Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Courtney Stodden

Of Course Courtney Stodden Might Actually Do Porn

photo of courtney stodden doing porn pictures
So, since Courtney Stodden turned eighteen (yesterday. That would be yesterday), it’s been confirmed that she’s been completely inundated with offers to do porn. Emily mentioned to you guys that Courtney was leaving some pretty cryptic messages to her Twitter followers, and after hearing the latest news, one of them just sticks out like a throbbing …. thumb:

“There are quite a few secrets that we cannot tell you right now, but expect to see a lot!”

And the reason that, now, it’s all sort of gelling for me is because TMZ claims that Courtney might actually be considering one (or many) of the varied feature roles in some up-and-coming pornographic films.

Um, from TMZ:

Courtney Stodden says she definitely has NOT ruled out any of the porn offers that have rolled in since she turned 18 this morning.

Stodden just called in to “TMZ Live” … and told us she’s been “flooded” with XXX offers from the moment she became “legal” … and the thought of her getting intimate with another man is freaking out her 52-year-old hubby.

Still, Court says … “I’m not gonna say yes right now … and I’m not gonna say no.”

So OK. I would take that to mean that Courtney’s going to completely bypass any and all Playboy offers, and go right for the jugular. I know that nothing we can say will change this precocious eighteen-year-old’s mind, but dear God, let me please ask for one thing—please, please, please don’t let Courtney’s potential porno(s) also star Doug Hutchison. Please. Because there are many, many fragile minds that just might break if they had to witness such atrocities. Please just let Doug be OK with his eighteen-year-old wife banging other dudes, and not him, for money to pay rent, OK? Would that be all right?

Happy Birthday, Courtney Stodden!

A photo of Courtney Stodden

It seems like just yesterday that we first met that darling, precocious child bride, Courtney Stodden. Back when we first got to know and love this girl, she was just 16 years old, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and ready to take on the world. But a couple of years have passed, and now? Now she’s 18. She’s legally an adult. So what is she doing now?

Well, I’m not really sure what she’s doing right at this minute, but here are some of her tweets from the past few days:

1 more week until the big 18 xxx meow

Birthday is in 3 more days … wonder what the hubby is going to get me? :) Hmm … xxx

Only 2 more days until I get to blow eighteen … ummm … candles ;) xxx

Well xxx, the big 18 has been achieved xxx, so what did the hubby (xxx) get her?

A photo of Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison

That darling little puppy! He’s an Italian Greyhound. His name is Dourtney. No, really. Because according to Doug, that’s all she wanted:

“One of the many reasons why I love and admire my wife is that she didn’t ask for bling on her landmark 18th birthday. She didn’t ask for expensive clothes or shoes, a flashy party, an extravagant vacation, a luxurious car or to be taken out on the town.”

We all caught that a 52-year-old dude just said that he loves his wife because she doesn’t ask for fancy things for her 18th birthday, right? Awesome.

As for Courtney, she hasn’t opened up a whole lot just yet (that phrasing was honestly unintentional, by the way), but here’s what she did have to say about what we can look forward to now that she’s legal:

“There are quite a few secrets that we cannot tell you right now, but expect to see a lot!”

Oh god. How many hours till we see this girl’s vagina, do you think?

We Figured Out More Details About Courtney Stodden’s Reality Show …

A photo of Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison

And I’m really sorry, you guys, but I think you might be disappointed.

It turns out that while Courtney Stodden is, in fact, filming a reality show, it’s not the show we had hoped for. It’s not a new show focusing on the wonderful life of Courtney Stodden, or a new show focusing on Courtney’s journey to become a porn star. It’s not a new show at all.

Right this very second, Courtney is filming with the love of her whole young life, Doug Hutchison. And they’re going to be featured on the latest season of VH1′s Couples Therapy. I KNOW.

It turns out that Courtney – take a deep breath now – feels that her marriage to Doug is, despite all we’ve come to believe, NOT perfect. They’re doing the show so they can work on their issues, which, according to someone involved with the production, are due to “their age difference and the notoriety they’ve gotten because of their relationship.” I hope they work on what I’d imagine is the main problem though, which would be the fact that Courtney is way more famous than Doug’s ever been. That’s really got to hurt the old pride, right?

