Facts of Life Addresses the Marijuana Issue
Oct 06, 2006 at 04:44 pm by Evil Beet

I don’t know where or how Defamer found this clip, but if anyone knows where I can find the Saved by the Bell episode where there’s a “roach” in the boys locker room, I can die happy.

Anna Nicole’s Ex Files Paternity Suit
Oct 03, 2006 at 04:37 pm by Evil Beet

Larry Birkhead has filed suit against Anna Nicole Smith in Los Angeles, hoping to compel the actress/model/trainwreck to return to the United States from the Bahamas so that a paternity test can be performed on her baby, Dannielynn Hope, who Birkhead claims to have fathered. Smith claims her baby daddy is her longtime attorney, Howard K. Stern.

Papers from the lawsuit are sealed, but rumor has it they contain an array of disturbing allegations against Anna Nicole, including that she has been taking methadone, a habit facilitated by Stern. Smith’s 20-year-old son, Daniel, died last month of a drug overdose involving methadone.

Birkhead has alleged for months that Anna Nicole moved to the Bahamas in order to avoid a paternity suit by Birkhead and to avoid being tested for drug use.

I guess we’ll just hang tight until someone leaks the court documents.
It Is Possible George Michael Has Some Manner of Drug Problem
Oct 02, 2006 at 05:06 pm by Evil Beet

I was so excited to run this with the headline “George Michael’s Double Whammy,” but E! Online got to it first. Damn.

I’d rather not be so harsh as to say “George Michael was found intoxicated and passed out at the wheel of his car for the second time in eight months.” Instead, let’s look at it as “George Michael was found intoxicated and passed out at the wheel of his car for the first time since February!” Because eight months is an admirable length of time to stay conscious at the wheel when you drink and drive like he does. Michael was arrested early Sunday morning in London on suspicion of drug possession, after being awoken, of course.

His partner, Kenny Goss, said “He’s fine and I’ve got him a McDonalds,” from which we can conclude only that Goss himself was still drunk at the time of the interview. Best of luck to Michael and Goss, and to the entire city of London. And, E! Online, I call dibs on the “Triple Whammy” headline in May.

(Hey Tiffy — it’s not quite the coke arrest we were hoping for, but I think we can say our prayers were answered.)

Someone Might Want to Update The 12 Traditions
Sep 29, 2006 at 04:01 pm by Evil Beet

“We need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films.”

They should probably try to get blogs in there for the next edition.

An observant blogger realizes that Nicole Richie was photographed leaving the West Hollywood Recovery Center as a Crystal Meth Anonymous meeting was ending. Maybe she never had an eating disorder after all.

Update: I thought about this more, and the only CMA/AA meetings on a Wednesday (when these photos were taken) end at 8 pm, and there’s no way it was this bright out at 8 pm this late in September. I live in this city. Still, the WHRC is most definitely a 12-step center.

Lunchtime Quickies: Nick Carter Would Like You to Hate Paris Hilton, Watch His Television Program
Sep 27, 2006 at 07:31 pm by Evil Beet

  • God bless the British press. They’ve got a pic of cocaine in its natural habitat — the inside of Kate Moss’s nose.

  • If the standard blow-up doll isn’t doing the trick anymore, you can bid on an actual Fembot on eBay.

  • Nick Carter: “Paris Hilton is a psychotic evil whore blah blah blah blah hey by the way I have a television show coming out.”

  • Jamie Pressly gets engaged and Kate Hudson files for divorce.

  • Do you want a George W. Bush butt plug? Perhaps for use in conjunction with your Fembot? Okay, okay. Just promise you’ll think about it.

  • ABC’s website has a clip of the Terri Irwin interview that will air on 20/20 tonight.

  • I can’t believe I am linking to Perez Hilton just because I agree with his taste, but I am. Regina Spektor rocks, and when you’re done listening to the new Killers album, you should check her out.

  • Lost star Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje ayddibug ukilolopoti yi Abptu daka-daka shrekpiti.

Liquid Cocaine (and it’s legal!)
Sep 20, 2006 at 01:35 am by Evil Beet


Redux Beverages in Las Vegas debuted its new beverage at NYC Fashion Week this week: “Cocaine.”

The beverage, targeted at party-goers (really? why?), is supposedly 3.5x stronger than Red Bull (its inventor, Jamey Kirby, says it is “350 percent stronger,” because, you know, that sounds like more), and — get this — has a secret ingredient to imitate the mouth- and throat-numbing properties of actual cocaine.

Their website looks pretty low-budg, which is fine, because you don’t really need a complicated marketing strategy when you’ve named your product after the hippest life-destroying addictive illegal drug on the market. You know everyone at Hansens is slapping their foreheads this week. “Fuck, dude, what were we thinking? Monster? Shit.”

I think we’re seeing a resurgence in the marketing-by-controversy approach, between this and Survivor: Racist. I hold Ann Coulter single-handedly responsible.

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