Sigh. But some of you do, and I’m not going to cheat those of you who watch this show out of the necessary knowledge that’s come down the pipe. Like how they’ve chosen the cast of character’s for this season’s season season’s season, and it’s composed of some pretty random (and some completely obscure) choices. Are you ready for ‘em? Here goes. From our good friends at Starpulse, who went to the trouble of defining some of the more “who the f-ck is that” choices:
Jack Wagner is a soap opera star most known for his roles on General Hospital and Melrose Place. His pro partner is Anna Trebunskaya.
Melissa Gilbert is known for her child acting role on Little House on the Prairie, which she started when she was nine. Maksim Chmerkovskiy is her pro partner.
Donald Driver is wide receiver for the 2010 Super Bowl Champion Green Bay Packers, who drafted him in 1999. His pro partner is Peta Murgatroyd.
Sherri Shepard is a co-host on The View, but has also made numerous cameos on shows such as 30 Rock. Her pro partner is Val Chmerkovskiy.
Gavin Degraw is a singer/songwriter whose self-titled album hit #7 on Billboard charts with songs such as In Love with a Girl. His pro dancer is last season’s champion Karina Smirnoff.
Martina Navratilova is a tennis legend, having won over 350 matches and 59 grand slam championships. Her pro partner is Tony Dovolani.
Roshon Fegan is an actor in Disney’s hit show Shake It Up. He also raps and produces music. His pro partner is Chelsie Hightower.
Maria Menounos has hosted for shows such as Entertainment Tonight and reported for Today, Dateline, and Nightly News. Her pro partner is three-time champion Derek Hough.
Jaleel White is best known for his role as Urkel in Family Matters. His voice acting skills are well-regarded, netting him such roles as Sonic the Hedgehog. His pro partner is two-time champion Kym Johnson.
Gladys Knight is a legendary singer with 8 Grammys to her name. Her award-winning music has spanned the 60s, 70s, and 80s. Her pro partner is Tristan McManus.
William Levy is a Mexican superstar – known as Mexico’s Brad Pitt – that gained buzz for a role in Jennifer Lopez’ music video for I’m Into You. His pro partner is two-time champion Cheryl Burke.
Katherine Jenkins is an acclaimed opera star who has sold over 4 million records. She sang during the 12th season of the show. Her pro partner is two-time champion Mark Ballas.
So good. I’m excited about Melissa Gilbert, because it’s going to be funny to see Roseanne‘s ‘Darlene’ getting jiggy with it on the dance floor, and Jaleel White (AKA Steve Urkel) is always a hoot – when he’s not knocking women around with his gangly little arms. Gladys Knight, though, I’m really kind of concerned about her self-esteem. Is it really that bad that she’d sink as low as to dance … with those who dance with the “stars”? Because she really is a Star. Not a “star.” This show is designed for people like Courtney Stodden, and … wait. Whoa. Hold up a second.
Why wasn’t Courtney asked to be a part of this season’s show? Oh. My God! You know, now that I think about it, I think I have the answer to that. You probably have to be eighteen, and as far as that goes, little Courtney just does not fit the bill.
Count me as one of the many, many disappointed.
Do you guys watch this f-ckery?