Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Courtney Stodden

Get Into the Groove: Courtney Stodden (Yes, Again) Wants to Start an Internet Trend

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Yup, and it has nothing to do with “planking” or “owling,” whatever the hell that one was. Courtney Stodden wants to – ahem, see above – start a fad called “floor flashing.” And who knows – it might actually catch on, if she used a hash tag to promote it. That shit spreads like wildfire.

I don’t really care much about Courtney‘s new endeavor, however. What I want to talk about is how her tits, while she’s laying on the floor, look exactly as they do when she’s upright. What the hell is that? Honestly, if you don’t know what I mean, turn your monitor or screen on its side. Or, you know, be a computer whiz and rotate the photo to make it look like she’s standing instead of lying on her damn kitchen floor looking like she’s ready for the pool boy to give her the hose. See? Tits – the same. Apparently the same tits that’re there when she’s strutting her stuff in her halter tops and clear-strapped gel bras.

In short? Those bitches must be like rocks.

Courtney Stodden/Chris Crocker Collaboration Now in the Works

Photo: CROCKERSTODDEN: the unholy Frankenstein of social media whoring

We haven’t seen too much of Chris Crocker around these parts lately—although, back in June, we did see too much of Chris Crocker’s parts. I think we all needed a six-month vacation from Mr. Crocker. You’re welcome.

But Crocker, an unabashed whore for fame—which is refreshing in its own way—is looking to again raise his, um, profile. And what better woman to pave Crocker’s road to stardom than the inimitable Courtney Stodden! He can ride her transparent bra-straps to Internet infamy.

PopBytes has a transcript of the brainstorm in action:

ChrisCrocker: @CourtneyStodden Courtney, I just feel like we’re kindred spirits. Shall I make a #LeaveCourtneyAlone video?

CourtneyStodden: @ChrisCrocker Our souls are timelessly connected Chris – That video would be such a divine creation! Love you… muah! XOs

ChrisCrocker: @CourtneyStodden That means so much, Court. (if I may call u that.) I hope that someday we can have tea and cross our legs like girlfriends!

CourtneyStodden: @ChrisCrocker Let’s hookup… message my private contact ;) facebook.com/therillcourtne… &/or youtube.com/courtneystodden

A “divine creation“? More like an “unholy union.”

There you have it, Crocker: unsurprisingly, Courtney Stodden is totally on board with whatever it is your sneaky little brain is cooking up. I just love it when artists collaborate.

Well, kids? When you put two Wrongs together, can they make a Right?

Courtney + Chris =
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Gee, Courtney Stodden, I Didn’t Know You Liked Books

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Hell, I didn’t even know she could read. I’m pretty sure they get into the really, really in-depth English stuff in the 9th grade, and I’m not sure she actually made it there (she was probably preparing for her bachelorette party or choosing wedding flowers or something), so unless the book is Go, Dog, Go! or Snooki’s latest monstrosity, I’m willing to bet her purchases didn’t exactly top the charts in classical reading. I mean, hell, you even need a reading level of grade 12 to understand Roots, so I’m not exactly giving her the benefit of the doubt here, guys.

I don’t know, though – maybe I should. Courtney here seems to be the master of alliteration, and to be that good requires a relatively strong, healthy vocabulary. Courtney would need a good, strong vocabulary to circumnavigate constant conquests of converging beyond constant, catty, completely cantankerous criticism closing in concisely around her. But COURTNEY CAN’T CAPITULATE.

Here are some of her most recent Tweets, and if this doesn’t kick your New Year off in the right direction, well, friends. You’re probably better off back in 2011 where Kim Kardashian‘s Kohl’s Kollection hit stores and people actually kared.

From Courtney’s Twitter:

“Soakin up my bikini bod in a very heated hot tub overlooking LA as my charming new guard flauntingly feeds me chocolate dipped strawberries.”

Right. And:

“Had such a vivacious adventure @ Venice Beach today. Now its time for this tasty temptress to tiptoe into 2012 – HAPPY NEW YEAR! Muah XOs…”

And of course, we can’t forget about how she spends her mornings:

“Placed outside on my patio –provocatively wrapped in a sheer white sheet while enjoying the morning shine & a savory berry breakfast. Muah!”

Lastly, what would life be like if we weren’t subjected to constant Tweets about her and her grandpa’s sex life?:

“Romance becomes restless as I angelically swing above the bed wearing nothing but wings! Sweet dreams XOs”

Each and every time girlfriend appears on my Twitter feed, I know that I’m in for a pleasant surprise, and incidentally, I have a feeling that 2012 is going to be her year. The Year of Courtney Stodden. The Year of the Classy, Beautiful Edge of Old Hollywood brought to you explicitly by Courtney Stodden. I mean, has anyone actually ever died of anticipation? This girl’s going to be the first victim.

