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Chris Brown

17Quotables: Chris Brown Explains Those Penis Pics

A photo of Chris Brown

“Girls be reckless.”

You hear that, ladies?  The next time you get a dick pic from a superstar, maybe exercise a little judgement before you forward it to the internet.  A dick pic is a gift, and don’t you forget it. Oh, and by the way, Chris has also stated that he “wasn’t even excited” when he took that picture.  Does that do anything for you, peen hounds?

March 18, 2011 at 11:30 am by Emily
Filed Under: Chris Brown

7Love It or Leave It: Whatever Chris Brown Is Doing to Himself

A photo of Chris Brown

I went with a vague title because I couldn’t decide what to focus on here.  The blonde hair, the Buzz Lightyear necklace, the gross denim jacket.  This must be Chris Brown’s method of coping with the facts that everyone’s seen his penis and everyone hates him all over again.

Just think, Chris, if you could have just kept your cool instead of assaulting your girlfriend, then everybody could love you. Remember that viral video of people dancing down the aisle to your song?  That would have been your claim to fame, the thing that held you in everyone’s mind.  But no, you just had to choke out Rihanna, and now nothing you do will ever be right.  I hope you can find solace in your Buzz Lightyear jewelry, because even that is a little more than you deserve.

March 12, 2011 at 10:00 am by Emily
Filed Under: Chris Brown

11Quotables: Chris Brown Doesn’t Discuss His Penis

picture of chris brown grabbing dick crotch penis photos

“You can’t blame people for how they want to be portrayed or if they don’t want to be associated with somebody who had a particular mishap.”

The mishap he’s referring to? Two guesses: not the pencil dick photos floating around the web, or even the really cheesy video that sensually skims his body up and down to vague R&B music that belongs on the set of Waiting to Exhale – he’s referring to the Rihanna incident – the one where he almost beat her face flat and then nearly choked her to death. You know – THAT particular ‘mishap.’

I also think it’s pretty funny that his latest album is to be titled ‘F.A.M.E.,’ an acronym for ‘forgiving all my enemies.’ I really like the whole forgiveness thing, it’s, you know, a crucial part to being a successful human being even if it’s not always easy to forgive and let go, but Chris … damn, boy. If you gave the same careful attention to your words as you do mowing the lawn for Dick and his two nutty friends, you might be better off.

March 10, 2011 at 6:30 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Chris Brown

50Chris Brown’s Peen to Inappropriate Music

For all of you out there that said ‘There’s no way that THAT pencil dick belongs to CHRIS BROWN, y’all,’ here it is, proven in all its glory, that Easy Breezy Brown is packing light.

God hates people-beaters, Chris. The proof is in the pudding. Your penis is the proof.

March 8, 2011 at 3:00 pm by Sarah
Filed Under: Chris Brown

860So THIS is Chris Brown’s Penis

picture of chris brown at all stars hoops heroes photos

I know you guys were all dying to know what it looked like, especially after his recent ‘abuse’ photo was released. Y’all were probably thinking, ‘Heck yes, the only thing hotter than this douchebag’s lips has got to be his wayward penis,’ so guys? Here it is. A picture of his penis, which was said to be taken for a girlfriend’s pleasure, and was also said to be leaked by Chris himself, though his rep vehemently denies it.

I mean, I’d deny it too, a penis that skinny. Laws yes.

Jump in for the extremely NSFW (and large) photo of Chris Brown’s magic stick and dangly bits.

(more…)

March 7, 2011 at 9:30 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Chris Brown

36Chris Brown Probably Leaked His Own Abuse Photo

photo of chris browns injuries pictures abuse

Remember way back when Chris Brown brutalized Rihanna in his car after some awards ceremony, resulting in an awful, nightmarish fugue of anger and publicity that lasted for, like, three months? And remember how someone from inside the police force or hospital leaked the abuse photos of Rihanna, and after all that, Chris became kind of a joke in the music industry, not to mention, oh, COMPLETELY SUCKING AT LIFE?

Well everyone still remembers, and because new photos of Rihanna from that night have hit the ‘net recently, someone decided that it’d also be a good idea to release a photo of Chris Brown’s ‘horrific’ injuries, which were taken at approximately the same time as Rihanna’s.

I thought the guy was a total douchebag before this photo, but now?  I’m just positive that he’s a complete monster, if there was any lingering doubts from before.

Photo via Media TakeOut

March 2, 2011 at 4:30 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Chris Brown, Rihanna