What’s that? You’ve been wondering where Courtney Stodden’s been all these weeks? Well. Look no further (as if you’d have to look any further than her personal YouTube channel, anyway—thing’s like a walking diary): Courtney Stodden has recorded a very special fourth of July tribute for you, clad in a stars and stripes-motif bikini and dancing about as well as I do (which is to say, not well even a little bit). I mean, most of her dance moves consist of doing things with her backside that make her look like she’s about to take a dump. And doing the sprinkler. And that disco move, whatever that is.
Also, I maintain that Courtney looks like a skinny, scrawny teenager, save for those obviously fake boobs. Look at her legs. Her hips. Her ass. It’s all totally new-pubescent.
Incidentally, if you’re wondering what we’re in store for once Courtney turns eighteen next month (!!!), this video should suffice in summing it all up:
Is it too late, you think, to say that I’m worried about Courtney Stodden?
July 9, 2012 at 10:30 am by Sarah
Yes, that is a photo of Courtney Stodden playing tennis in those stripper heels. Honestly, I’m concerned. Does she really have that much faith in her ability to maneuver those awful things? Does she think she’s above a twisted ankle? Or does she just not have any other shoes?
Hey, you know that awful story about that poor bus monitor who got viciously bullied by a couple of middle school students? And it was really sad and depressing (at least, I’m guessing it was, I still haven’t been able to bring myself to watch the video), but then someone started an online fundraiser to get her a kickass vacation? Maybe we should do something like that for Courtney, but with shoes! Can someone get a Nike fund started somewhere?
Until then, check out the rest of these glorious photos from Celebuzz. If Courtney’s rhinestone bellybutton ring doesn’t scream “champion,” then I don’t know what does.
June 26, 2012 at 6:30 am by Emily
Well, I’m speechless. Ok, I have one thing to say: skip ahead to the 0:46 mark and tell me when Marilyn Monroe wore shoes like that, where Courtney gets shoes like that, and if anyone in the whole entire world wears them besides strippers with amazing balance. There, now I’m speechless.
Since I’m so taken aback by Courtney’s meaningful tribute video, I’ll just show you some of the thoughts from the YouTube commenters, and we can get a discussion going that way, all right?
lol? omg brb crying for humanity
i feel? like im watching 90′s porn :\
…except Marilyn had a little something called? class.
I LOVE Courtney’s tribute to Marilyn Monroe. She was able to? capture her essence & beauty very well! We all have our own inner Marilyn that we need to embrace! Doug is a very Lucky man! Love you Girl!
There, I think that’s a pretty good representation of the kind of comments Courtney’s getting for this. What are your thoughts? Did Courtney truly capture the essence of Marilyn Monroe? Exactly how much classier was Marilyn Monroe than Courtney Stodden? Meth?
June 18, 2012 at 2:30 pm by Emily
Did you watch that video? Ok, now think about this: there were two other people in the car with her, the driver and the person with the video camera. That’s two people who got into a car with Courtney Stodden of their own free will. Can you imagine?
I know that I have a morbid fascination with this girl and the bat shit crazy that is happening inside her head, but the difference is that I can shut it out when I want to. And by the way, I definitely did with this video. I tried watching it four or five times before I actually managed to make it through. But there are some people – her husband, for instance – who have to deal with this on a regular basis. There are people who listen to her screeching firsthand.
There are also people who have to (get to?) witness this kind of thing firsthand:
Oh, and if you can make it to the end of the video, you can see that the person filming it is a woman, and I’m pretty sure it’s Courtney’s mom. BUT someone took a picture of her filming Courtney … her father, perhaps? Just mull that one over for a minute.
June 13, 2012 at 6:30 am by Emily
A few years ago, on the fourth of July, my dad and I were going over to my grandma’s house for a cookout, and I was subjected to one of the most awkward moments of my entire life. He was driving, and we were going down the main road through town with the windows down. He pulled up to the stoplight by the auto parts store, where there was a huge car wash fundraiser happening in the parking lot. We came to a stop right beside a man who was standing on the shoulder of the road, holding a sign and urging people to get their cars washed for whatever his cause was. Since we were conveniently close, he leaned down and started talking to us. Did he talk about what they were trying to raise money for, or how much a regular old scrubbing would cost?
No. He leaned down to the window, a few inches from my face, and screamed “RIM JOB, 25 CENTS! Come get your rim job! You won’t find a cheaper, better rim job than this! Come on, don’t you want a good rim job? A quarter for a rim job! RIGHT THIS WAY FOR YOUR RIM JOB.”
The light finally turned green, and we drove away. I tried really hard, but a few seconds later I couldn’t keep it in anymore, and I started laughing. My dad starting laughing too, and we didn’t stop until we got to my grandma’s. Then I freaked out for a few hours because while I always knew that my dad and I have a very similar sense of humor, I never thought we’d be laughing together about rim jobs.
These pictures of Courtney Stodden reminded me of that story because they’re awkward, and while they made me laugh at first, in the end, I’m mostly just disturbed. Also, there’s the car washing theme, but thankfully, no rims in sight.
May 26, 2012 at 7:00 am by Emily
Look, I know some of you don’t enjoy reading about Courtney Stodden. I know some of you don’t get any amusement from watching her prance around like a jackass. But people say the same thing about Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian, right? And they’re pretty much staples in the world of gossip. Sometimes there are just people in this world that are so fascinating that they’re able to achieve fame by doing absolutely nothing. And of course I don’t mean fascinating in a good way, I mean that these people are so ridiculous, ignorant, entitled, or any number of other negative attributes that they’re interesting to watch. I don’t have a good thing to say about any of these people, other than that they’ve brought me a giggle at their expense a time or two. But they’re not going anywhere, and they put in so much effort to get media attention, and, you know, I have a job to do. And that’s why you hear so much about Courtney Stodden.
Besides, this girl is eating Purina Cat Chow out of the bag and kicking around a litter box in a pair of lucite heels. What kind of monster would I be if I didn’t share that with you?