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Courtney Stodden

15Courtney Stodden Gives Beauty Tips

courtney stodden beauty

Courtney Stodden is pretty much a modern day Grace Kelly so I was overjoyed to read her interview with E Online about her beauty and workout routines. Unfortunately she doesn’t say anything that interesting or specific nor does she admit to being a 27 year-old living hoax. I wanted some real info here, something like,

“I wake up at 6 AM and jog around my living room in my highest heels, because they really work my glutes. Then I pretend to drown in the swimming pool — that’s really good cardio. For breakfast I have a protein shake made of whey, bananas, and crushed ecstasy tablets. For lunch I have anywhere from 3 -7 green Jello shots. Green only, for the nutrients. I work out again in the early evening, just 1,000 crunches, nothing too intense, and then I spend 4 hours putting on makeup so that I can walk around West Hollywood with my husband, Some Dude From Lost. My dinner is totally insane: grilled salmon, steamed spinach, and brown rice. I know, I’m so bad!”

but no. Here’s what she really said. From EOnline:

I absolutely love my body and everything about it. I work hard at keeping it tight and in shape, which gives me the confidence to show it off and feel great about myself. … Sometimes I wish [my lips] were a little more pouty when putting on my lipstick. So, eventually, I might look into plumping them just a tad.

My stomach [is my favorite body part]. It’s very toned and defined, so I like showing it off!

She says her husband’s favorite body part of hers are her “eyes.” Yeah. Eyes. E! then asked for her tips on looking hot in a bikini and what her diet/exercise regime is.

Work out, eat right, and tell yourself that no one else can work a bikini like you can.

I definitely try my hardest at [keeping in shape] a priority, yes. I do ab exercises, squats, take hikes through the Hollywood Hills and I hardly eat after 6 p.m. on a normal night.

As if any night is a normal night for Courtney Stodden. And her are some of her tips on how to gain more confidence:

Start with looking in the mirror, and point out the parts of your body that you love and wouldn’t want to change. That makes you feel more confident, and when you’re more confident about yourself, you’re that much more sexy to others.

She adds that “A pair of 7-inch heels!” make her feel like a million bucks. There’s a joke here. I’ll let you make it up.

May 29, 2013 at 5:30 pm by Catherine St. Ives
Filed Under: Courtney Stodden

3Courtney Stodden Wore A Sheer Top And 6 Inch Heels To Disneyland

courtney stodden disneyland outfit

Courtney Stodden always knows how to dress appropriately for any and all occasions, so I didn’t bat and eye when I saw these stunning photos of her strolling around Disneyland and California Adventure in an elegant pink push-up halter top with sheer overlay and 6 inch pink platform spike heels. Some Dude From Lost was at her side, kind of like a bandaid that you’ve had on your body for a while and the adhesive is wearing off but it’s your last bandaid so you’re going to make the most of it.

Say what you will about this couple (some ideas: “What the f-ck is this” and “This is creepy”) but they were celebrating their 2 year wedding anniversary and that’s a lot longer than most Hollywood marriages. So far, Courtney Stodden and Some Dude From Lost have outlasted the marriages of:

Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries
Drew Barrymore and Tom Green
Nicolas Cage and Lisa Marie Presley
Katy Perry and Russell Brand
Jennifer Lopez and Cris Judd
Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock + Pamela Anderson and Rick Salomon
Shannen Doherty and Rick Salomon + Shannen Doherty and Ashley Hamilton
– Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney

You get the idea.

Happy anniversary!!

courtney stodden disneyland outfit doug hutchinson

May 21, 2013 at 3:30 pm by Catherine St. Ives
Filed Under: Courtney Stodden

6Courtney Stodden Practically Asks Us To Beg For Her Sex Tape

courtney-stodden

Courtney Stodden says she made a sex tape, and thankfully it’s not with Some Dude From Lost. No, this tape is all Stodden. “Tape.” It’s probably a digital recording, although she swears no one can “hack” it. I’ll just let her speak in her own darling words. From Eonline:

Hackers, don’t even go there cause you’ll find nothing.

YEAH HACKERS, DON’T EVEN. Justo to reiterate, her husband/Some Dude From Lost is NOT in the video. She says,

[It's] just me. I don’t want to put any images in people’s mind; I’m gonna leave it up to you guys to think what you want.

