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Courtney Stodden

We Figured Out More Details About Courtney Stodden’s Reality Show …

A photo of Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison

And I’m really sorry, you guys, but I think you might be disappointed.

It turns out that while Courtney Stodden is, in fact, filming a reality show, it’s not the show we had hoped for. It’s not a new show focusing on the wonderful life of Courtney Stodden, or a new show focusing on Courtney’s journey to become a porn star. It’s not a new show at all.

Right this very second, Courtney is filming with the love of her whole young life, Doug Hutchison. And they’re going to be featured on the latest season of VH1′s Couples Therapy. I KNOW.

It turns out that Courtney – take a deep breath now – feels that her marriage to Doug is, despite all we’ve come to believe, NOT perfect. They’re doing the show so they can work on their issues, which, according to someone involved with the production, are due to “their age difference and the notoriety they’ve gotten because of their relationship.” I hope they work on what I’d imagine is the main problem though, which would be the fact that Courtney is way more famous than Doug’s ever been. That’s really got to hurt the old pride, right?

Whatever their issues are, I really hope they work it out. Even though, as Courtney said last year, “51 plus 16 equals sexy love.” Then what about 52 plus 17, Courtney? What does that equal, heartache and misery?

It’s so hard to believe in love anymore, you guys. Especially sexy love.

Guess Who’s Finally Getting A Reality Show!

A photo of Courtney Stodden

I didn’t think this glory would ever come to pass. I didn’t believe that we deserved something so purely wonderful. I thought that this was just a dream that could never make its way into reality, a beautiful notion that was too precious for this world. But I was so wrong.

Courtney Stodden is finally getting that reality show, y’all!

Or, ok, she’s filming a reality show. And the only place we’ve heard this news from is Courtney’s Twitter, where she made this announcement a couple of days ago:

FYI Stoddenista’s: Will be m.i.a for about 3 weeks – packing up & heading out to shoot a reality show! Love you all xxx God Bless, Courtney

Oh, because by the way, she calls her fans “Stoddenistas.” Because she has fans. Crazy, right?

And here’s another interesting fact: you know what else happens in “about three weeks”? Courtney turns 18. That can’t be a coincidence, right?

Courtney Stodden is Going to be a Stripper for Her 18th Birthday

photo of courtney stodden eighteen pictures
Or, at least, judging by her photo, you’d think she’d be, because this current getup—like many of her other getups—is straight out of an 80′s budget strip club.

Also, can we talk about girlfriend’s beat-ass Lucite heels for a second? Because these bitches are just worse for the wear. She’s worn them so much that the plastic on top is actually starting to crack and yellow. Does she really love these shoes *so hard* that she’s willing to look like trash in order to keep them? Wait. … No, actually, don’t answer that.

Anyway, Courtney‘s birthday is in a few short weeks. It’s on August 29th, and the stripper allusions weren’t all that far off. No, Courtney’s retweeting people’s suggestions that she do Playboy for her eighteenth birthday. As, you know, a present to herself, of course:

photo of courtney stodden twitter pictures
It’s coming, guys. You mark my words. I mean, how else is she going to pay for these trashy clothes and grungy heels otherwise?

Courtney Stodden Wishes You a Happy Independence Day Season!

What’s that? You’ve been wondering where Courtney Stodden’s been all these weeks? Well. Look no further (as if you’d have to look any further than her personal YouTube channel, anyway—thing’s like a walking diary): Courtney Stodden has recorded a very special fourth of July tribute for you, clad in a stars and stripes-motif bikini and dancing about as well as I do (which is to say, not well even a little bit). I mean, most of her dance moves consist of doing things with her backside that make her look like she’s about to take a dump. And doing the sprinkler. And that disco move, whatever that is.

Also, I maintain that Courtney looks like a skinny, scrawny teenager, save for those obviously fake boobs. Look at her legs. Her hips. Her ass. It’s all totally new-pubescent.

Incidentally, if you’re wondering what we’re in store for once Courtney turns eighteen next month (!!!), this video should suffice in summing it all up:

Is it too late, you think, to say that I’m worried about Courtney Stodden?

Courtney Stodden Is A Serious Athlete

A photo of Courtney Stodden

Yes, that is a photo of Courtney Stodden playing tennis in those stripper heels. Honestly, I’m concerned. Does she really have that much faith in her ability to maneuver those awful things? Does she think she’s above a twisted ankle? Or does she just not have any other shoes?

Hey, you know that awful story about that poor bus monitor who got viciously bullied by a couple of middle school students? And it was really sad and depressing (at least, I’m guessing it was, I still haven’t been able to bring myself to watch the video), but then someone started an online fundraiser to get her a kickass vacation? Maybe we should do something like that for Courtney, but with shoes! Can someone get a Nike fund started somewhere?

Until then, check out the rest of these glorious photos from Celebuzz. If Courtney’s rhinestone bellybutton ring doesn’t scream “champion,” then I don’t know what does.

Here’s Courtney Stodden’s Breathtaking Tribute to Marilyn Monroe

Well, I’m speechless. Ok, I have one thing to say: skip ahead to the 0:46 mark and tell me when Marilyn Monroe wore shoes like that, where Courtney gets shoes like that, and if anyone in the whole entire world wears them besides strippers with amazing balance. There, now I’m speechless.

Since I’m so taken aback by Courtney’s meaningful tribute video, I’ll just show you some of the thoughts from the YouTube commenters, and we can get a discussion going that way, all right?

lol? omg brb crying for humanity

i feel? like im watching 90′s porn :\

…except Marilyn had a little something called? class.

I LOVE Courtney’s tribute to Marilyn Monroe. She was able to? capture her essence & beauty very well! We all have our own inner Marilyn that we need to embrace! Doug is a very Lucky man! Love you Girl!

Meth?

There, I think that’s a pretty good representation of the kind of comments Courtney’s getting for this. What are your thoughts? Did Courtney truly capture the essence of Marilyn Monroe? Exactly how much classier was Marilyn Monroe than Courtney Stodden? Meth?

Meth.

Courtney Stodden Is The Most Annoying Person Who Ever Lived

Did you watch that video? Ok, now think about this: there were two other people in the car with her, the driver and the person with the video camera. That’s two people who got into a car with Courtney Stodden of their own free will. Can you imagine?

I know that I have a morbid fascination with this girl and the bat shit crazy that is happening inside her head, but the difference is that I can shut it out when I want to. And by the way, I definitely did with this video. I tried watching it four or five times before I actually managed to make it through. But there are some people – her husband, for instance – who have to deal with this on a regular basis. There are people who listen to her screeching firsthand.

There are also people who have to (get to?) witness this kind of thing firsthand:

Oh, and if you can make it to the end of the video, you can see that the person filming it is a woman, and I’m pretty sure it’s Courtney’s mom. BUT someone took a picture of her filming Courtney … her father, perhaps? Just mull that one over for a minute.