There once was a bachelor named Hugh Hefner,
Loved Holly Madison; then he left her.
Instead, got engaged to one Crystal Harris
And attended the premiere of An American in Paris. (Pictured.)
Their 60-year age gap caused titters, and jeers,
But did it cause, too, wedding jitters and fears?
Though Hef could see her affection had faltered,
He was nonetheless blindsided when dumped at the altar.
What follows is from Hef’s interview with Piers Morgan;
Makes Hef seem real sad—Harris, more like a gorgon.
I’d like to keep rhyming and steal all the glory,
But as the journalists say, “Let the quotes write the story”:
…As we got very close to the marriage, you know, something was not right. But I didn’t see it coming, I truly didn’t see it coming.
At last Crys admitted her feet had gone cold,
Hef recommended just putting the wedding on hold.
He thought he’d reassured her; he’d obviously failed,
Because, by next morning, their relation-Ship had sailed:
That was only half the story obviously, because the next morning [after our conversation], without my knowledge, she was packing the bags.
Though it’s crystal-clear Crystal just used him, then shoved him,
Hef maintains that she really, really, really did love him:
I think an argument could be made that she took me for a ride, but I must say, quite frankly, it was a pretty nice ride. If she was faking it, she did it very well.
In conclusion—because I can’t keep this up—poor Hef! I really believe both of them. I have faith that Hef was genuinely marrying for something that maybe felt a little like love, and I believe Harris was totally sincere when she said, “Are you kidding? It was all for publicity.” Man, did Hugh Hefner ever dodge a bullet.
CNN has the whole video clip here. In other news, Hugh Hefner is not dead.