Dancing with the Stars, just revealed their cast for season 16. Yes, season 16. Do you feel old yet? It’s your usual motley crew of “who’s that” “trainwreck” “athletes” and “why?” Let’s take a look, in order from who I know trickling down to who I don’t recognize.
Andy Dick. I don’t see how this could possibly go wrong! Let’s get ole Andy “Massive Liability” Dick on a live show where he has to interact with people and work hard. Take a shot every time he offends someone.
Kellie Pickler. She was on American Idol and ask Simon, “What’s sal-min?” And he said, “You don’t know what salmon is?” And she did her aw shucks routine of, I’m just a little country girl. I’m okay with her though. She seems sweet and fun and when her friend got cancer and lost her hair, Ms. Pickler shaved her head in solidarity. That’s awesome.
Dorothy Hamill. Ice skater. I think Chandler had a crush on her on Friends. Or maybe it was Ross? That’s all I got.
Victor Oritz. Boxer.
Now we’re into “I have no idea who these people are” territory.
Aly Raisman. 18 years-old, Olympic gymnast. She won a gold medal and a bronze medal.
Ingo Rademacher. Soap star. Known for General Hospital.
Jacoby Jones. Football player for the Baltimore Ravens. Super Bowl Champion. Has a clock tattooed on his chest.
Lisa Vanderpump. Oh I just realized who she is now. She owns Sur (a restaurant in West Hollywood). She was also apparently on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
Zendaya Coleman. She’s an actress on the Disney Channel show Shake It Up! (Wha?) She plays “Rocky Blue.”
So there you go. I think Andy Dick will be first to go. Judd will stay around for a bit since she’s one of the more recognizable names but I don’t think she’ll last long.
What do you think of this cast? Do you watch the show? Will you this season?
Image of the celebrity dancers + their dance pro partners is from Dancing with the Stars Facebook, which is worth checking out because the wall comments are GOLD.
February 26, 2013 at 3:30 pm by Catherine St. Ives
Maksim “Maks” Chmerkovskiy, two-time dance partner to Kirstie Alley (among others), is reportedly leaving Dancing With The Stars. TMZ is basing this on “sources close to the production.” Maks does, however, want to stay in the entertainment industry. Mr. Chmerkovskiy is also known for his horrible attitude, need for attention, and being a jerk to women. And above all, he is responsible for this:
Let me tell you something, if you’re not watching Dancing With The Stars you are missing pure, simple, stupid entertainment. It’s just fun. That’s all it is. Pure, simple, stupid fun. I mean, this is a show that put Michael Bolton in a doghouse and made him dance to Hound Dog.
February 23, 2013 at 8:30 am by Catherine St. Ives
Sigh. But some of you do, and I’m not going to cheat those of you who watch this show out of the necessary knowledge that’s come down the pipe. Like how they’ve chosen the cast of character’s for this season’s season season’s season, and it’s composed of some pretty random (and some completely obscure) choices. Are you ready for ‘em? Here goes. From our good friends at Starpulse, who went to the trouble of defining some of the more “who the f-ck is that” choices:
Jack Wagner is a soap opera star most known for his roles on General Hospital and Melrose Place. His pro partner is Anna Trebunskaya.
Melissa Gilbert is known for her child acting role on Little House on the Prairie, which she started when she was nine. Maksim Chmerkovskiy is her pro partner.
Donald Driver is wide receiver for the 2010 Super Bowl Champion Green Bay Packers, who drafted him in 1999. His pro partner is Peta Murgatroyd.
Sherri Shepard is a co-host on The View, but has also made numerous cameos on shows such as 30 Rock. Her pro partner is Val Chmerkovskiy.
Gavin Degraw is a singer/songwriter whose self-titled album hit #7 on Billboard charts with songs such as In Love with a Girl. His pro dancer is last season’s champion Karina Smirnoff.
Martina Navratilova is a tennis legend, having won over 350 matches and 59 grand slam championships. Her pro partner is Tony Dovolani.
Roshon Fegan is an actor in Disney’s hit show Shake It Up. He also raps and produces music. His pro partner is Chelsie Hightower.
Maria Menounos has hosted for shows such as Entertainment Tonight and reported for Today, Dateline, and Nightly News. Her pro partner is three-time champion Derek Hough.
Jaleel White is best known for his role as Urkel in Family Matters. His voice acting skills are well-regarded, netting him such roles as Sonic the Hedgehog. His pro partner is two-time champion Kym Johnson.
Gladys Knight is a legendary singer with 8 Grammys to her name. Her award-winning music has spanned the 60s, 70s, and 80s. Her pro partner is Tristan McManus.
William Levy is a Mexican superstar – known as Mexico’s Brad Pitt – that gained buzz for a role in Jennifer Lopez’ music video for I’m Into You. His pro partner is two-time champion Cheryl Burke.
