Mar 22, 2007 at 11:47 am by Spiteful Lars

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Well of course Lindsay’s mom is insane, that was a safe bet from day one. It’s Lindsay herself who is probably struggling against all the craziness. So it’s her I am growing fonder of and her parents whom I’m starting to wish bad things upon. Here’s what loony toons mom had to say:

AP – New York Dina Lohan says her daughter Lindsay isn’t an alcoholic and that people are wrong to assume that she’s a club-hopping “party mom.” “Oh, the party mom, the party mom, the party mom!” Lohan says. “Whoever said that, my ex-husband or whatever, I’m not the party mom!”

First off, when you have to repeat something three times you’re then that thing. It’s just a fact. Watch this. “Oh, like I’m angry with you, so angry, look at the angry guy over here!” See? I said it three times because I couldn’t think of something more coherent to defend myself with. I’m clearly angry. Verdict: her mom is the party mom.

“Listen to me: Lindsay would drag me, literally drag my loser butt (to a club) and say, `I need you to know who these people are,’” Lohan, 44, says in an interview in the April issue of Harper’s Bazaar, on newsstands Tuesday. “Yeah, she trusts my judgment. She’s in such a whirlwind; she’s in a tornado. I mean, we’re talking serious earthquake, you know?”

Again with the three example thing, an excellent sign of mania. The “you know” signifies that she’d like you to join her in crazy city if at all possible. Besides that, non-crazy people say “I just feel like Lindsay needed someone there for her. She’s going through a lot.” Manic people use physical disaster metaphors. I wonder if we threw some mood stabilizers down her gullet and then talked to her what she’d sound like.

“Lindsay had to fall and get up,” she says. “I knew it was coming. I told her, but finally she was like, `Mommy, I had to do it myself.’”

YIKES! This means that either Lindsay calls her mom “mommy” or her mom infers that she’s her “mommy.” Either way it’s bad news because “mommy” is used by three year olds. When an adult calls you “mommy” it means they need help, they are powerless. They are using the verbiage of a kid. When a mom calls herself “mommy” it means she wants the control of her daughter being a three year old again. Like I said, either way, it’s not great news.

So the sum result is Lindsay is dealing with a self destructive father and an insane manic depressive mom. Most likely this is what got the happy couple together in the first place. So Lindsay here’s the route I’d take if I were you: Drink for a bit. Get that out of your system. Then get in about a therapy session a day to get the answers you need. Stop trying to get them from your parents because sadly they’re never going to have them.

Feb 02, 2007 at 05:43 pm by Evil Beet

Hilary Duff’s new single is pretty addicting. Kind of like Vicodin. When you’re Nicole Richie. [popbytes]

Alanis Morissette and Ryan Reynolds must have received the letters I’ve been writing them, begging that the natural order of the universe be restored, and that Ryan Reynolds genes of total hotness not be mixed with Alanis’s weird pear-shaped ones. They’ve split up. [Hollywood Grind]

I hate covering stories that involve Katie Holmes talking. [Defamer]

Fuckin’ Lindsay Lohan. [The Blemish, The Superficial]

Fuckin’ Lindsay Lohan’s mom. [Hollyscoop]

Yes, we have pictures of Denise Richards’ labia. This is very good news for Heather Locklear in the maintenance and improvement of the voo-doo doll. [The Superficial]

Nov 02, 2006 at 04:24 pm by Evil Beet

The title of this post is an actual lyric on this truly heinous CD by Ali Lohan.Click here to get a sample of one of her hot holiday tracks.
Looking on Amazon.com, this CD is selling for the bargain basement price of $10. With that $10 you get to hear such classics as.

1. Christmas Day
2. I Like Christmas
3. Winter Wonderland
4. Christmas Magic
5. Jingle Bells
6. Groove of Christmas
7. Lohan Holiday – Ali Lohan, Lindsay Lohan
8. Deck the Halls
9. Silent Night – Ali Lohan, Dina Lohan
10. Santa’s Reindeer Ride – Amy Grant, Ali Lohan
11. We Wish You a Merry Christmas – Ali Lohan, Dina Lohan
12. I Like Christmas [Remix][*]

“I Like Christmas”- creative Ali. “Groove of Christmas”-a little frightening. “Lohan Holiday”- WTF? Are we are going to hear about Lindsay and her baby sister getting wasted at the Chateau Marmont before trying to score some killer weed, then finding out their mom is too hungover and forgot to buy them the right Louis Vuitton bag for Christmas? Though I have to say the track that frightens me the most is “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” with a cameo by Dina Lohan. Classic.
A great stocking stuffer for the holidays.

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