I have titled my post “Today’s Courtney Stodden” because every night she goes to bed in stilettos and bunny ears and somehow wakes up a new woman. Today’s Courtney Stodden is nothing like Yesterday’s Courtney Stodden.
What I am saying is, Today’s Courtney is wearing a leopard-print synthetic-fur coat and not much else. Do you know what is in a synthetic-fur coat? Acrylic. Coal. Petroleum. Limestone. It’s true. Look it up.
I don’t know. I’m sorry. I always want to be insightful when I blog, but try as I might, it is very nearly impossible to preface these photos of Courtney Stodden in a red bikini, just hoochying it up on some random sidewalk. (To be fair, the teen was taping a thingie for Funny or Die, but at this point I’m like “Courtney Stodden wore a bikini out in broad daylight? And in public? And in a residential neighborhood? And she stole my ex-boyfriend’s mom’s faux-fur coat? Zzz.”)
(Images via Yeeeah! except seriously don’t bother because every photograph looks exactly the same.)
December 10, 2011 at 4:00 am by Jenn
Ugh, her husband’s such a schlub, right? Girlfriend here looks just so classy and classic and clean and her man shows up wearing a grungy t-shirt, beanie hat, and leather jacket. She must be so embarrassed. My Christmas wish this year would be that Courtney Stodden find a classy, classic man who can really accentuate her classy, classic style and bring out the best of her classy, classic, old Hollywood starlet vibe. I’m just waiting for her to break free, guys, and when it happens, oh boy. It’s going to just be glorious.
Sorry about that ^^. I just love the song so hard.
December 7, 2011 at 12:30 pm by Sarah
OK, so we officially can’t talk about this video until you’ve watched it. Go ahead, I’ve got a minute or so to kill and pour a second cup of coffee, let me know when you’re done.
Alright, done? Good? What’s that, you’re still wiping the tears of laughter from your eyes and can’t see the screen just yet? OK, how about this: ARE YOU DONE YET? DID YOU WATCH THE ENTIRE VIDEO? No, I’m not shouting, I’m just … never mind. Alright.
Ready? Together, and on the count of three – one, two, three: LOL! LOL!! ROFLCOPTER! Courtney wants to bring back the “classy, beautiful edge of old Hollywood”? Oh I could just die. I could just die. Also, at the very end when she was talking about “the career of Courtney Stodden.” Yeah. Er, “Yeah!” I mean, of course.
Here’s some of that great music she’s been busy making, too. BEWARE.
December 1, 2011 at 3:30 pm by Sarah
And why wouldn’t she? After all, Courtney Stodden is, among other things, a deeply religious young lady, and as such, she truly understands the meaning of Christmas. She definitely has the holiday spirit about her, and to prove it, I’ll show you a few of her famous tweets that explain just how excited she is for the holidays!
Feeling icy & exotic as a snowy white sheer sweater drapes from my sensuous shape while my soul becomes enchanted with the holiday spirit!
Caressing the essence of Christmas with my flirty spirit as I festively dive into a sexy santa suit & jingle my bells to hot holiday hits!
Mr Santa Claus? If I let you seductively slide down my stocking & taste every piece of my candy… will I still be on your naughty list?
When rds become magically aligned with the shimmering crystals of Christmas & folks glaze their homes with frosting; Life becomes a fantasy
Dear Mr Santa: When you silently sneak down my chimney this year & into my home… I guarantee you will be leaving saying HO-HO-HO! ;) XOs
Dear Santa: Since you work so HARD to satisfy, I will be leaving you a lil’ more than just creamy cookies for your sweet tooth this year…
Um, is anyone allowed to talk about Santa Claus like this? Does anyone else feel like they just broke a law by reading these tweets? Actually, forget the law, does anyone else feel like they need a bath?
December 1, 2011 at 4:30 am by Emily
Aw, now, isn’t that sweet? The life of a princess. Sleeping ’til noon, sexy outfits, hair and makeup done like what, mochas? She’s totally industrious, too, with that whole making-her-own-coffee thing. That’s pretty impressive. I have a damn hard time foaming my own milk, but Courtney here has apparently got the gig down pat. I see I have some stuff to catch up on, criminy.
Oh, also, I apologize profusely for the “two Courtney Stodden posts in one day” thing. Sometimes you just can’t help yourself, and folks, this is one of them. I simply couldn’t deprive you of the goodness and entertainment that is girlfriend’s whole-body facial tic.
November 30, 2011 at 3:30 pm by Sarah
When I was a kid, my parents didn’t make me go to church. I went to vacation bible school every summer, but that wasn’t so much because I was into church, it was more that I really missed going to school and I thoroughly enjoyed coloring pictures of Jesus. But when I stayed at my cousins’ house, my crazy aunt did make me go to church. I can remember packing up some clothes for a sleepover and being filled with excitement until my crazy aunt poked her head in my room to say “don’t forget some church clothes!”
And that is how I know that what Courtney Stodden is wearing up there is most certainly NOT church clothes. Church clothes are modest and conservative: nice cardigans and skirts that are at least knee length. Somehow Courtney missed that memo and instead wore her usual mess (Courtney, honey, your toes go inside your shoe) to church last Sunday.
Is this appropriate? Is it cute? Does anyone understand why she insists on wearing that awful arm band?
Image courtesy of E!