My head’s positively spinning. Courtney Stodden’s already been so busy this year, you guys. What have you done in the last forty-eight hours that’s actually made any difference, huh?

The 5 Best (and Worst!) ‘Stars Without Makeup’ of 2011

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Ah, how often we forget that celebrities are actually “real” people, much like we are, and how grafitying it can be to see them doing normal things like going to the gym, buying coffee, and wearing hats to try and disguise just how normal they are.

Here’re the 5 Best Celebrities Without Makeup of 2011:

#5 – Sammi Giancola
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So, right, I realize that she’s not technically without makeup, but compared to what she *usually* looks like, this is as bare-faced as it gets, guys.

#4 – Miranda Kerr
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This one is kind of a given, because if you’re a Victoria’s Secret supermodel, you’re contractually obligated to look like this. OF COURSE she’s going to show up on the “good” side of this list somewhere.

#3 – Khloe Kardashian
photo of khloe kardashian no makeup pics
Some of you probably think that it’s a joke, or a mistake, that Khloe ended up on this side of the post, but compared to her older drama queen sisters, Khloe-sans-makeup is refreshing enough to make you forget that she doesn’t look all that great in comparison to what she looks like with makeup. So in the paradox world of the Kardashians, that makes her look AMAZING in the real world.

#2 – Kirstie Alley
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Here’s another one that might have you scratching at your head, but Kirstie here is included on the ‘Best’ list because she looks her AGE. And she goes out in public not really giving a f-ck about what people think about her face, and that’s probably more attractive than most of the plasticky people we talk about overall.

#1 – Jennifer Love Hewitt
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Bitch please. Did you think you were going to escape 2011 without at least one more “I LOVE JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT” post?

Jump in for the worst!

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But What Did You Get for Christmas, Courtney Stodden?

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Last week, I jumped the gun a little by telling you that Courtney Stodden was sharing her 12 (wrong) days of Christmas on her Twitter. However, this year, for me, anyway, Courtney Stodden has really become synonymous with Christmas joy, so I really feel like I would be amiss by not sharing with you guys what exactly Courtney’s true love gave to her:

On the 1st day of Christmas my true love gave to me: A pretty pair of pink panties…

On the 2nd day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Two tiny tees…

On the 3rd day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Three thick thesauri…

On the 4th day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Four faux furs…

On the 5th day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Five frisky flings…

On the 6th day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Six Salacious Santas…

On the 7th day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Seven sexy swimsuits…

On the 8th day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Eight Erotic Elves…

On the 9th day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Nine Naughty Nighties…

On the 10th day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Ten tickley toys…

On the 11th day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Eleven elegant earrings…… Can you guess where the extra earring goes? ;) XOs

On the 12th day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Twelve tempting truffles… Have a very Merry Christmas everyone! God Bless XOs

And there you have it, friends.  I hope your holiday season is just as lovely as Courtney’s, and that we all have a glorious 2012 together (and yes, Courtney is included. You don’t really think we’re going to leave her behind, do you?).

Blind Item: Which Reality Star Wanted A Threesome with Doug Hutchison and Courtney Stodden?

Tragically, I have no real guesses as to who this could be. Let me give you all the details, then you can let me know what you think:

This female two time former reality star who was married to another reality star/actor recently offered her services to Doug Hutchison and Courtney Stodden saying that she would make a great third to their “relationship.” They turned her down.

A lot of people are guessing Adrianne Curry on this one, even though she definitely appeared on more than one reality show (America’s Next Top Model, The Surreal Life, and My Fair Brady). I don’t know if that would be a total dealbreaker though, because everything else fits.

Personally, I think I’m too disgusted by the thought of someone wanting to be part of this creepy relationship. Could you even imagine? Someone apparently caught a glimpse of this enchanting dynamic and couldn’t help but try to be a part of it. Do you have any guesses for who this poor human being could be?

This Is Probably The Creepiest Thing You Will Ever See

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Yesterday, Sarah showed you a delightful gallery of photos of Courtney Stodden rubbing herself all over Doug Hutchison, who was dressed as Santa Claus. And it was horrible and a little nauseating but, as always, it was hard to look away.

Well, now we have the video of Courtney rubbing on Santa Claus. And it’s still a little hard to look away, but you might have to, depending on how sensitive your gag reflex is. Because this is the grossest, creepiest little video that ever was. This is the first time since our introduction to Doug and Courtney that I actually had to stop and look at something else because I felt too dirty and too uncomfortable to go on.

So what I’m trying to say is “you’re welcome!”