Courtney Stodden always knows how to dress appropriately for any and all occasions, so I didn’t bat and eye when I saw these stunning photos of her strolling around Disneyland and California Adventure in an elegant pink push-up halter top with sheer overlay and 6 inch pink platform spike heels. Some Dude From Lost was at her side, kind of like a bandaid that you’ve had on your body for a while and the adhesive is wearing off but it’s your last bandaid so you’re going to make the most of it.

Say what you will about this couple (some ideas: “What the f-ck is this” and “This is creepy”) but they were celebrating their 2 year wedding anniversary and that’s a lot longer than most Hollywood marriages. So far, Courtney Stodden and Some Dude From Lost have outlasted the marriages of:

– Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries
– Drew Barrymore and Tom Green
– Nicolas Cage and Lisa Marie Presley
– Katy Perry and Russell Brand
– Jennifer Lopez and Cris Judd
– Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock + Pamela Anderson and Rick Salomon
– Shannen Doherty and Rick Salomon + Shannen Doherty and Ashley Hamilton
– Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney

You get the idea.

Happy anniversary!!

Courtney Stodden says she made a sex tape, and thankfully it’s not with Some Dude From Lost. No, this tape is all Stodden. “Tape.” It’s probably a digital recording, although she swears no one can “hack” it. I’ll just let her speak in her own darling words. From Eonline:

Hackers, don’t even go there cause you’ll find nothing.

YEAH HACKERS, DON’T EVEN. Justo to reiterate, her husband/Some Dude From Lost is NOT in the video. She says,

[It's] just me. I don’t want to put any images in people’s mind; I’m gonna leave it up to you guys to think what you want.

Thank you, Courtney! So kind of you. She says she’s not going to release it (“no, this is personal”) and that it was recently done because, “I turned 18 in August, so you do the math.”

Ms. Stodden also said she hasn’t submitted any nude photos to Playboy yet, as though they’re waiting on baited breath. I think they’re probably too intimidated by her naked shoot for Girls And Corpses magazine to take her on, because how could they do better? Once you elevate something, you gotta keep it rising.

So enjoy these photos of Ms. Stodden from “a fashion show in West Hollywood.”

Courtney Stodden, how I love thee. You are SUCH a Sriracha hot mess. Your “candid” photos make Amanda Bynes‘ selfies look like a Vanity Fair photo shoot. Okay that’s a bit much, but they’re certainly more cringe-worthy. At least I think so. Bynes is like, “F-ck it, I’m going to hold my boobs in front of my bathroom mirror” — she even hashtagged “long hair don’t care” — whereas Ms. Stodden walks around dressed inappropriately with her old as hell husband Some Dude From Lost followed by hired paparazzi all while pretending to be coy.

Here’s her latest shoot. She’s hanging out in a kid’s store. And she looks as though she could be wearing the clothes sold in the kids store. Because they’re tiny. Not because they sell stripper heels to children. …yet.

I cannot believe she’s only 18!

Who do YOU think is the bigger train wreck: Stodden or Bynes?

Courtney Stodden, the 18 year-old bride of Some Dude From Lost, makes me smile when I’m feeling blue. She’s the quintessential non celebrity. I like to check in on her every once in a while and see how she’s doing. I’m still not entirely convinced that she’s a real person. Maybe this entire persona is a Joaquin type situation.

Ms. Stodden recently went to The Ivy, the saddest place you could go if you’re a celebrity. Real celebrities do not go to The Ivy. You only go to The Ivy if you desperately need (or thrive on) paparazzi attention. But girl knows how to get it. Because, in classic Stodden style, she wore the tiniest dress with the tallest shoes one could make.

Some Dude From Lost looks so goddamned pleased with himself. That’s a hard look to pull off when you’re a grown man wearing long shorts and flip flops to an upscale restaurant.

Thanks to Too Fab and Celebuzz for these dazzling images.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention Ms. Stodden’s nude cover for Girls And Corpses. Yes, that’s a real magazine. Very NSFW.

Why did she do it? She says in an interview via Starcrush.com:

I stumbled across it online and I did some research and I was, like, fascinated by this. I’ve never seen anything like it – with these glamorous, sexy girls with a corpse. I mean, come on. It’s fun. It’s kitschy. It’s tongue-in-cheek.

See, this is why I think maybe she’s a secret genius and is doing this all as a character, hoping it will land her a reality show or a deal of some kind. Then again, I also thought Amanda Bynes was a secret genius and I’m really starting to doubt that.

Stodden’s latest attempt at doing something, anything, is music. Yes, that word is used very loosely. She shot a video for her song Reality. Twistys offered to give the video an “erotic” makeover. That means pornographic, as Twistys’ slogan is, “The Most Beautiful Babes in Porn for Over 10 Years!” And now I have that in my browsing history.

