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Courtney Stodden

5Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison Are Ready to Talk About Their Marital Woes (For the Cameras)

Oh man. What a ripe, hot mess this is going to be. That being said? I’m totally going to watch it.

This is another exclusive clip from the new marriage counseling-reality show called Couples Therapy that VH1′s peddling, because really, what’s a better solution to fixing your dysfunctional, famewhore-based relationship than to televise it for the world to see? This is going to be a goldmine.

In the clip, you can see another contestant (or whatever you’d call people in this particular set of game show-like circumstances) saying that Courtney is “trash,” prompting Doug to get up off his weird ass, while starting to throw down with the naysayer. Later, when Doug is asked why he couldn’t just wait to hit it with Courtney when she turned eighteen instead of being a total creeper, he claimed, “I didn’t want to!” whilst grinding all over her knee.

Quality programming, guys. Quality programming.

September 19, 2012 at 10:30 am by Sarah

1Courtney Stodden’s Mom Wants You to Know That Her Daughter Is Doing Playboy

A photo of Courtney Stodden

Courtney Stodden‘s mom is the worst. Like, the absolute worst. Worse than Dina Lohan and Kris Jenner rolled up into a big ball of grossness. She’s worse than the idea that Kris Jenner directed Kim‘s sex tape and that picture of Dina and Lindsay making out. At least Dina Lohan never sold her minor daughter to some gross D-list actor in his fifties.

But anyway, Courtney’s mom has once again proven herself as the worst ever by making a statement to E! News about her daughter’s involvement in porn.

If you’ll remember, over the weekend Courtney made a tweet that said “no to porn, yes to Playboy.” We all thought that the deal was done, but TMZ said “LOL, no, Playboy isn’t interested.” It was hilarious, and we all had a good chuckle, but now it’s time to get down to business.

Here’s the quick statement from Courtney’s mom:

“TMZ doesn’t know what they’re talking about. Clearly, their ‘sources’ are different than ours.”

I almost believed you, Courtney’s mom, but then I remembered that you once said that Doug Hutchison is “not creepy,” which was a statement that forever stole away your credibility.

In conclusion, Courtney Stodden has a bad mom, but she might have an offer from Playboy to make up for it. We’ll just have to wait and see, friends.

September 3, 2012 at 6:30 am by Emily
Filed Under: Courtney Stodden

8Courtney Stodden Wants to Do Playboy, Playboy Isn’t Interested

A photo of Courtney Stodden

First of all, HAHAHAHAHAHA. And second of all, HA.

Courtney Stodden wants to pose for Playboy. We know that because she tweeted a tweet last night that said “no to porn, yes to Playboy,” and then a winky face and some x’s. Just by reading that, one would think that she’s already signed on to do the Playboy shoot, right?

Wrong! TMZ apparently has some “Playboy sources,” and here’s what they had to say about the whole affair:

According to our Playboy sources, no offer has been made to Stodden nor will one EVER be made. Our sources say Stodden “doesn’t meet the standards of a Playboy model” … adding she looks too “enhanced.”

One source added, “[Playboy] would NEVER take her. I don’t think anybody really wants to see that anyway.”

Ok, ok, listen: Courtney Stodden doesn’t “meet the standards of a Playboy model,” but Lindsay Lohan does? Really? And I get that Lindsay is way more famous and that people want to see her floppy lips and wayward titties just for the trainwreck factor, but this source makes it sound like the refusal is based on looks alone, doesn’t it?

I’ll just leave it up to you guys, because I really can’t think about Lindsay Lohan and Courtney Stodden naked anymore.

Who would you rather?
View Results
September 2, 2012 at 12:00 pm by Emily
Filed Under: Courtney Stodden

3What Did Courtney Stodden’s Parents Get Her for Her Birthday?

A photo of Courtney Stodden

A puppy! No, wait, that was her creepy husband’s gift. Ooh, no, they gave her the chance to be immortalized on film forever! Shoot, no, that gift was from porn companies, far and wide. So what did Courtney‘s parents give their beautiful daughter on her 18th birthday?

A divorce! Yay!

The day after Courtney’s special day, her mom, Krista, decided it was time to make a statement about the state of her marriage. Here it is, because I know everyone cares so much:

“After being separated for a year, Alex and I are in the process of a divorce. In truth, we’ve been living separate lives for many years. It is time we both pursue our own happiness. Courtney is the most important thing to the both of us and she knows how much both her parents and her husband love her, and that’s what matters most.”

