0Quotables: Christina Aguilera is Thankful She Got Arrested

“All of my experiences in the past year, and everything that’s happened to me, I thank God for it. You have to take the good with the bad and you have to take the bad with the good. If you’re in this business, if you’re in the spotlight, you have to be able to take criticism and you have to take the punches along the way.”

- Christina Aguilera, talking about the highs and lows that come with fame, to Extra.

Um, I’m a pretty big believer in bad things equaling good things in the long run, but I’m thinking that Christina may have come to the conclusion to be grateful for her tumultuous year a bit too soon. The singer’s drinking seems to be a huge problem, her divorce isn’t even final yet, and it’s pretty hard to see the good in a nude photo scandal. It seems like embracing her low-points and stumbles could be another great excuse to not fix any of the problems they caused if she’s not careful, y’know?

March 16, 2011 at 3:30 pm by Molls

2Christina Aguilera is Ready to Move On

No, not from her career or alcohol or even her new man. Singer Christina Aguilera has decided to sell her home, which you may remember as the former Osbourne residence.

The move could be for a whole host of reasons. Now that she’s separated from her ex-husband, she probably isn’t interested in keeping up the kind of space that was built for an entire family, not to mention that the easiest way to break bad habits is to move (that’s seriously how I managed to quit buying Doritos when I went to the grocery store.) But I’d put my money on something entirely different: The fact that Christina’s ex won’t seem to move out. I’m guessing that Christina got tired of her ex-hubby refusing to move out of their place and decided to sell it out from underneath him. Ruthless? Maybe, but who gives a fuck?

Have y’all ever had to do something extreme to move on from an ex?

March 8, 2011 at 5:30 am by Molls

2Oh Damn! Jacqueline from ‘Real Housewives of New Jersey’ Got MAD SKINNY!

Hey, guys. My apartment is having work done on it and I woke up with some maintenance man’s face in my second story window and I screamed bloody murder. The day just got worse from there. They shut the water off to do work on the apartment below mine and I had to clean out my favorite coffee mug with seltzer water and my dog wouldn’t stop barking because he was under the impression we were being attacked. To top it off, my neck is making a clicking sound when I try to nod or shake my head and I may be mildly hungover from cheap white wine. And I currently look worse than Christina Aguilera in her mugshot. Basically, I want to eat an expensive french sandwich in bed and then kill myself. That’s where I’m at right now, so please forgive the slight gap in posting and any general weirdness you may be getting from me today. I’m going through it.

You wanna know who’s not going through it, though? (SMOOOOOOTH TRANSITION, GIRL) Jacqueline Laurita from Real Housewives of New Jersey. Homegirl is a mother of three and recently shed 30 pounds using some weight loss program called Medifast. While the Life & Style piece that told me about her weight loss kind of feels like an ad for this Medifast shit, I still think it’s mad commendable of Jacqueline to get all that unhealthy weight she was carrying around off of her body. And with two young kids in her house, too. Medifast or not, that’s impressive.

Lookin’ forward to see if Jac’s new body gives her some new swagger and perhaps a set of much-needed metaphorical balls on the new season of Real Housewives of New Jersey.

March 5, 2011 at 12:30 pm by Molls

7Oh, Christina …

I don’t know whether to point and laugh, have a vom session at the nearest loo, or pity the fuck out of her, but both the first and third options are sounding pretty good right about now (I’ve only had coffee this morning so far, and have you ever chucked just coffee? It’s actually really unpleasant).

Above you see the first post-arrest pictures of Christina Aguilera, who was recently arrested or taken in or something for being so wasted that she didn’t know her own name.  And guys?  She’s looking embarrassed, swollen, and like she’s only now just coming off of a forty-five day bender.

Congrats, girl. You’re just in time for lent.

How long do you think it’ll be before she hits the big time and goes to rehab?

March 4, 2011 at 11:30 am by Sarah

1Look, It’s Christina Aguilera’s Mug Shot!

Can you tell where it’s from?

Sorry about the low quality, but this is as good as we’re going to get – there’s not going to be a public release of the mug shot, Lindsay style, because nobody plans on pressing charges against Christina.  It’s a good thing too, because this girl does not handle the police station’s lighting that well, does she?

For good measure, here’s the rundown from a police officer on Christina’s arrest:

“They [police] witnessed a person driving erratically. At 2.45 am this morning a gentleman was stopped for allegedly driving under the influence. He was subsequently arrested and his passenger, Ms. Aguilera, she was arrested. It was kind of a unique situation with this law as she was not capable of taking care of herself. She was incapacitated. When she got out of the car, she couldn’t stand. We had to help her stand. She didn’t know where she was and she didn’t know her own address. We took her into custody for her own protection. She was cooperative and she was not belligerent in any way whatsoever. She was just intoxicated.”

I’ve been drunk enough to think that bushes were bears, but I’ve never been like “yeah, I have no fucking idea where I am right now, and I couldn’t tell you where I live.”  Is that common?  Is that some next level drinking that I need to get into, or is that why everyone wants her to go to rehab?

Oh, by the way, remember how yesterday we were all like “how do you get arrested for public intoxication for being drunk inside a car?”  Well, I was watching this special about people getting arrested naked while I was trying to take a nap (is that trashy?), and these cops pulled over this guy for driving drunk, then found out he was also naked.  And there was a lady sitting next to him, minding her own business in the car, and she got arrested for public intoxication.  This happens.  It’s just a protective measure, because you’re wasted, it’s not like you can just drive home while your buddy goes to jail, so you get “arrested” so they can deal with your drunk ass.

The moral of the story is “always have a designated driver so you don’t get a pity arrest like Christina Aguilera.”

March 2, 2011 at 11:30 am by Emily

1Pink Calls Out Britney and Christina, Has a Pretty Good Point

In light of this morning’s news that Christina Aguilera was arrested for being too drunk to function, singer Pink took to her Twitter account and typed out the following message: “Out of Myself, Britney, and Christina- didn’t everyone think I was gonna be the troublemaker? LOOK MA!!! No CUFFS!!!”

Pink has a decent point: People have been giving her shit since day one. Granted, “troubled and erratic” has always been the image she’s gone for, but she’s definitely not sitting in a jail cell this morning and I doubt she’s going to get that kid she’s pregnant with taken away. Hmm.

On the other hand, Pink was slightly older than Christina and Britney by the time she’d made it big and already had a full past of rabble-rousing before she even landed on our radar. Maybe her story wouldn’t be much different if she’d been thrust into the spotlight as early as Brit and X-Tina were.

I guess one thing we can take from this is that things are rarely as they seem in Hollywood.

Anyway, let’s discuss this. Why do you think it is someone like Pink, whose public image is similar to that of a rabid animal, has been able to stay out of jail while our former pop princesses keep finding themselves in such unfortunate circumstances?

March 1, 2011 at 1:00 pm by Molls