Whatever their issues are, I really hope they work it out. Even though, as Courtney said last year, “51 plus 16 equals sexy love.” Then what about 52 plus 17, Courtney? What does that equal, heartache and misery?

It’s so hard to believe in love anymore, you guys. Especially sexy love.

Guess Who’s Finally Getting A Reality Show!

A photo of Courtney Stodden

I didn’t think this glory would ever come to pass. I didn’t believe that we deserved something so purely wonderful. I thought that this was just a dream that could never make its way into reality, a beautiful notion that was too precious for this world. But I was so wrong.

Courtney Stodden is finally getting that reality show, y’all!

Or, ok, she’s filming a reality show. And the only place we’ve heard this news from is Courtney’s Twitter, where she made this announcement a couple of days ago:

FYI Stoddenista’s: Will be m.i.a for about 3 weeks – packing up & heading out to shoot a reality show! Love you all xxx God Bless, Courtney

Oh, because by the way, she calls her fans “Stoddenistas.” Because she has fans. Crazy, right?

And here’s another interesting fact: you know what else happens in “about three weeks”? Courtney turns 18. That can’t be a coincidence, right?

Courtney Stodden is Going to be a Stripper for Her 18th Birthday

photo of courtney stodden eighteen pictures
Or, at least, judging by her photo, you’d think she’d be, because this current getup—like many of her other getups—is straight out of an 80′s budget strip club.

Also, can we talk about girlfriend’s beat-ass Lucite heels for a second? Because these bitches are just worse for the wear. She’s worn them so much that the plastic on top is actually starting to crack and yellow. Does she really love these shoes *so hard* that she’s willing to look like trash in order to keep them? Wait. … No, actually, don’t answer that.

Anyway, Courtney‘s birthday is in a few short weeks. It’s on August 29th, and the stripper allusions weren’t all that far off. No, Courtney’s retweeting people’s suggestions that she do Playboy for her eighteenth birthday. As, you know, a present to herself, of course:

photo of courtney stodden twitter pictures
It’s coming, guys. You mark my words. I mean, how else is she going to pay for these trashy clothes and grungy heels otherwise?

Courtney Stodden Wishes You a Happy Independence Day Season!

What’s that? You’ve been wondering where Courtney Stodden’s been all these weeks? Well. Look no further (as if you’d have to look any further than her personal YouTube channel, anyway—thing’s like a walking diary): Courtney Stodden has recorded a very special fourth of July tribute for you, clad in a stars and stripes-motif bikini and dancing about as well as I do (which is to say, not well even a little bit). I mean, most of her dance moves consist of doing things with her backside that make her look like she’s about to take a dump. And doing the sprinkler. And that disco move, whatever that is.

Also, I maintain that Courtney looks like a skinny, scrawny teenager, save for those obviously fake boobs. Look at her legs. Her hips. Her ass. It’s all totally new-pubescent.

Incidentally, if you’re wondering what we’re in store for once Courtney turns eighteen next month (!!!), this video should suffice in summing it all up:

Is it too late, you think, to say that I’m worried about Courtney Stodden?

Courtney Stodden Is A Serious Athlete

A photo of Courtney Stodden

Yes, that is a photo of Courtney Stodden playing tennis in those stripper heels. Honestly, I’m concerned. Does she really have that much faith in her ability to maneuver those awful things? Does she think she’s above a twisted ankle? Or does she just not have any other shoes?

Hey, you know that awful story about that poor bus monitor who got viciously bullied by a couple of middle school students? And it was really sad and depressing (at least, I’m guessing it was, I still haven’t been able to bring myself to watch the video), but then someone started an online fundraiser to get her a kickass vacation? Maybe we should do something like that for Courtney, but with shoes! Can someone get a Nike fund started somewhere?

Until then, check out the rest of these glorious photos from Celebuzz. If Courtney’s rhinestone bellybutton ring doesn’t scream “champion,” then I don’t know what does.