2Courtney Stodden Isn’t Stripping Anymore Because She’s Just Too Much to Handle

I know, I know. Hush, baby birds. It’s ok. I know that Thanksgiving was ruined when we learned that Courtney Stodden wouldn’t be stripping on Thanksgiving Eve. I know how bad that hurt. And the fact that we didn’t get an explanation hurt just as bad, didn’t it? I’m so sorry. I wish I could shield you from all the pain in the world, but I can’t.

However, I can finally give you an explanation for Courtney’s sudden cancellation. Or, well, a few explanations.

Here’s the short and sweet statement from the club itself:

“Her management approached the Abbey but ultimately she just wasn’t a fit.”

And here’s the explanation from Courtney’s mom:

“It was too much for the Abbey to handle, too much press and controversy. Courtney’s not disappointed. She rolls with the punches.”

And finally, here’s the statement from Courtney’s rep about the owners of the club, SBE:

“The reasons for the cancellation provided by SBE are a mystery to us and based on fear, in our opinion. It is most unfortunate that a venue such as the SBE-controlled Abbey needs to approve and censor performers that audiences want to see, and would not be able to control the crowds and paparazzi anxious to see Courtney’s show. Courtney Stodden has a huge gay fan base and truly loves and adores everyone in the community. At this time, Courtney is heartbroken and we are currently seeking alternate opportunities for Courtney to make her debut club performance in West Hollywood.”

So there you go. Courtney is either rolling with the punches or she’s heartbroken, but either way, a Courtney Stodden performance is going to happen. So get ready again, friends. Get them hopes up. Because when you’re Courtney Stodden, nothing can keep you down.

November 16, 2012 at 5:30 am by Emily

7Oh, Never Mind, Courtney Stodden Isn’t Stripping for Thanksgiving

From TMZ:

Courtney Stodden will NOT be flaunting her suspiciously perky 18-year-old breasts at a pole dancing performance next week — because the gay club that booked her … just dropped her like a hot potato.

Courtney’s people tell TMZ, it’s unclear why her performance was abruptly canceled — but they believe the higher ups who own the place pulled the plug on her out of “fear” … whatever that means.

Courtney had been scheduled to ride the pole at the famous Abbey in West Hollywood the night before Thanksgiving.

Don’t be too disappointed — Courtney wasn’t planning to bare her ta-tas for the show anyway … she’s holding out for a much bigger paycheck to do that.

A rep for SBE — the company that owns the Abbey — had no comment.

Courtney’s husband is 52 years old.

I’m so sorry, you guys. I know you were looking forward to this just as much as I was. I know you were just so excited to see Courtney Stodden perform her music and possibly strip on Thanksgiving Eve. But things don’t always work out, you know? Sometimes things just fall through, and we just have to pick ourselves up and move on.

But how wonderful is it that TMZ closed the story with “Courtney’s husband is 52 years old”? Pretty wonderful, right?

November 15, 2012 at 4:30 am by Emily

7Courtney Stodden Will Make Her Stripping Debut on Thanksgiving

How are my fellow Americans planning on spending Thanksgiving this year? Probably eating with family, eating with friends, or eating by yourself, right? That’s fair. But what about Thanksgiving Eve? Do you have any specific plans for that day? Personally, on Thanksgiving Eve I just usually do what I do every other day, except that night I plan my outfit and makeup and everything so that my family can remember to be proud of me that I didn’t get pregnant at 16 and that I’ve never stolen pills from my grandma, but this year I’ll probably do that while wishing so desperately that I was in L.A.

Courtney Stodden is going to make her stripping debut. But wait. She’s going to sing some songs, too. Think about that.

From E! Online:

What’s Courtney Stodden’s next move? Hint: It involves a stripper pole!

First and foremost, however, the 18-year-old is going to be making her live singing debut Nov. 21 at the Abbey in West Hollywood. Flanked by a pair of chiseled dancers, Doug Hutchison’s teen bride will perform her own original song, “Reality,” and yes, pole-dance.

“I’m super excited, it’s going to be such a fun night!” Stodden exclusively tells E! News.  ”You can expect to see a whole lot of sexy—me singing live and super-hot backup dancers!”

“I wouldn’t say I’m nervous, but since it’s my first live performance, I’m feeling a tad anxious—but in a good way!” she said, adding that she’s very excited to meet her fans up close.

“Oh, my goodness, the Abbey is the biggest gay nightclub in the world!” Stodden gushed. “I love, adore and respect the gay community so much and can’t wait to meet everyone. I can’t think of anywhere else to spend Thanksgiving!”

