Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Doug Hutchison

Oh So What Should Courtney Stodden Be for Halloween, Guys?

photo of courtney stodden halloween costume pictures
Tough question, considering it’s going to be pretty hard to beat last year’s pumpkin patch debauchery in trashy country-western attire. What? That wasn’t even Courtney’s Halloween costume? This was? Oh. Well. I guess that’ll teach me a lesson for making assumptions about Courtney Stodden and the word “trashy.”

On a serious note, though, it’s finally happened—Courtney Stodden, at the ripe old age of eighteen, has dead eyes. Don’t believe me? Think that girlfriend is just as happy with her life as she lets on? Then take a good, hard look at this picture, because the deadness is all-consuming:

photo of courtney stodden dead eye pictures
Can’t someone do something about this already? And by “this,” I mean, help her pick out a Halloween costume? Because there’s nothing that can be done about those dead, dead eyes of hers—the damage has been done, DOUG HUTCHISON.

Images courtesy of Celebuzz

Quotables: Doug Hutchison Creepily Explains Why He’s Not Creepy

A photo of Doug Hutchison

“The thing is, it’s interesting that anyone would call me a child molester because what I think that does is belittles true child molesters, the ones out there that are really molesting children. We can’t do that. My and Courtney’s marriage is legal, it’s moral and its within the law. I’m not a child molester, so anyone who says that I’m not going to take it to heart. I only care about what my loved ones think about me and no one else. We wake up in each others’ arms in the morning and start our day together. We take care of our puppies. We feed the puppies and let them out. Courtney gets on the computer to tweet and I take care of business on the computer. Then we come together during segments of the day, and then in the evening we have dinner and watch ‘I Love Lucy’ episodes. Within our house, we are extremely normal.”

- Doug Hutchison theorizes that he’s not a child molester because child molesters don’t have puppies or watch I Love Lucy with their victims.

And after that quote, Doug said “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” No, really, he actually did say that.

Of course, Doug is right, he isn’t a child molester, he’s an ephebophile, but that doesn’t mean that what he did is “normal.” He married a 16-year-old girl he met online. That’s some To Catch A Predator shit, that’s not normal.

Also, I think it’s really interesting how he says that he doesn’t care what anyone thinks of him besides his loved ones. In case you weren’t aware, Doug’s entire family disowned him after he married Courtney. His own mother told him that she didn’t want anything to do with him. But for sure, it only matters what his loved ones think of him, which I guess is just Courtney at this point. Solid reasoning.

But hey, look at that picture of Doug up there. Isn’t that just the creepiest? Look into his eyes, for the eyes are the windows into the soul. Those are some shady windows, huh?

Doug Hutchison Is Way Proud of Being Called A Child Molester

A photo of Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison

Couples Therapy. I am so bummed that I haven’t seen it yet. Have any of you guys seen it yet? Is it as amazingly horrifying as all the promos promised it would be?

Probably, because according to a blog by Alex McCord, a Real Housewife of New York and fellow cast member on the show, Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison were embarrassingly desperate for attention. And it sounds awesome:

Finally, Simon and I made dinner for everyone, and fur flew. Although we do make our children dress for dinner every night, it really wasn’t about Courtney’s lack of clothing for me. It was about her aggressive, disrespectful, attention-seeking behavior. She reminded me of a naked version of the Jack Russell terrier in The Mask. Everyone tried to ignore their antics in order to focus on their own therapy process, and that made her angry. It was clear to me that both Courtney and Doug desperately wanted to have all eyes on them, and when they felt they were being ignored would act out accordingly. Courtney would change into an even skimpier outfit and shake her (ahem) attributes, and Doug would gleefully remind everyone that he had been called a child-molester. Once. Every other time it was brought up, it came out of Doug’s mouth, as though it was some weird badge of honor.

Once again, while Courtney is just ridiculous, Doug is the creepiest creeper ever to creep. Was he always like this? I’ve seen him in things, but I’d never heard anything about him. Did he have a bad midlife crisis or something? Can that make someone into a creeper?

We need answers. But more importantly, we need to watch this show.