Courtney Stodden, how I love thee. You are SUCH a Sriracha hot mess. Your “candid” photos make Amanda Bynes‘ selfies look like a Vanity Fair photo shoot. Okay that’s a bit much, but they’re certainly more cringe-worthy. At least I think so. Bynes is like, “F-ck it, I’m going to hold my boobs in front of my bathroom mirror” — she even hashtagged “long hair don’t care” — whereas Ms. Stodden walks around dressed inappropriately with her old as hell husband Some Dude From Lost followed by hired paparazzi all while pretending to be coy.
Here’s her latest shoot. She’s hanging out in a kid’s store. And she looks as though she could be wearing the clothes sold in the kids store. Because they’re tiny. Not because they sell stripper heels to children. …yet.
I cannot believe she’s only 18!
Who do YOU think is the bigger train wreck: Stodden or Bynes?
May 9, 2013 at 4:30 am by Catherine St. Ives
Courtney Stodden, the 18 year-old bride of Some Dude From Lost, makes me smile when I’m feeling blue. She’s the quintessential non celebrity. I like to check in on her every once in a while and see how she’s doing. I’m still not entirely convinced that she’s a real person. Maybe this entire persona is a Joaquin type situation.
Ms. Stodden recently went to The Ivy, the saddest place you could go if you’re a celebrity. Real celebrities do not go to The Ivy. You only go to The Ivy if you desperately need (or thrive on) paparazzi attention. But girl knows how to get it. Because, in classic Stodden style, she wore the tiniest dress with the tallest shoes one could make.
Some Dude From Lost looks so goddamned pleased with himself. That’s a hard look to pull off when you’re a grown man wearing long shorts and flip flops to an upscale restaurant.
Thanks to Too Fab and Celebuzz for these dazzling images.
I would be remiss if I didn’t mention Ms. Stodden’s nude cover for Girls And Corpses. Yes, that’s a real magazine. Very NSFW. (more…)
April 30, 2013 at 3:30 pm by Catherine St. Ives
Courtney Stodden, child bride, rejected an offer from the porn site Twistys (no apostrophe). For those not familiar with Ms. Stodden, I’m not sure how to descibre her other than an 18-going-on-28 year-old who married some dude, Doug Hutchison, from Lost when she was 16 and he was 51. (From this point on I will only be referring to Doug Hutchison as Some Dude From Lost.) Since then she’s been doing her darndest to get our attention somehow, but it’s super tricky, because she’s not really good at anything. She’s like a less talented Kim Kardashian, which says so very much, doesn’t it?
Stodden’s latest attempt at doing something, anything, is music. Yes, that word is used very loosely. She shot a video for her song Reality. Twistys offered to give the video an “erotic” makeover. That means pornographic, as Twistys’ slogan is, “The Most Beautiful Babes in Porn for Over 10 Years!” And now I have that in my browsing history.
Said her manager/mom (yes, mom) to E! News,
Although Courtney is flattered by Twisty’s offer to reshoot her music video for Reality, we have decided to pass.
Some Dude From Lost had no comment.
Carrying the Stodden tourch that Emily and Sarah held so gallantly held high is going to be tough but it is my honor and privilege and I’m going to do my best.
February 21, 2013 at 4:30 pm by Catherine St. Ives
But wait, before you freak out, don’t freak out! It’s a wig! Our dear Courtney Stodden is still just as blonde as ever. But wouldn’t it be neat if she really did dye her hair this dark? I think it would, mostly because then she would look like an even worse drag queen.
Here’s another picture to back that theory up:
Speaking of hair, I’m about to head out to my salon, y’all! Because I’m one of those girls who marks any major life change with a haircut, and since I’m going to be leaving all you darlings in just a few short days, I need to get something major done. I’m taking pictures of Miley Cyrus and Emma Watson, then I’m going to let Jesus take the wheel. I might show you guys what happens if I need you to tell me I’m still pretty.
But speaking of pretty, I need to show you the photo that Courtney posted after those two pictures above, the picture that shows she was just wearing a wig:
Right? Doesn’t she look like a little baby drag queen who hasn’t gotten her routine down quite yet? One that still hasn’t gotten the hang of all those feminine wiles, who still doesn’t hold herself quite right but is trying really, really hard?
January 28, 2013 at 12:30 pm by Emily
Look, I grew up in the Bible Belt. I know a thing or two about what you’re supposed to wear at church. Granted, I’m sure the dress code isn’t exactly the same for every single church everywhere, but I’m also pretty sure I have a good idea about what’s in the realm of appropriateness.
She posted this photo with the caption “Time to go to church :) God bless everyone! Muahhh!!!” So, uh, there’s that.
I don’t know, guys, it’s been a long day. Let’s just criticize Courtney Stodden and call it a night, all right?
January 20, 2013 at 3:00 pm by Emily
Oh guys. I just don’t even know about this day. I kind of give up already, if that’s just alright with you. See, I had to put my dog of twenty-one years (you know who he is) down today, and while Courtney Stodden normally cheers me up in any situation, I just don’t even feel like it this evening. I thought three bowls of Rice Krispies and a cupcake and skipping Zumba tonight might brighten my spirits a bit, but that’s not working, either.
So you know what I’m going to do? I’m just going to leave these photos right here for you, because honestly, regardless of my personal situation, these photos need to be seen. It’s good to know that though things change and change and change, some things—like celebrity gossip duty and valor—don’t budge a bit. Enjoy.