Hey, guys, Diane Kruger‘s looking so, so much better, isn’t she? For a minute there I thought we were going to have to start worrying about her, Kate Bosworth-style, but alas, she pulled through and now she’s looking fabulous without makeup while buying kitty litter. Isn’t she fabulous?
OK, I’m going to just come right out and say this: Diane Kruger looks like shit. No, no, really, and I say this with all of the love in the world, because I do love Diane Kruger—she looks like garbage. What happened here? Her shoes and that hat and her head all make her so shrunken and sickly-looking and too small. Is it because she and Joshua Jackson have been dating for a century now and she’s stressed out that they’re still not making the ultimate commitment? Well, no, not according to Diane. In response to recent engagement rumors, Diane said that she doesn’t believe in marriage:
Joshua Jackson showed longtime girlfriend Diane Kruger just how much he loves her by outbidding fellow Hollywood high rollers Wednesday, winning her a Carla Amorim necklace for $45,000.
The impressive “Boreal” necklace is made with 11.7 carats of white diamonds and set in 18k rose gold, People reports.
According to an eyewitness at the “Nights in Monaco” benefit dinner and auction, the “Inglourious Basterd” actress “was stunned” by Jackson’s purchase, and couldn’t stop beaming.
“She kept kissing him the rest of the night because she was so shocked still!” the source told Us Weekly. “The necklace is out of this world and he definitely had his eye out for it.”
Kruger, 35, and Jackson, 33, have been dating since 2006, and the generous purchase had the media buzzing that the bauble was more than just a kind gesture. “He said he was looking for the ‘perfect engagement gift,’” a source told E! News.
Reps for Kruger, similarly, have shot down the rumors, telling Us Weekly that the couple, though happy, is definitely not engaged.
The actress, who was once wed, has spoken out about her take on marriage before. “Without sounding pessimistic, I learned that I don’t believe in marriage,” she told Glamour magazine in February 2011. “I believe in a commitment that you make in your heart.
“There’s no paper that will make you stay. A guy friend of mind said, and it made a lot of sense, that people should get married at the end of the road, not the beginning.”
Well, OK. That’s fine, Diane. I kind of like the way you think, there, but I’m still concerned about what’s going on with you. Some bodies are definitely not meant to be that small, and I’m pretty sure that Diane’s is one of them. Holy crow. I can’t believe I once said that Diane Kruger had an “ample ass.” How times have changed, guys.
Ok, let me give dear Diane Kruger the benefit of the doubt for a bit first. See, I don’t think she’s ACTUALLY covered in urine, I think it’s just the colors of the dress. Diane is notoriously well-dressed, so I highly doubt that she would attend an event after spilling urine all over herself. Plus, she’s there with her one true love, Pacey, and I don’t think she would want to embarrass him like that. Also, I’m still not wearing my glasses, but my eyesight’s not incredibly bad, and I’m nearsighted anyway, so I guess we’re getting into the real point of this, which is “Diane, why the fuck are you in public in your pee dress?”
You guys can see it too, right? It’s not just me having golden showers on the brain, is it (no, it is not)? Other people can see that this dress makes Diane Kruger look like she got doused in a couple of bladders and then tried to make the best of it? I could really use your support on this one.