Now here’s the part I think you just might care about: do you think this divorce is happening because Courtney’s mom is so fond of literally whoring her daughter out? Because Krista here is always the one pumping Courtney up. She’s the one who said that her 16-year-old daughter didn’t need to wait for marriage, and that the 51-year-old creeper who wanted to marry her “loved her for her heart.” She’s the one who moved to L.A. to manage Courtney’s career (without her husband, natch), and who actually said that she looked up to mothers like Dina Lohan and Kris Jenner. She’s the one who participated in racy photo shoots with her 17-year-old daughter wearing stripper heels and underwear and pretending that cake icing was some other sticky white substance. And where has Courtney’s dad been? Probably huddled in a corner somewhere, trying to forget that any of this is happening. Because it’s GROSS.

But man, what a shitty birthday present, huh?

September 1, 2012 at 10:00 am by Emily
Filed Under: Courtney Stodden

6Of Course Courtney Stodden Might Actually Do Porn

photo of courtney stodden doing porn pictures
So, since Courtney Stodden turned eighteen (yesterday. That would be yesterday), it’s been confirmed that she’s been completely inundated with offers to do porn. Emily mentioned to you guys that Courtney was leaving some pretty cryptic messages to her Twitter followers, and after hearing the latest news, one of them just sticks out like a throbbing …. thumb:

“There are quite a few secrets that we cannot tell you right now, but expect to see a lot!”

And the reason that, now, it’s all sort of gelling for me is because TMZ claims that Courtney might actually be considering one (or many) of the varied feature roles in some up-and-coming pornographic films.

Um, from TMZ:

Courtney Stodden says she definitely has NOT ruled out any of the porn offers that have rolled in since she turned 18 this morning.

Stodden just called in to “TMZ Live” … and told us she’s been “flooded” with XXX offers from the moment she became “legal” … and the thought of her getting intimate with another man is freaking out her 52-year-old hubby.

Still, Court says … “I’m not gonna say yes right now … and I’m not gonna say no.”

So OK. I would take that to mean that Courtney’s going to completely bypass any and all Playboy offers, and go right for the jugular. I know that nothing we can say will change this precocious eighteen-year-old’s mind, but dear God, let me please ask for one thing—please, please, please don’t let Courtney’s potential porno(s) also star Doug Hutchison. Please. Because there are many, many fragile minds that just might break if they had to witness such atrocities. Please just let Doug be OK with his eighteen-year-old wife banging other dudes, and not him, for money to pay rent, OK? Would that be all right?

August 30, 2012 at 7:30 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Courtney Stodden

18Happy Birthday, Courtney Stodden!

A photo of Courtney Stodden

It seems like just yesterday that we first met that darling, precocious child bride, Courtney Stodden. Back when we first got to know and love this girl, she was just 16 years old, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and ready to take on the world. But a couple of years have passed, and now? Now she’s 18. She’s legally an adult. So what is she doing now?

Well, I’m not really sure what she’s doing right at this minute, but here are some of her tweets from the past few days:

1 more week until the big 18 xxx meow

Birthday is in 3 more days … wonder what the hubby is going to get me? :) Hmm … xxx

Only 2 more days until I get to blow eighteen … ummm … candles ;) xxx

Well xxx, the big 18 has been achieved xxx, so what did the hubby (xxx) get her?

A photo of Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison

That darling little puppy! He’s an Italian Greyhound. His name is Dourtney. No, really. Because according to Doug, that’s all she wanted:

“One of the many reasons why I love and admire my wife is that she didn’t ask for bling on her landmark 18th birthday. She didn’t ask for expensive clothes or shoes, a flashy party, an extravagant vacation, a luxurious car or to be taken out on the town.”

We all caught that a 52-year-old dude just said that he loves his wife because she doesn’t ask for fancy things for her 18th birthday, right? Awesome.

As for Courtney, she hasn’t opened up a whole lot just yet (that phrasing was honestly unintentional, by the way), but here’s what she did have to say about what we can look forward to now that she’s legal:

“There are quite a few secrets that we cannot tell you right now, but expect to see a lot!”

Oh god. How many hours till we see this girl’s vagina, do you think?

August 29, 2012 at 5:30 am by Emily
Filed Under: Courtney Stodden