Said her manager/mom (yes, mom) to E! News,

Although Courtney is flattered by Twisty’s offer to reshoot her music video for Reality, we have decided to pass.

Some Dude From Lost had no comment.

Before you say anything, let us have a moment of silence for Lindsay‘s Playboy cover.

Carrying the Stodden tourch that Emily and Sarah held so gallantly held high is going to be tough but it is my honor and privilege and I’m going to do my best.

But wait, before you freak out, don’t freak out! It’s a wig! Our dear Courtney Stodden is still just as blonde as ever. But wouldn’t it be neat if she really did dye her hair this dark? I think it would, mostly because then she would look like an even worse drag queen.

Here’s another picture to back that theory up:

Speaking of hair, I’m about to head out to my salon, y’all! Because I’m one of those girls who marks any major life change with a haircut, and since I’m going to be leaving all you darlings in just a few short days, I need to get something major done. I’m taking pictures of Miley Cyrus and Emma Watson, then I’m going to let Jesus take the wheel. I might show you guys what happens if I need you to tell me I’m still pretty.

But speaking of pretty, I need to show you the photo that Courtney posted after those two pictures above, the picture that shows she was just wearing a wig:

Right? Doesn’t she look like a little baby drag queen who hasn’t gotten her routine down quite yet? One that still hasn’t gotten the hang of all those feminine wiles, who still doesn’t hold herself quite right but is trying really, really hard?

Look, I grew up in the Bible Belt. I know a thing or two about what you’re supposed to wear at church. Granted, I’m sure the dress code isn’t exactly the same for every single church everywhere, but I’m also pretty sure I have a good idea about what’s in the realm of appropriateness.

Courtney Stodden, once again, is way inappropriate.

She posted this photo with the caption “Time to go to church :) God bless everyone! Muahhh!!!” So, uh, there’s that.

I don’t know, guys, it’s been a long day. Let’s just criticize Courtney Stodden and call it a night, all right?

So you know what I’m going to do? I’m just going to leave these photos right here for you, because honestly, regardless of my personal situation, these photos need to be seen. It’s good to know that though things change and change and change, some things—like celebrity gossip duty and valor—don’t budge a bit. Enjoy.

What I want to talk about today, though, is not Lady Gaga and her business decisions—no, I want to talk about Doug Hutchison and Courtney Stodden and how they showed up to this thing under the misconception that it was a Halloween party, to which they decided to go as an 80′s pimp and his coked-out ho.

Isn’t this just the best thing all day long?

Can I say, first, how very disappointed I am that Courtney‘s doing a music video for “Reality”, and not a brand-new, super amped version of “Don’t Put It on Me, Girl”? Because oh oh oh, how beautiful would it be if we had a wonderful, up to date video to jam along with this, my very favorite Courtney Stodden song:

But alas, she’s not, so let’s just collectively hope that the video for “Reality” is a complete success so maybe she’ll continue creating beautiful things for the rest of her touching, thought-provoking musical projects. Cross your fingers right now, OK?

Video courtesy of Celebuzz

These are photos of Courtney Stodden in almost all of her nude glory, and if you don’t see that Courtney Stodden rilly is a rill child, then I don’t know what to tell you. Maybe your name is Doug Hutchison, and maybe you’re OK with that. I, however, cannot fathom the idea that this girl was allowed to marry at sixteen years old, but yes, I can believe that Courtney Stodden’s boobs are totally rill.

Images courtesy of The Superficial

This is such a treat. Courtney Stodden‘s mom, Krista Stodden, gave an interview, and it is just something so special. I mean, I think we’re all familiar with how special an encounter with Courtney’s mom can be, but this one is almost too special.

Ok. Krista talked to the Huffington Post, and here are some things that she had to say:

On Courtney’s beauty: “Courtney is the new Anna Nicole Smith, without the drugs. Everyone wants to be like Marilyn Monroe, but with Courtney the beauty comes from within — like Pam Anderson and Farrah Fawcett.”

On Courtney’s fame: “It won’t be 15 minutes of fame because it’s an evergreen story. Courtney is so intriguing; she’s almost an addiction for people. Her light shines. When she walks into an event, it’s incredible, as her mom and manager, to watch the reaction from people. There are so many horrible things we read, but when people meet her in person is so rewarding.”

On discrimination: “She’s a victim of her own beauty. We need to understand all kinds of discrimination. It’s very sad.”

Oh yes, so very sad. I simply cannot begin to fathom how difficult it is for Courtney to be a young, wealthy, conventionally attractive, straight white woman. How does she even survive?

As a bonus, Courtney gave her mom a statement of her own to relay during the interview:

“Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. Women can be sexy and beautiful; I know it makes a lot of women mad.”

I’ve never understood the idea that just because someone has something that isn’t glowingly positive to say about someone else, it automatically means that they’re jealous. A lot of times it does, but sometimes it just means that Courtney Stodden and her mom are just delusional airheads.