It’s totally different than when Tori Spelling’s husband posted a photo of Tori post-breastfeeding, and let’s be real: one, the kid’s not her son, so unless she’s a wet nurse, that’s just weird. And two, she could never be a wet nurse. There’s too much silicone blocking up those milk ducts. I mean, does she even *have* milk ducts, or were they maybe cauterized during one of her many plastic surgeries?

Ugh. This thing is so messed up, and she knows it, too. This was the caption accompanying the picture:

“1am in LA and my sis, Kristy keeps flashing the camera while me and my nephew,baby Austin,try to sleep..Man, this is a spoiled baby.”

The photo’s since been pulled from all of her accounts.

You know, it’s one thing to have a photo like this. OK. Even though I think it’s way strange that it’s the auntie in the picture, I can even try to look past that. But to post the damn picture on the internet for the world to see? Classless. Completely classless. Also. I don’t want to hear any, “OH. The US is so backward when it comes to kids and boobs and nude family beds,” but that’s … No. Just no, sorry. Coco is trash, and using a little kid to further that notion is just gross, man.

You know Coco, right? The wife of Ice T who can’t stop talking about the couple’s sex life, even though they’ve been married for, like, forty years? Yes, the very same. Well, she attended an event at Fashion Week, and when she took the catwalk, her boob took center stage. Seriously. The sucker was ALL OVER THE PLACE. And really, though I cringed when the idea of a huge Coco-boob entered my head, I was actually pleasantly surprised to see that the woman’s got very nice boobs. Well, nice boob>. The other one could be a Frankenboob for all I know – I can only go by what I’m shown, friends.

Jump in for the all of the – obviously NSFW – action!

Oh, and here’s another:

Don’t say I never do anything for you!

And for all the best reasons, you guys, because Ice-T and Coco have the purest love.  Or did you not know that?

Let’s listen to this lovely couple explain their reasoning behind procreating:

“Coco has been pushing Ice for some time about starting a family,” a pal divulged. “He’s finally given in, and promised that if their show ‘Ice Loves Coco’ gets picked up for a second season they’ll try for a baby.” A pregnancy would put 32-year-old Coco’s modeling career on hold, the source said, but she’s convinced Ice-T, 53, that it would draw more eyeballs to their show on E!

“Besides that, Coco has reminded Ice that her booty – the part of her body that he loves most – would get even bigger while she’s pregnant,” the insider revealed. “Ice wasn’t sure if he wanted to have another kid, but he real­izes Coco’s maternal instincts are kicking in,” said the source, “and if it can get ratings for their show at the same time, it’s a no-brainer!”

What a charmer Ice-T is!  I think it’ll be really touching for that child to know one day that he came into this world as a ratings ploy, don’t you?  Oh, how I rejoice for the future youth of our country!

Or, more specifically, listen to Ice-T and Coco school you on sexy marriage. These guys have been together since 2005, and, as you can see in the picture above, they just renewed their wedding vows, so I think you can trust what they have to say.

Here’s a little segment from their recent interview with Vibe:

But really now, how can I have a marriage that comes with a sex circus of a love life?
Ice T: Marry somebody that turns you the fuck on.

Coco: Don’t think that you’re going to turn them into some sexual demon when you get married. They have to already be the sexual demon beforehand.

Ice T: But wait for your ultimate sexual partner, try that one. That’s a good start. If you start with that and keep that alive, hopefully the person isn’t an idiot and shit doesn’t go wrong. One of the things that help messes up a sex life is just basic stress in the relationship though. If you have a stressful relationship there‘s not going to be sex.

Duly noted. People think you have to try all these crazy things after some years in marriage just to keep it exciting or is it all mental games?

Ice T: You do. That’s part of the fun… trying things out.

Coco: Trying things out. And you don’t have to do it a second time. You just try it once to see if you two connect on that same level. And if it does, your sex life just becomes spicier.

Ice T: It takes you to another level. Trying new things. There’s nothing wrong with it.

I just love these guys.  I’m not married or anything, but I hope those of you who are can learn something from these wise souls. There’s no reason why you can’t have a sex circus of a love life, ok?!

Have I mentioned how much I love Coco? Love her, love her, love her. I love how she seems to have a rock solid relationship with Ice-T, and how he’s totally okay with her running around public events wearing what basically amounts to a washcloth and heels. Because that’s what she does, and he gets it, and at the end of the day she’s going home with him. I don’t know why but I just have this sense that they have a really true-love relationship, and I just adore how she never quits rocking those curves.

Coco and Ice-T attended the JM magazine launch party in NYC last night.

I can scour the Internets for the rest of the day, but I won’t find anything to top this phenomenal 15-minute video of CoCo floating around a pool in a string bikini while someone covers Kate Bush’s “A Woman’s Work” on the background track. You can’t make this stuff up.

Then she hits the elliptical machine and later feels up her own ass in fishnets tights.

It’s not suitable for work.

It’s not suitable for anybody, really.

Ice-T’s super-classy wife, Coco, has launched a magazine. It’s called — you guessed it! — Coco, and it is, according to The Sun, “filled entirely with shots of herself.”

OMG.

Who the hell is going to buy this?

Are people actually attracted to this woman?

What the hell is she charging for this magazine? Please, folks, if you see one on a newsstand, email me with what it costs. And then linger by the newsstand for the rest of the day and photograph and interview everyone who buys one. I must know who these strange creatures are.

Since it’s the slowest news day ever, here’s Ice-T’s wife, CoCo, shaking her ass at her birthday party in NYC.

We only bring out CoCo in case of emergencies.

I don’t understand this relationship. CoCo seems like the kind of girl you bang and then kick out the door. But she’s been married to Ice-T for nearly four years. In Hollywood, you have to admit that’s pretty impressive.