Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Death

Legendary Saxophonist Clarence Clemons Passes Away

Clarence Clemons, Bruce Springsteen, 1980

Legendary musician Clarence Clemons died Saturday due to complications from a stroke a week earlier. Clemons was 69 years old.

Clemons was best-known for his work as saxophonist in Bruce Springsteen’s E Street Band. Bruce Springsteen made the story of his and Clemons’ first meeting, in a music club where Springsteen’s band was playing in 1971, into the stuff of myth. Springsteen often told of that event, “With a lightning storm raging outside, the Big Man tore the door off an Asbury Park club, strode onstage, and made magic.”

Clemons’ version of his first meeting with Springsteen differed only slightly:

One night we were playing in Asbury Park. I’d heard The Bruce Springsteen Band was nearby at a club called The Student Prince and on a break between sets I walked over there. Onstage, Bruce used to tell different versions of this story, but I’m a Baptist, remember, so this is the truth.

A rainy, windy night it was, and when I opened the door the whole thing flew off its hinges and blew away down the street. The band were onstage …staring at me framed in the doorway. And maybe that did make Bruce a little nervous because I just said, “I want to play with your band,” and he said, “Sure, you do anything you want.”

“From the first time we saw each other, we stayed together for two weeks,” Clemons told CNN of Springsteen in 2009. “We were inseparable.”

In 2008, Clemons had double knee-replacement surgery. He regained his ability to walk in 2009; that year, he also published his memoir, Big Man.

The day after his book’s publication, charity organization Little Kids Rock honored Clemons with the first-ever “Big Man of the Year Award” to recognize his philanthropy in raising money for music programs in underfunded public schools.

Most recently, Clemons appeared in Lady Gaga’s “Edge of Glory.”

Clemons suffered a stroke last week in his home. He had undergone two brain surgeries in the days following, but he ultimately passed away from complications.

A gallery, with photos of Clemons spanning 1975-2011, is hidden after the cut.

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Even in Death, Gary Coleman Still Has People Trying to Screw Him Over

recent photo of gary coleman sunning himself on a chair outdoors

You know, some people have the luck of a small, short-lived fame actor. And Gary Colman, God rest his soul, is That Guy. According to sources at TMZ, there are “individuals” who claim to possess photos of the recently-deceased Coleman pre-plug pull and post-plug pull:

TMZ has learned a series of photos of Gary Coleman in the hospital are being shopped around to the media — and in one of the photos … Gary is already dead.

We’ve seen one of the photos and declined to even look at the rest. In the pic, Gary is in the hospital, his eyes are closed and he is hooked up to a ventilation machine. It is not a pleasant sight.

The person selling the photos claims to have four photos — the one we were shown was taken about an hour before he died. The final photo was taken after he was taken off life support.

Asking price is in the low five figures.

The “low five figures.” How awful. You know, even completely independent of the fact that there’s some deranged ex-wife sick fuck peddling the pictures for one last grasp at financial solvency, it’s horrible that these “individuals” are so sad and desperate to sell out a dead TV star that the asking price is in the “low five figures.” You know, I know the guy had his problems in life and sometimes didn’t do the right thing all of the time (and who’s fucking perfect, anyway?), but pushing photos of a dead Gary Coleman? What the fuck are you talking about, Willis? Jesus wept.

I’d expect this kind of bullshit over on Rotten.com or something or one of those other lurid websites that glorify gloom and doom and gore — but I can tell you one thing: if those pictures finally do surface, you won’t be seeing them from me. Something that might be worse than big-time ragging on someone for their actions on Earth before they kicked? It’s this kind of shit that’s the lowest of the low.

Simon Monjack Found Dead

photo of brittany murphy and simon monjack, both now dead

Simon Monjack, widower of the late Brittany Murphy, was found dead in the home he shared with Murphy’s mother last night. Murphy’s mother, Sharon, found Monjack unconscious in the master bedroom late last evening and sources claim that the preliminarily determined cause of death is cardiac arrest — just like Brittany herself.

The LAPD claims that yes, while there were (still) various prescription medications in the home, they are ruling out any suspicious conditions or suicide.

Murphy was found dead in her home on December 20th, 2009 and almost five months to the day later, her husband, Monjack, was found dead apparently by the same cause of death.

I guess it’s not surprising … the dude, even when Brittany was living, seemed high-strung and indulgent (what, with his thirty or forty pounds of excess weight, love of thick Cuban cigars and drink), but it is kind of weird, and of course, sad. Monjack definitely went off the deep end after Murphy’s death and I think that also attributed to these inevitable circumstances, too.

If I were Brittany’s mom, I’d get the fuck out of that house before it claimed me, too. Maybe we’ve got a real, live Amityville Horror house here in the Hollywood Hills, just waiting to claim its next victim. Who the fuck knows. Crazy stuff.

But anyway, whatever these two kids were together was obviously something that transcended life itself. Though many couldn’t (and still don’t) understand the strange appeal that Monjack had to the late Brittany, you only have to look through the photos of the two together to see that Murphy did appear to be deliriously happy.

RIP, Simon; I hope you’re finally at peace with yourself and Brittany, now, too.

[Update: TMZ is exclusively reporting, though law enforcement officials state otherwise, that Monjack may have died from an accidental overdose.]

If Anyone Else Wants to Shoot Themselves After Reading This, I’ll Be Behind the Shed With Dad’s Gun

Nickelback

I know we’re not exactly big time music critics over here, but I think it’s safe to say that this news is so catastrophically bad that if I wasn’t sure we were all about to die already, then this is the final sign I needed. You guys, Billboard has declared a “band of the decade” based on record sales and one of the bands of our last decade? You guys, it’s fucking Nickelback. Really good job. I’m looking at you. I know that if you don’t own a Nickelback album, then your mom or your significant other or your kid does and therefore, I blame you. Personally, I have exceptional taste and so do my loved ones, so I know I’m not to blame. I’m guessing it’s probably you.

From The National Post:

Nickelback was the highest-ranking band of the decade, only finishing behind solo artists Eminem, 50 Cent, Alicia Keys, Beyonce, Nelly and Usher, for overall impact and importance.

Despite a distinct lack of critical acclaim, the rock band formed in Hanna, Alta., has sold more than 30 million albums worldwide. In the last decade, it released The State (2001), Silver Side Up (2001), The Long Road (2003), All the Right Reasons (2005) and Dark Horse (2008), which has garnered them a 2010 Grammy nomination for best hard-rock performance for the track Burn It To The Ground.

Yeah, guys. “Burn It To The Ground”. That sounds like a song worth compromising our reputation as people who lived in the first decade of the new millennium for. “Burn It To The Ground”. That’s so hardcore and emotional. I can see how so many of you could relate to a song like that.

Listen to me: This is a lesson. This entire decade has been a lesson in what happens when you fucking suck. We’re all broke, most of us are losing our homes in some capacity and our entertainment is at a dismally low low. We need to do better in 2010. Promise me that we’re all going to try.