And look for the aspiring artist to channel a range of famous entertainers, not all of them women.

“The singers who’ve influenced me the most are Nancy Sinatra, Marilyn Monroe, Michael Jackson, Rosemary Clooney, Lady Gaga, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera,” she tells us.

Ok, listen up, friends in L.A. Don’t you dare miss this show. A gift is being given to you, and it would be so rude of you to refuse it. Come on, you have the chance to see this bitch pole dance. And I know, I know, the stripping wasn’t mentioned, but you can’t tell me I’m wrong for anticipating it. Like, if you’ll go, I can almost guarantee that you’ll see at least one of Courtney Stodden’s nipples. And you can’t tell me that that’s not worth it.

November 14, 2012 at 4:30 am by Emily

13Hey, Your Breakfast Called, It’d Like Another Word With You

So guys, I’ve got a little story to tell you. See, yesterday morning I traveled to my home state of Pennsylvania for my obligatory every-three-year visit, and so, so much happened. Namely the fact that I spent almost entire seven hours in my vehicle carsick, at least until I crossed into the Pocono mountains, where I’m staying (more on that later), because I’m just not used to driving around in these mountains anymore. Seriously, these big old dips and bends and gullies—they were almost enough to make me pull over, and easily enough to give me the case of the belches and hiccups in an effort to keep the minimal food I’d eaten throughout the course of the day *because* of the carsickness, and that’s … well, that’s pretty gross.

That’s also kind of what happens when I look at this photo of Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison, because I literally haven’t been in my car for at least fourteen hours now—I’m safely tucked away in a friend’s country club vacation home, which, no joke, is f-cking haunted. I don’t know why they didn’t, you know, mention that to begin with, but I spent a good portion of last night wondering why wire hangers were rattling in closets and falling to the ground, or why the sink would turn on ever-so-slightly … so needless to say, I didn’t sleep very well last night. Which didn’t bode all that well with the sensitive condition of yesterday’s stomach, which, when exposed to Courtney Stodden’s comical boobs, Doug Hutchison’s mushroom pallor, and the kiss-mark of stanky red lipstick on Doug’s face, seriously. almost. made me lose it. altogether.

If I don’t run screaming from this vacation now, well. I’m a much, much stronger person than I’ve ever given myself credit for, and that’s a fact.

November 12, 2012 at 4:30 am by Sarah

7Nobody Takes Courtney Stodden Seriously

And could you, with her wearing this kind of stuff ALL the F-CKING TIME?

The latest on Courtney, however, is not necessarily how useless we think she is, it’s how useless other people think Courtney Stodden is, and by “other” people, I mean “people who might have influence over her ‘career’.” No, Courtney and her grandpappy husband, Doug Hutchison, were kicked off ‘Couples Therapy’ this past week because Courtney refused to wear more appropriate clothing for a session or something. I don’t know. I only watch highlights of the show, personally, because I can’t stomach Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison side by side for more than thirty-eight seconds at a time anyway. But if you are one of the ones watching the show, fear not—Courtney and Doug were only banished for a day as “punishment.” A rep for VH1 said:

“I think that Courtney hadn’t fully thought out the repercussions of her actions … Courtney is not used to people actually enforcing the rules with her.”

Courtney later Tweeted:

“Dr. Jenn handled the situation tonight impeccably as a therapist & a human being with a heart.”

And you know, I feel like we do nothing, really, but spew negativity about Courtney Stodden and her situations and circumstances and … well, clothing choices. So here’s me, saying something nice about girlfriend—this is the most clothing she’s ever worn at one time, and even though it would appear she’s trying to channel Taylor Momsen with the flat-ironed, stringy platinum hair (and those g-ddamn stripper stillettos), she’s … well, this is the most clothing she’s ever worn at one time, and it happened in these pictures.

November 8, 2012 at 5:30 pm by Sarah

2Hey, Nice Hair, Courtney Stodden

The caption to the above photo? This:

Getting lay’d on the way back home. ;) #yum

My personal response (here, not on Twitter)?

Gagging last night’s NyQuil gelcaps up. #whee and #urk

On a more serious note, though, Courtney‘s hairstyle is probably the best it’s ever been. This girl’s massive, overtanned fivehead is positively made for bangs, and it’s high time she went and maximized the area she’s working with. She’s looking better and better, what with laying off all of the black eyeliner and the Frosted Pinched Nipples lipstick, and the bangs—and pink lipstick—really suit her well.

As for the tits? Well. That happened, as it always happens, and here we are discussing her hair and makeup. We must be desensitized to what’s going on below the neck with this chick, laws yes.

November 7, 2012 at 11:30 am by Sarah