Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Doug Hutchison

Courtney Stodden Spends Doug Hutchison’s Money at Target

photo of Courtney Stodden target shopping pics
Ha! Did you actually think she’d be at Target if she were spending her own? No, she’d be at a corner drugstore, scouring the seasonal clearance aisle for last holiday’s ‘A Christmas Story’-themed decor. See, Doug brings an element of class to a girl’s life, you know.

Doug and Courtney were out shopping this past weekend, where they picked up kitchen essentials like a rolling pin and a hand juicer.

Either that, or they were about to get into some really freaky shit that involved vegetables, homemade ball-gags, and extendable … never mind.

In related Doug-and-Courtney news, Courtney’s new single, ‘Reality’ hits iTunes tomorrow. CAN YOU EVEN BELIEVE IT. Rumor has it that the song’s going to be blow her self-written anthem, ‘Don’t Put It On Me, Girl’ out of the water, but I’m having a hard time believing that, because really—what could possibly be better than this?:

Oh, right, yes. Her new single, ‘Reality’. Here’s a sample:

That’s quality work right there, folks. Will you be setting your alarms for midnight so you can be one of the first to buy Courtney’s new song?

Courtney Stodden Was a Tramp for Valentine’s Day

photo of courtney and doug lady and the tramp pictures spaghetti dinner photos pic
But of course I’m making a play on words here – I’d never insinuate that Courtney Stodden was an outright tramp – how ludicrous! I’m simply talking about the Disney flick, Lady and the Tramp, because they’re OBVIOUSLY reenacting the famous dog-eating-spaghetti scene. I’m not sure who’s supposed to be “Lady” and who’s supposed to be “Tramp,” but I think it’s a safe bet to say that Doug Hutchison is no tramp. I mean, Courtney’s probably the first chick he’s ever slept with (and that still triggers my gag reflex, even after Chocolate! Cheerios!), so there’s that, too.

Oh, and Happy Valentine’s Day to you! Are you and your significant other doing anything special for the big day? I’m not a big fan of the day, myself. I think it’s a commercialized waste of time, celebrated in order to get people to indulge in consumerism and frankly get themselves in trouble if they don’t live up to others’ expectations. Seriously. I know people – actual, you know, adults – who’ve gone as far as to get into a week-long funk over what their boyfriend or girlfriend did or didn’t do for The Special Day. Come on. If your SO isn’t treating you well and making you feel valued the other 364 days out of the year, then maybe you’ve got even bigger problems than he or she not getting you a ginormous box of chocolates and a crooning greeting card.

Anyway, this set of photos depict what Courtney and Doug Hutchison did for their special day, and as you can tell, it all revolved around shared spaghetti dinners, mounting tables, and eating strawberries on small boats that D & C can’t afford to pull out of the marina.

Last, I think Courtney might be wearing a Victoria’s Secret thong with her bathing suit top. One, the black fabric’s color and texture don’t exactly match the top, and two, it looks just like a Victoria’s Secret thong. Note to Courtney, maybe? Don’t buy the expensive, over-priced bikini if you can’t afford both pieces. Sometimes there are concessions you have to make in life, and this might be one of ‘em, girl.

5 Couples We Wish Would Split Up

photo of vanessa paradis and johnny depp breaking up pics
No, no – we don’t wish that Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis would snap it off (generally). But in light of all of the lost love in the world, we decided to compile a list of 5 couples that we wish the ultimate demise upon: the big breakup. What with Seal and Heidi Klum calling it quits, and Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis (and, of course, you can’t forget – sniff, sniff – Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries), we thought it prudent to really stick it to those who deserve it, rather than those who should just be together for the rest of their lives for the public’s sake.

In no particular order, The List:

#5 – Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison
photo of courtney stodden and doug hutchison pictures photos breakup
OK, no one’s going to disagree with me on this one, right? Their relationship, frankly speaking, is weird and unnatural and honestly, pretty damn gross. Not that I, you know, sit around and fantasize about celebrities having sex (I do have other things to do, my friends), but even trying to think about these two in the sack takes my appetite away. And that’s a hard, hard thing to do these days, guys.

#4 – Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes
photo of ryan gosling and eva mendes breakup pics
Because, duh. Who wants to continue seeing these two sucking face all over chic European countries and West Coast bistros? Not this girl, that’s for damn sure. Ryan needs to go back to his roots of down-home sweetness and women with genteel manners and … I don’t know, f-cking hoop skirts or something. Eva Mendes is just not where all that is at.

#3 – Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux
photo of jennifer aniston and justin theroux breakup pics
I don’t know about you guys, but it seems to me that Jennifer only dates a high-ish profile man is when she’s in the throes of promoting one of her films. As far as I know, she doesn’t have anything important coming down the line as of yet, so I fully expect these two to completely drop off the radar sometime in 2012. Plus, Jennifer Aniston is just (more) annoying (than usual) when she’s dating anyone, really. Sorry, girl, but some people just aren’t meant to be.
*Image courtesy of Celebuzz

#2 – Jennifer Lopez and Casper Smart
photo of jennifer lopez and casper smart dating pictures photos breakup
Again, I don’t want to wish ill upon anyone and their, you know, “true love that transcends age, generation, and backup dancer syndrome,” but this is just silly. I realize that J. Lo is a big girl and can string along a young kid if she wants, throwing money at him all the while like she’s the female P. Diddy, but they’ve only been dating for something like weeks now and I’m already sick of hearing about them. Go and celebrate and get married and disappear forever, guys, or break the hell up and get off my mind.

#1 – Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick
photo of kourtney kardashian and scott disick pictures photos breakup pic
I don’t know, is it in poor taste to wish relational demise upon a woman who’s expecting a child? I don’t think so, considering who she’s with. I’m not a big Kardashian-lover as it is, but if there’s anyone who’s bad news, it’s the American Psycho-looking Scott Disick, who always seems to be just one mildly angry outburst away from relapsing into full-blown alcoholism and mirror-smashing. You wanna raise your kiddos around a ticking time-bomb, Kourt? I sure wouldn’t.

What about you guys – anyone in Hollywood you’d like to see cut their ties this year? Anyone on this list you hope lasts, you know, forever and ever?