companies and families as well as Republicans are submitting briefs urging the 9 judges to allow gay people to marry. I thought that was ridiculous. Why would judges want all of that underwear? Then, after a quick talk with some people, I found out what a brief was.

I’ve never filed a brief to the Supreme Court, so I thought I would post mine here. I’m sure someone will tweet it to them.

Portia and I have been married for 4 years and they have been the happiest of my life. And in those 4 years, I don’t think we hurt anyone else’s marriage. I asked all of my neighbors and they say they’re fine.

But even though Portia and I got married in the short period of time when it was legal in California, there are 1,138 federal rights for married couples that we don’t have, including some that protect married people from losing their homes, or their savings or custody of their children.

The truth is, Portia and I aren’t as different from you as you might think. We’re just trying to find happiness in the bodies and minds we were given, like everyone else.

Coming out was one of the hardest things I ever did. I didn’t intend to be on the cover of Time magazine saying, “Yep, I’m gay.” The truth is, I don’t even remember saying that. I mean, I definitely said the “I’m gay” part. It’s the “yep” I don’t remember. I’m not really a “yep” person. “Yes siree Bob” maybe. But not “yep.”

In the words of Benjamin Franklin, “We’re here, we’re queer, get over it.” And there’s another famous quote that says “A society is judged by how it treats its weakest members.” I couldn’t agree with that more. No one’s really sure who said it first, so if anyone asks, tell them I said it.

I hope the Supreme Court will do the right thing, and let everyone enjoy the same rights. It’s going to help keep families together. It’s going to make kids feel better about who they are. And it is time.

*I was just told Benjamin Franklin did not say that first quote. I apologize and see that I have a lot to learn about stuff.

Ugh, I love Ellen and I love her love for Portia (and Portia’s love for her) and there’s just too much love here, OKAY? In all seriousness, it’s absolutely ridiculous that giving all people equal rights is still a conversation we’re having rather than something that’s guaranteed to everyone. I can’t tell you not to own 56 shotguns, but you can tell me who I can and cannot spend my life with? F-ck off. Let’s get this shit changed, stat.

You can’t shit for Grammy news today, it seems, and all of it is boring me into a coma… except this. Ellen DeGeneres got more than a little peek at Katy Perry‘s boobs at last night’s ceremony and seemed to like it – and Portia de Rossi thinks it’s hilarious! So much is great about this photo. Obviously it’s a bit of friendly banter and Ellen and Portia are totally in love forever, but I just love that it was even taken. How did this photo op come about? How great does Portia’s hair look? How much of a perv is Ellen? So many questions!

And I’m pretty sure that’s the most wonderful sentence I’ve ever written.

Russell Brand, who I actually really, really adore, made the video to celebrate the fact that Ellen‘s talk show has been on television for ten years. Did you know that? It’s obviously an easy fact to check, but it just doesn’t seem like nearly that long, does it? I’m going to take that as a sign of Ellen’s sheer greatness.

But ok, this cat video. This is just completely and totally amazing. I realize that we don’t all have the same opinion on cats, or on Russell Brand, for that matter, but can you cat haters and Russell Brand haters also recognize how perfect this video is? Probably not, huh? And that’s so very sad.

And you know that I can’t let an entire post about a cat video go by without me showing you guys a picture of mine:

This is what happens on my lap every single night. The big one, Archie, has always been really sweet and affectionate, and little JoBangles has always been sweet as well, but in the past couple of weeks he’s taken to sitting on my lap every single time I’m sitting down. He’ll just sit with me for so long, and when I’m washing dishes or folding laundry or whatever, he’ll stand by my feet and wait for me to be done so I can pick him up again. And those are some of the wonders of being a cat lady. Russell understands.

Well allegedly, yes, but it’s not exactly a rehash of her old days of Ellen grandeur. No, Ellen Degeneres, a lady I love so dearly, is in the process of producing a new sitcom, which will be sure to light the fires of Ellen-appreciation in a totally new generation.

From the Hollywood Reporter:

NBC has given a script order to an untitled single-camera comedy from Lauren Pomerantz centering on a proudly independent 32-year-old single woman.

Pomerantz, who serves as a writer and producer on the Telepictures’ syndicated Ellen, will write and executive produce. DeGeneres, through her A Very Good Production shingle, also will serve as an executive producer on the Warner Bros. Television comedy.

The effort centers on a successful woman who notices that she’s listed as a “single woman” on the paperwork for the house she’s about to close on and becomes convinced that she just doomed herself to die alone. As a result, she turns to her friends, family and a therapist to convince her she didn’t make a huge mistake.

So I’ll be honest—I’m a little bummed that it isn’t Ellen 2.0, but then again, how could it be? It’d be like trying to bring back Mad About You or some shit, and you know that it just wouldn’t be the same, even if they got all the same cast to portray their respective characters all over again, right?

One thing that would be pretty awesome? A, you know, Dawson’s Creek reunion, because yes, I’m halfway through Season 4 and going strong. Also, I heard some bad news from a spoiler-friend and that spoiler friend told me—SPOILER ALERT—that Dawson’s dad is killed in a car accident in Season 5. Can I tell you how much I’m dreading this already? Not only seeing Mitch’s final appearance (because I do enjoy him so, so much), but the possibility of having to see this all over again?:

Oh, how I wish this was actually happening. How I wish that Ellen was recording Fifty Shades of Grey in its entirety, working her special brand of magic all over that mess. Sadly, I don’t think it’s going to happen. But we still have this little video to show us what could have been.

Ok, listen: I started reading the first book last night. And it’s amazing. I’m only on the third chapter, but Ana/Bella has gone on about how beautiful Christian/Edward is at least twenty times. When she sees his teeth for the first time, she stops breathing because “no one should be this good-looking.” She bites her lip and messes with her hair all the time, quirks courtesy of Kristen Stewart, and her inner monologue consistently has lines like “double crap” and “holy crap.” She says or thinks some form of “oh crap” twelve times in the first two chapters. I counted.

