Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Danica Patrick

Danica Patrick Thinks Jennifer Aniston Is Old And Angelina Jolie Is Perfect


Race car driver Danica Patrick pondered the question of the ages (literally) with US Magazine:  What actress would you want to play you in a movie about your life?

“I’ve always said Angelina Jolie would be great because she’s an action star,” Patrick, 26, told a group of Canadian bloggers. “Although I don’t quite look like her,” Patrick goes on. What about Jennifer Aniston? “I don’t think that’d be age appropriate,” she says of the He’s Just Not That Into You star, who just celebrated her 40th birthday. “She’s older than me!”

Hard to picture either of them clamoring for that role.

Isn’t it unfortunate when a celeb is tragically positioned in front of a movie poster?  She looks like she went ballistic with Ken Paves/Jessica Simpson hair extensions.  Oh well!

Ah, and not that anyone will be doing a biopic of me, but if I had to pick for myself, hmmm….Janeane Garofalo, maybe?  I asked my mother who she would cast as me and she came up with Emily Blunt.  Pass me a bottle of pills, please.  A big one.

I ::Heart:: Danica Patrick

Danica Patrick Wins Indy Japan 300, Pictures, Photos

On Sunday, the 26-year-old hottie became the first woman to win an IndyCar race, taking home the big prize for the Indy Japan 300.

“It’s a long time coming. Finally,” she said. “It was a fuel strategy race, but my team called it perfectly for me. I knew I was on the same strategy as Helio [Castroneves] and when I passed him for the lead, I couldn’t believe it. This is fabulous.”

And Helio’s response?

“With five laps to go, I was saving fuel. When Danica passed me, I realized she was the leader. She did a great job, passed me fair and square and that shows you how competitive our series is.”

I love that she thanks her team almost immediately. I love that she uses the term “fabulous.” I love that she’s wearing cute earrings and bad-ass shades in this picture. I love that she’s not afraid to embrace her femininity while competing in a hugely male-dominated, male-oriented sport. She’s so kick-ass in so many ways. I hope she sees many more wins in the future.

Look! It’s the Fake Breasty ESPY Awards!

Carmen Electra and Kendra Wilkinson at the ESPY Awards Red Carpet, Pictures and Photos

The ESPY awards were held today at the Kodak Theater. I don’t know who won. I don’t know who was nominated. I don’t even know what types of awards are given, but I certainly hope Kendra Wilkinson’s breasts warranted at least an honorable mention. Is there an award for Most Basketball-Like Body Feature?

Danica Patrick was there, and it’s cool to get to run pictures of her, because, if you hadn’t noticed, I don’t know shit about sports, and I know less about racecar driving, but I do know that Danica Patrick has taken a man’s world by storm while still managing to look fabulous, and that’s always award-worthy in my book.

Jamie-Lynn Sigler dropped by, and I have no idea why. I’d guess she was fucking a football player or something, but I’m pretty sure she’s still with Scott Sartiano, so I don’t know why she needed to show up at this. I certainly hope it wasn’t to show off that dress, because that would have been an enormous error in judgment. Unless she can tell me whether Tony Soprano got shot in that diner, she’s of no use to me anymore.

And Maria Sharapova, because I know a lot of you like to masturbate to her.

Danica Patrick at the ESPY Awards, Red Carpet, Pictures and Photos Danica Patrick at the ESPY Awards, Red Carpet, Photos, Pictures, Images Jamie-Lynn Sigler at the ESPY Awards, Pictures and Photos Maria Sharapova at the ESPY Awards Red Carpet, Pictures and Photos Maria Sharapova at the ESPY Awards Red Carpet, Pictures and Photos