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Courtney Stodden

6Courtney Stodden Practically Asks Us To Beg For Her Sex Tape

courtney-stodden

Courtney Stodden says she made a sex tape, and thankfully it’s not with Some Dude From Lost. No, this tape is all Stodden. “Tape.” It’s probably a digital recording, although she swears no one can “hack” it. I’ll just let her speak in her own darling words. From Eonline:

Hackers, don’t even go there cause you’ll find nothing.

YEAH HACKERS, DON’T EVEN. Justo to reiterate, her husband/Some Dude From Lost is NOT in the video. She says,

[It's] just me. I don’t want to put any images in people’s mind; I’m gonna leave it up to you guys to think what you want.

Thank you, Courtney! So kind of you. She says she’s not going to release it (“no, this is personal”) and that it was recently done because, “I turned 18 in August, so you do the math.”

Ms. Stodden also said she hasn’t submitted any nude photos to Playboy yet, as though they’re waiting on baited breath. I think they’re probably too intimidated by her naked shoot for Girls And Corpses magazine to take her on, because how could they do better? Once you elevate something, you gotta keep it rising.

So enjoy these photos of Ms. Stodden from “a fashion show in West Hollywood.”

May 17, 2013 at 3:30 pm by Catherine St. Ives
Filed Under: Courtney Stodden

4Courtney Stodden Makes Amanda Bynes Seem Sane

courtney stodden elmo big bird

Courtney Stodden, how I love thee. You are SUCH a Sriracha hot mess. Your “candid” photos make Amanda Bynesselfies look like a Vanity Fair photo shoot. Okay that’s a bit much, but they’re certainly more cringe-worthy. At least I think so. Bynes is like, “F-ck it, I’m going to hold my boobs in front of my bathroom mirror” — she even hashtagged “long hair don’t care” — whereas Ms. Stodden walks around dressed inappropriately with her old as hell husband Some Dude From Lost followed by hired paparazzi all while pretending to be coy.

Here’s her latest shoot. She’s hanging out in a kid’s store. And she looks as though she could be wearing the clothes sold in the kids store. Because they’re tiny. Not because they sell stripper heels to children. …yet.

I cannot believe she’s only 18!

Who do YOU think is the bigger train wreck: Stodden or Bynes?

May 9, 2013 at 4:30 am by Catherine St. Ives
Filed Under: Courtney Stodden

4Let’s Check In With Courtney Stodden: Yup, Still Wearing Tiny Clothes And No Clothes

courtney stodden doug

Courtney Stodden, the 18 year-old bride of Some Dude From Lost, makes me smile when I’m feeling blue. She’s the quintessential non celebrity. I like to check in on her every once in a while and see how she’s doing. I’m still not entirely convinced that she’s a real person. Maybe this entire persona is a Joaquin type situation.

Ms. Stodden recently went to The Ivy, the saddest place you could go if you’re a celebrity. Real celebrities do not go to The Ivy. You only go to The Ivy if you desperately need (or thrive on) paparazzi attention. But girl knows how to get it. Because, in classic Stodden style, she wore the tiniest dress with the tallest shoes one could make.

Some Dude From Lost looks so goddamned pleased with himself. That’s a hard look to pull off when you’re a grown man wearing long shorts and flip flops to an upscale restaurant.

Thanks to Too Fab and Celebuzz for these dazzling images.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention Ms. Stodden’s nude cover for Girls And Corpses. Yes, that’s a real magazine. Very NSFW. (more…)

April 30, 2013 at 3:30 pm by Catherine St. Ives

8Courtney Stodden Does NOT Want to Do Porn

courtney stodden twitterCourtney Stodden, child bride, rejected an offer from the porn site Twistys (no apostrophe). For those not familiar with Ms. Stodden, I’m not sure how to descibre her other than an 18-going-on-28 year-old who married some dude, Doug Hutchison, from Lost when she was 16 and he was 51. (From this point on I will only be referring to Doug Hutchison as Some Dude From Lost.) Since then she’s been doing her darndest to get our attention somehow, but it’s super tricky, because she’s not really good at anything. She’s like a less talented Kim Kardashian, which says so very much, doesn’t it?

Stodden’s latest attempt at doing something, anything, is music. Yes, that word is used very loosely. She shot a video for her song Reality. Twistys offered to give the video an “erotic” makeover. That means pornographic, as Twistys’ slogan is, “The Most Beautiful Babes in Porn for Over 10 Years!” And now I have that in my browsing history.

Said her manager/mom (yes, mom) to E! News,

Although Courtney is flattered by Twisty’s offer to reshoot her music video for Reality, we have decided to pass.

Some Dude From Lost had no comment.

Before you say anything, let us have a moment of silence for Lindsay‘s Playboy cover.

Carrying the Stodden tourch that Emily and Sarah held so gallantly held high is going to be tough but it is my honor and privilege and I’m going to do my best.

February 21, 2013 at 4:30 pm by Catherine St. Ives

9Love It or Leave It: Courtney Stodden Goes Dark

A photo of Courtney Stodden

But wait, before you freak out, don’t freak out! It’s a wig! Our dear Courtney Stodden is still just as blonde as ever. But wouldn’t it be neat if she really did dye her hair this dark? I think it would, mostly because then she would look like an even worse drag queen.

Here’s another picture to back that theory up:

A photo of Courtney Stodden

Speaking of hair, I’m about to head out to my salon, y’all! Because I’m one of those girls who marks any major life change with a haircut, and since I’m going to be leaving all you darlings in just a few short days, I need to get something major done. I’m taking pictures of Miley Cyrus and Emma Watson, then I’m going to let Jesus take the wheel. I might show you guys what happens if I need you to tell me I’m still pretty.

But speaking of pretty, I need to show you the photo that Courtney posted after those two pictures above, the picture that shows she was just wearing a wig:

A photo of Courtney Stodden

Right? Doesn’t she look like a little baby drag queen who hasn’t gotten her routine down quite yet? One that still hasn’t gotten the hang of all those feminine wiles, who still doesn’t hold herself quite right but is trying really, really hard?

January 28, 2013 at 12:30 pm by Emily
Filed Under: Courtney Stodden

14Love It or Leave It: Courtney Stodden’s Church Wear

A photo of Courtney Stodden

Look, I grew up in the Bible Belt. I know a thing or two about what you’re supposed to wear at church. Granted, I’m sure the dress code isn’t exactly the same for every single church everywhere, but I’m also pretty sure I have a good idea about what’s in the realm of appropriateness.

Courtney Stodden, once again, is way inappropriate.

She posted this photo with the caption “Time to go to church :) God bless everyone! Muahhh!!!” So, uh, there’s that.

I don’t know, guys, it’s been a long day. Let’s just criticize Courtney Stodden and call it a night, all right?

January 20, 2013 at 3:00 pm by Emily
Filed Under: Courtney Stodden