Thank you, Courtney! So kind of you. She says she’s not going to release it (“no, this is personal”) and that it was recently done because, “I turned 18 in August, so you do the math.”

Ms. Stodden also said she hasn’t submitted any nude photos to Playboy yet, as though they’re waiting on baited breath. I think they’re probably too intimidated by her naked shoot for Girls And Corpses magazine to take her on, because how could they do better? Once you elevate something, you gotta keep it rising.

So enjoy these photos of Ms. Stodden from “a fashion show in West Hollywood.”

May 17, 2013 at 3:30 pm by Catherine St. Ives
Filed Under: Courtney Stodden

4Courtney Stodden Makes Amanda Bynes Seem Sane

courtney stodden elmo big bird

Courtney Stodden, how I love thee. You are SUCH a Sriracha hot mess. Your “candid” photos make Amanda Bynesselfies look like a Vanity Fair photo shoot. Okay that’s a bit much, but they’re certainly more cringe-worthy. At least I think so. Bynes is like, “F-ck it, I’m going to hold my boobs in front of my bathroom mirror” — she even hashtagged “long hair don’t care” — whereas Ms. Stodden walks around dressed inappropriately with her old as hell husband Some Dude From Lost followed by hired paparazzi all while pretending to be coy.

Here’s her latest shoot. She’s hanging out in a kid’s store. And she looks as though she could be wearing the clothes sold in the kids store. Because they’re tiny. Not because they sell stripper heels to children. …yet.

I cannot believe she’s only 18!

Who do YOU think is the bigger train wreck: Stodden or Bynes?

May 9, 2013 at 4:30 am by Catherine St. Ives
Filed Under: Courtney Stodden

4Let’s Check In With Courtney Stodden: Yup, Still Wearing Tiny Clothes And No Clothes

courtney stodden doug

Courtney Stodden, the 18 year-old bride of Some Dude From Lost, makes me smile when I’m feeling blue. She’s the quintessential non celebrity. I like to check in on her every once in a while and see how she’s doing. I’m still not entirely convinced that she’s a real person. Maybe this entire persona is a Joaquin type situation.

Ms. Stodden recently went to The Ivy, the saddest place you could go if you’re a celebrity. Real celebrities do not go to The Ivy. You only go to The Ivy if you desperately need (or thrive on) paparazzi attention. But girl knows how to get it. Because, in classic Stodden style, she wore the tiniest dress with the tallest shoes one could make.

Some Dude From Lost looks so goddamned pleased with himself. That’s a hard look to pull off when you’re a grown man wearing long shorts and flip flops to an upscale restaurant.

Thanks to Too Fab and Celebuzz for these dazzling images.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention Ms. Stodden’s nude cover for Girls And Corpses. Yes, that’s a real magazine. Very NSFW. (more…)

April 30, 2013 at 3:30 pm by Catherine St. Ives

8Courtney Stodden Does NOT Want to Do Porn

courtney stodden twitterCourtney Stodden, child bride, rejected an offer from the porn site Twistys (no apostrophe). For those not familiar with Ms. Stodden, I’m not sure how to descibre her other than an 18-going-on-28 year-old who married some dude, Doug Hutchison, from Lost when she was 16 and he was 51. (From this point on I will only be referring to Doug Hutchison as Some Dude From Lost.) Since then she’s been doing her darndest to get our attention somehow, but it’s super tricky, because she’s not really good at anything. She’s like a less talented Kim Kardashian, which says so very much, doesn’t it?

Stodden’s latest attempt at doing something, anything, is music. Yes, that word is used very loosely. She shot a video for her song Reality. Twistys offered to give the video an “erotic” makeover. That means pornographic, as Twistys’ slogan is, “The Most Beautiful Babes in Porn for Over 10 Years!” And now I have that in my browsing history.

Said her manager/mom (yes, mom) to E! News,

Although Courtney is flattered by Twisty’s offer to reshoot her music video for Reality, we have decided to pass.

Some Dude From Lost had no comment.

Before you say anything, let us have a moment of silence for Lindsay‘s Playboy cover.

Carrying the Stodden tourch that Emily and Sarah held so gallantly held high is going to be tough but it is my honor and privilege and I’m going to do my best.

February 21, 2013 at 4:30 pm by Catherine St. Ives