All I know is that I can’t wait for this movie to happen. Anybody else?

On a recent airing of The Ellen DeGeneres Show, Madonna credits much of her fame to the support of the gay community, and also uses her platform to discuss the hot topic of bullying in today’s society.

Madonna, who is an always-eloquent speaker (I just loved the ‘reoccurring occurrence’ thing she talks about in the above video, lol, good stuff), has taken the liberty to address bullying in the LGBT community and across the board, and what we can do to cut down on the, you know, cutting down.

While I’ve never really been a fan of her music (I know, crazy, right?), I do like the work that she’s done as a humanitarian and as an actress/model (come on, is there really anyone more dramatic than frickin’ Madonna?). I kind of gag whenever I hear her pull out the old fake British accent, and sometimes I’m afraid that she’ll read something even remotely negative that I might happen to write about her and show up at my front door with those crazy-strong sinewy arms of hers and lock me in a chokehold, but on the whole, Madonna’s a good egg and she makes me smile when she talks about important things.

Thanks for sticking up for those who don’t have a voice of their own, girl.

Yeah, ‘Swyllengift.’  You heard it here first.  Totally made it up myself. Before coffee. So I haven’t even had a breath’s time to decide whether or not it sucks, or if I’m going to start referring to Jake Gyllenhaal and Taylor Swift as … Swyllengift. I mean, fuck. It’s better than Brangelina … Or worse, Bennifer. Do y’all remember the original Bennifer (Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez)? Those were some great days for gossip. The really seedy, voyeuristic part of me would like to see them both leave their spouses and hook back up, complete with pink and yellow diamonds and furs and the way that fake baking looks on Irish boys with large jaws who try too hard. I mean, marriage with Garner is pretty much almost out of the picture anyway, isn’t it?

Anyway, half of the couple I’m most fascinated with these days (Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal) appeared on today’s Ellen DeGeneres Show and of course, Ellen pushed Taylor for details on the relationship in that oh-so-coy way that she has. From People:

“Are you optimistic about love? How do you feel about love right now?” DeGeneres, addressing the topic at hand, asks Swift on The Ellen DeGeneres Show episode airing Monday.

“I’m always optimistic about love,” responds Swift 20.

Confirming Swift’s stance, DeGeneres repeats, “So you’re always optimistic about love?”

“Yes, always, sometimes,” says Swift, beginning to backtrack slightly.

“But right now you are?” asks DeGeneres.

“Well, why wouldn’t anyone be?” says Swift, before DeGeneres boldly states, “Especially if your boyfriend is Jake Gyllenhaal, because he is very handsome.”

But, DeGeneres concludes, “Y’all are just hanging out though, right?”

Swift acknowledges that she and Gyllenhaal were photographed together in New York last weekend. As the singer says to DeGeneres, “You have a picture of us on the [TV] screen, don’t you?”

“Right,” admits DeGeneres. “But it’s just y’all hanging out – this does not prove anything. I’m just saying he’s adorable and I like him very much, and so if that is the case that he’s your boyfriend, I think that’s fantastic.”

So, good. More of these non-details that continuously confirm that Swift and Gyllenhaal are dry humping, because I don’t see Taylor givin’ it up just yet. And by the way, Donnie Darko was on television last night. That a fucked up movie or what?

Get it?  She’s Snooki’s poof! Ellen’s costume is a famous hairstyle, and that’s wonderful.  You can catch this costume on a Halloween-themed episode of Ellen on Friday, but here’s how Ellen explains it:

“That’s Snooki down there,” she says of the doll. “I’m the poof. She’s the actual size. She is that short. I met her in person. I was almost late for the show because I didn’t take in account how long it takes to gym, tan and laundry, everybody.”

I wish more people did this for Halloween.  The thing is, ladies, you can dress slutty and go out and get wasted any day of the year, but Halloween is a special time when you can do creative things like dress up in a hair suit.  Do you know what my costume was last year?  I was a rainbow.  And if you’re worried that you won’t get hit on by drunk dudes if you aren’t a slutty nurse or a sexy cat or something, don’t be – I was just a regular old rainbow and some drunk dude still asked me if he could “have” my body.  So don’t sell yourself short, you guys.  You can be anything you want to be (and if you sincerely want to be a pirate whore or whatever, I’ll love you anyway).

Portia de Rossi has legally changed her name, but not to something cool like Portia de Batman, which is what I would have changed it to if I were her.

Nope, Portia has just taken on the last name of her wife, Ellen DeGeneres and will now legally be known as “Portia Lee James DeGeneres”.

The couple married back in 2008 and are famously dedicated to one another. Congratulations to both of them for taking this next step.

There’s no word yet on whether or not Portia will also be taking this name professionally (a la Courteney Cox-Arquette), but that would be totally dope.

Ellen DeGeneres, one of the coolest cats on the planet, was photographed last night working her fierce runway tactics (I always thought the word ‘tactic’ was funny, because if you split it in half and reverse it, you get ‘tictac.’ And I love Tic Tacs. Especially the orange ones. They’re the best) for the Richie Rich Spring 2011 fashion show in New York City.

First, on the pictures, isn’t Ellen just the most adorable thing on the face of the earth? The answer to that question would be ‘yes.’ Second, they’re doing the Spring 2011 now? Like, when most people haven’t even thought of what their winter wardrobes will consist of? The answer to that question would be ‘what the hell.’ But hey, this is the high fashion world, and I am not a part of it. And for that, I am thankful — though I love Ellen a lot, I’d kill myself before wearing a tiny hat like hers.