First and foremost, I missed all you crazy kids while I was away. I appreciate you for choosing to surf on to Evil Beet Gossip, even if it is just to let me know how much you hate me, my perspective, and my overuse of commas and ellipses. Today just seemed like a day that I should let you know that. So, thank you. Would you like to know who I didn’t miss? Jeremy Piven. As a matter of fact, any time he drops off the radar, I do not miss him. Ever.
Here’s the latest in the “Jeremy Piven Just Sounds Like a Royal Asshole” series: Chris Kattan was backstage at MTV, waiting to go on Alexa Chung’s talk show to promote his IFC series Bollywood Hero — incidentally, not a good show — when he struck up conversation with Jeremy Piven. In a move that cements my love for Chris Kattan and my disdain for Mercury Boy, he asked Jeremy if he was there to promote his Broadway play. The Piv was not amused.
Piven, who famously dropped out of “Speed the Plow” in December, is in a legal battle with producers who believe the actor fabricated his illness in order to get out of completing his contract, and was none too happy to be reminded of the incident.
The actor sniped back irritably, “Well, what are you here to promote? Mango?” – a reference to Kattan’s swishy “Saturday Night Live” stripper character.
The actors continued to bark for a few minutes, but while Kattan thought the argument was in jest, Piven did not.
Says an insider, “After some back and forth, Jeremy said something really personal to Chris that basically attacked his career. He said ‘Whoa, man - I thought we were just fooling around here.’”
Not the right thing to say to the man who plays Ari Gold, apparently. “I’m getting sued for that s–t!” the actor shouted. “It’s not funny!”
Our source adds, “Jeremy slammed the green room door right in Chris’ face, and about 20 people in the hallway outside could hear him yelling obscenities. He was furious.
“Chris felt really badly about the whole thing, so about 15 minutes later he tried to approach Jeremy again to apologize, to tell him he was just kidding and that he didn’t mean to offend in any way. But Jeremy wasn’t having it at all. He slammed the door in Chris’ face AGAIN.”
I never needed more confirmation that Jeremy Piven is the biggest dickwad in Hollywood, but if I did, this would be it. What a little, fucking crybaby. Of course he’s getting sued for dropping out of Speed the Plow! He was so deathly ill with “mercury poisoning”, but still managed to be seen at every restaurant, club and party in the city. Can we just send him a gross of tuna rolls (dusted with cocaine — we have to make it enticing enough to ensure that Piv eats the whole batch) and get it over with?
Of course, it wouldn’t be a Jeremy Piven story without a denial statement. According to his rep, “Jeremy and Chris did see each other at MTV and they were joking around backstage before a talk show appearance, as many actors do. If it was interpreted as a fight, someone wasn’t paying attention.” Kattan’s take, per his people, went like this: ”Chris mistakenly asked Jeremy if he was there to promote his play and Piven fired back with ‘What are you here to promote, Mango?’ Chris tried to apologize.”
Also, I don’t want to say that Jeremy Piven has the most brilliant publicist ever, but if you Google “sushi mercury” the seventh result on page one is an article about — who else? — Jeremy. Brilliant.
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