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Elin Nordegren

Tiger Woods Wants to Remarry Elin Nordegren

photo of tiger woods and elin nordegren pictures
From the National Enquirer:

HORN-DOG golfer TIGER WOODS is so desperate to win back his ex-wife ELIN NORDEGREN that he offered her a whopping $200 million prenup to marry him again, sources tell The ENQUIRER.

Elin, who reaped a $110 million payday in their 2010 divorce settlement, told him she’d consider it – but only if he was willing to ink a $350 mil­lion anti-cheating clause in the wedding contract.

“That’s more than half of Tiger’s $600 million fortune, an amount which she feels is enough to keep him from straying and put her firmly in control of their relationship,” said a source. “Tiger didn’t even balk at the demand. Even though his accountants think he’s crazy, he’s ready to sign the prenup and set a wedding date. The guy has never recovered from being dumped by Elin. He’s dated lots of models and bimbos, but none of them were more than a one-night stand. He’s 37 years old, his golf game isn’t what it used to be, and Tiger is be­ginning to realize that Elin and their two children are what really matter to him most.”

Once golf ’s greatest superstar, Tiger’s career and marriage fell apart after The ENQUIRER revealed his affair with a New York party girl, and his secret life as a serial cheater was ex­posed.

Since their bombshell divorce, Elin, 33, has dated several men, including wealthy financier Ja­mie Dingman. But the romances went nowhere for the mom of Tiger’s two cubs – daughter Sam, 5, and son Charlie, 3 – and the golf legend repeatedly begged her to take him back, sources say.

“Tiger swore that he’d never cheat on her again, but Elin told him that she didn’t believe him,” said an insider.

Despite that, Tiger con­tinued to pursue her, and last November, he actu­ally got down on one knee and proposed, the insider added.

To prove his proposal is the real deal, Tiger not only agreed to Elin’s prenup terms but also presented her with a pric­ey ring for Christmas. … “Tiger told me, ‘I love Elin. Without her, I’ll be miserable for the rest of my life.’”

I know, I know: the National Enquirer. Not generally all that reliable, but something about this story stuck out to me. Plus, the Enquirer seems really, irrationally excited and adamant about the news, and you know what? I think it might be true, guys. Honestly, I do. What do you say—do you think there’s a possibility of the story being real, and would you take Tiger Woods back after all that cheap, seedy cheating he did?

Vanity Fair Poll Names Most Eligible Bacherlorettes

photo of jennifer aniston on the cover of OK magazine claiming to be pregnant pictures

And guess who topped the list of single female celebrities? My very best Friend, Jennifer Aniston. As if that’d come as a surprise. It seems like whenever these ‘Most Eligible’ polls are conducted, the people behind them play Santa Claus and remind the world that these lucky celebrities are, indeed, still single and list reasons why you should go for it and try to lure both their attentions and reproductive organs.

So yes. I guess it’s only natural that the eternal bachelorette, Jennifer ‘Unlucky-in-Love’ Aniston, would top the list.

Others that placed?

Coming in at number two, Halle Berry, who recently split with baby daddy Gabriel Aubry. Number three is my girl Elin Nordegren, who recently walked away with a cool chunk of change. Number four is Betty White (which boggles my mind … I love Rose and all, but come on. Get over this revival nouveau already would you please). Coming in fifth place is Lady Gaga, and sixth is Supreme Court Justice Elena Kagan. … Yes, that Elena Kagan.

Any single ladies missing from this list? Are you surprised that, um, certain women did make the cut over others?

Elin Nordegren Doesn’t Need Your Tiger Woods

In her first — and confirmed last — interview, Elin Nordegren speaks out to People magazine about the aftermath of the Tiger Woods scandal and how she’s coping. Elin states that she’s feeling better than ever, won’t let this get her down, and has plans for her future — all of which include her children:

“I have been through the stages of disbelief and shock, to anger and ultimately grief over the loss of the family I so badly wanted for my children. [But] I also feel stronger than I ever have. I have confidence in my beliefs, my decisions and myself.”

And though she’s keeping busy by working toward a college degree, Elin states that family is still her number one priority, even if the father of her children is a douchebag and isn’t a part of the family unit any longer:

“My immediate plan is for the kids and me to continue to adjust to our new situation. I am going to keep taking classes, but my main focus is to try to give myself time to heal.”

You know what? I got all sorts of good vibes from this interview. I commend her on holding her silence for this long (because really, there’d be very few women — or men, really — who could keep their trap snapped over heinous allegations that were brought forth against their spouses like the ones brought against Woods) and I really believe her when she says that this interview, while her first, will also be her last. I believe her, and I don’t see any tell-all Tiger Woods: Behind the Scenes books in development. At least by Elin, anyway. Rachel Uchitel? Yeah. Probably.