Katherine Jenkins is an acclaimed opera star who has sold over 4 million records. She sang during the 12th season of the show. Her pro partner is two-time champion Mark Ballas.
So good. I’m excited about Melissa Gilbert, because it’s going to be funny to see Roseanne‘s ‘Darlene’ getting jiggy with it on the dance floor, and Jaleel White (AKA Steve Urkel) is always a hoot – when he’s not knocking women around with his gangly little arms. Gladys Knight, though, I’m really kind of concerned about her self-esteem. Is it really that bad that she’d sink as low as to dance … with those who dance with the “stars”? Because she really is a Star. Not a “star.” This show is designed for people like Courtney Stodden, and … wait. Whoa. Hold up a second.
Why wasn’t Courtney asked to be a part of this season’s show? Oh. My God! You know, now that I think about it, I think I have the answer to that. You probably have to be eighteen, and as far as that goes, little Courtney just does not fit the bill.
Count me as one of the many, many disappointed.
Do you guys watch this f-ckery?
February 28, 2012 at 3:30 pm by Sarah
I hope I’m not ruining your Thanksgiving plans—which were, of course, to sit down with a six-pack of beer, cue up the DVR, and watch the season finale of Dancing with the Stars, all while weeping softly—by telling you what happened on the show last night.
Oh, well, here goes: motivational speaker and All My Children star J.R. Martinez is officially the Season 13 winner. (Thirteen seasons! How, even? I’m not sure I understand how TV works anymore.)
Martinez and his partner, Karina Smirnoff, barely defeated Rob Kardashian in the gripping reality-dancing competition. The other finalist, Ricki Lake, was edged out of the contest earlier in the evening.
Martinez’ victory is inspirational—the 28-year old is a veteran and survivor of the War in Iraq—and it was certainly deserved, too, as anyone who witnessed his moves can attest.
But according to Page Six, Rob Kardashian and partner Cheryl Burke actually finished the competition ahead of J.R. Martinez (albeit by one measly point), while Martinez outpaced Kardashian in terms of viewers’ votes. And because Dancing with the Stars is as much a popularity contest as it is a challenge of skill, there’s some speculation that Kardashian lost on account of the family name. In fact, Rob’s chances at winning were probably seriously injured the night the Kardashian girls sat in the audience.
Not to diminish J.R.’s victory or anything, but yeah. Yeesh.
(Image via Digital Spy.)
November 23, 2011 at 12:30 pm by Jenn
How carefully have you been following the Nancy Grace saga on Dancing with the Stars? That lady has awful luck. First her bosom flagrantly burst from her corset-style top; of course Ms. Grace insisted that viewers had only seen a pastie, rather than a nipple. But we all know the truth.
Next, myriad fans claim to have heard Nancy Grace ‘let ‘er rip’ on the October 3 episode of the dance competition. You be the judge! (For my own part, I think it sounds like a slightly gaseous tummy rumble, but TMZ’s audio is definitely clearer than the original opinion-forming video I first watched.)
Oh, Nancy. Deny, deny, deny.
Now, a group of flatulophilliacs—that is, a ‘farting fetish’ fan club—is asking Ms. Grace for licensing rights to the three-second clip of Grace’s toot. And they sent her a letter, too. The letter concluded,
Passing gas is as natural as breathing, and our members are waiting with baited [sic] breath.
Here are some Very Important Fart Facts (link possibly NSFW):
- Why do farts smell so awful? Hydrogen sulfide gas and mercaptans combine to produce the distinct odor of sulfur (AKA rotting eggs; brimstone). Meat and cauliflower will make your ‘bottom burps’ all the more colorful. Also, “the longer a fart is held in, the larger the proportion of inert nitrogen it contains.” Look out!
- Most gas directly results from “swallowed air.”
- Supposedly—although I suddenly can’t find any real substantiation for this—every human emits the same amount of gas daily. Which means that, if you are the type who carefully holds her gas in all day at work, you very likely poot in your sleep. Oh, no!
October 8, 2011 at 10:00 am by Jenn
“Evidence re my alleged ‘wardrobe malfunction’ which I vehemently deny: Breast Petals & industrial strength bra.”
She later said to Radar Online:
“I am in full nip denial. Breast petals and an industrial strength bra…plus a sewn-in corset. The fabulous DWTS wardrobe crew is extremely proactive and would never let an accident happen!”
Right, Nancy. Jeez, it’s just a nipple. And anyone who’s seen the photos (don’t worry, they’re here if you haven’t seen them already) KNOWS it’s a nipple, too. Don’t get so bent out of shape. It was a nipple. And a nice nipple at that. Way to spice up Dancing With the Stars, girl.
Decide for yourself: nipslip or nipple petals?
Jump below for the up-close shot of Nancy’s nip.