Tiger Woods is Officially Divorced

Yeah, ladies! He’s single! The line can form directly behind me!

After almost our entire year has been rocked by cheating scandals in Hollywood, the dude that started the trend, Tiger Woods, is now officially divorced from his wife Elin Nordegren. The couple reported to Bay County Circuit Court in Panama City, Fla. to finalize the agreement today.

Elin’s peeps have released the following statement:

“We are sad that our marriage is over and we wish each other the very best for the future. While we are no longer married, we are the parents of two wonderful children and their happiness has been, and will always be, of paramount importance to both of us.”

Although no details of the agreement have been made public at this point, it’s rumored that Elin could receive up to 100 million dollars in alimony. Damn. Too bad it only cost her her pride, right? I’d be pumping him for more cash than that, if he even has it to spare.

Want to See Rachel Uchitel’s Ta-Tas?

I don’t, ’cause I’m not into that whole shock-type of visual assault, but I’m sure there’s got to be a market for something like this somewhere or another.

Rachel Uchitel, the mistress of both Tiger Woods and David Boreanaz (and God knows who else), is taking Playboy up on their offer to pose nude for the illustrious skin mag. However, she’s not willing to show her gilded promised-land cooter — the mistress is only interested in showing her fake tits and plastic ass.

It seems like only yesterday she was mourning the loss of her boyfriend who was killed during the 9/11 attacks. Uchitel was quoted earlier in the decade stating that she doesn’t think of her former fiance with regret any longer:

“When I think of Andy I no longer cry. I smile and I laugh. I’m at that point now. I can go on everyday knowing that somebody like him chose me to love.”

After she lost her Andy in the attacks, she found love and solace in the arms of a former classmate, Steven Ehrenkranz. Although some “insiders” claimed that Uchitel was a ho with a penchant for married men (Uchitel had a “history of being with married men” and had been called “self-destructive.”) Ehrenkranz blindly married the cock-bandit in 2004 and the couple divorced four months later. Gotta dig that ever-lasting kind of love.

My my, how far we’ve come Ms. Uchitel. Wherever they are, your Andy and your ex-husband must be so damned proud of you. Keep on keepin’ on, woman: your next investment Hef calls.

Elin Nordegren Pulls the Plug on Her Marriage to Tiger Woods

And not a moment too soon, as far as I’m concerned.

Things seemed kind of suspect when the Sweden-born Nordegren moved back to her roots and took the couple’s children with them, but hey. Couples take extended vacations, uh, apart and with their children all of the time, right? Then Tiger pulls out of the Playas Player’s Championship citing a herniated disk in his neck. I thought the retraction from the Championship was definitely a little off, and now I think I know why.

Sources close to the couple confirm that Tiger and Elin are, indeed, splitting — for real and for good this time. The source claims that although the couple tried to reconcile, shit’s just not happening:

“She tried to put things back together … She went to therapy with Tiger. She gave it a shot moving forward.”

But because she just couldn’t put the past behind her (and I don’t blame you one fucking bit, girl), she started her life anew. The insider claims that the two are on cordial speaking terms, but there’s no chance in sight for reconciliation or keepin’ it together for the kids.

While Elin currently visits Sweden with her children, the insider maintains that Elin does want Tiger to “co-parent” their children, which probably means that he’ll get some kind of visitation rights. At some point. Who knows.

Sucks to be you, Tiger. But hey … you lay down with whores dogs, you get STDs fleas and then fucking no one wants your shit.

More Trouble Brewing For Tiger Woods

Just when you thought Elin was going to take it lying down, it doesn’t look like she will — and in more ways than just beyond cracking the iron-clad chastity belt that she had welded on a few months back.

Although it seemed that Elin would be sticking with Tiger after the two were seen cozying up during tennis matches, dinners and joint-parent endeavors, sources at RadarOnline state that all is not what it seems to be.

Whether Elin’s pissed about Tiger’s entrance into the Masters or it was the dribs and drabs of mistresses still trickling down, sources claim that Elin has decided to spend “a lot” more time in her native country of Sweden and she wants to take the couple’s children with her.

The kids are said to be a point of bitter contention between the two; Tiger’s camp reportedly says that he’s dead-set against having his children moved halfway across the world, even if they are with the woman who bore them.

RadarOnline’s exclusive source states:

“There’s conflict between Tiger and Elin. And Elin doesn’t just give in and do what Tiger wants. She’s become very independent.”

Despite Tiger’s admittance to his affairs, he’s always maintained the position that he doesn’t want to be an absentee dad and that his love for his children exceeds everything. About his parenting, the source claims:

“Whatever anyone thinks of Tiger, he loves his children. You can’t criticize him as a parent at all.”